preg depression

[bundlebelly]

Thirteen weeks pregnant and got a one year old. I'm feeling like I'm hiding my true feelings, even to those closest to me. I'm just so tired all I want to do is eat, cry and sleep. I can't get excited about anything including the new baby and I feel so guilty to admit this. All the energy I've got is going on pretending to be ok.

Oh bundlebelly - you poor thing. I do know how you feel - I had this with pregnancy number 2 and with this one (number 4) and it's horrid. I think I can say that mine has passed now (I'm 20ish weeks) but certainly the first trimester was bad. I guess that it's a surge in hormones (though I hate the 'it's your hormones, love' response, because it's so not helpful).

Have you spoken to your MW? I mentioned it to mine - and it helped talking to someone neutral. She didn't judge at all - just made a note and said to ring anytime if it persisted or got worse. It helped to know that I could , though I never did. It is hard because part of you thinks you should be happy and you try to be (like you say) but sometimes it just doesn't happen and then you feel guilty. I think, for me, once I'd given myself permission to feel down about it - it took the pressure off.

I can't give you any advice - because I really don't have any, but I can offer an ear if you'd like to rant/complain/cry. And if you want to sleep - do, if you can (even though that's not so easy with a one year old).

Take care - keep in touch x

I've felt quite depressed this time round (DC2). I think it's because it's come at the same time as trying to move house, but also, more fundamentally, it's because I'm in love with DS and can't imagine having another baby to supplant him!

I have been really quite miserable about it, to the extent that I've sometimes thought about the baby I'm carrying with resentment. But it's gradually changed with time. I'm now 21 wks and the baby has been kicking me a lot, and I'm starting to feel affectionate towards it. I still feel absurdly like I'm doing something terrible to DS, despite the fact that he's very into babies and is excited about his own. I would still like to be more 'into' this pregnancy, but other things are going on, and I think virtually everyone is ambivalent about second-time round, because of not wanting to upset their PFB. I think it's one of those things never talked about, but experienced often.

Antenatal depression can be serious though. My MW said the way I was feeling was very natural and it would pass, and it is passing. But if you continue to feel this depressed, perhaps you should speak to your MW or GP again and seek some counselling.

I think that's a lot of it, ReshapeWhileDamp - though I'd forgotten - guilt about upsetting the child you already have. Our third was supposed to be our last (DS after 2 DDs) and I wonder if I had guilt about him not being the baby anymore and how he would feel - I do remember having that thought this time round (and 2nd time).

But, if it helps, I'm an only child and I would have loved siblings - and at some point in the future, there will only be me left. I'll have no one to share any memories with - so I like to think that having siblings is a wonderful gift to give your children.

Lulu - you know, that was the one thing that really struck me about not wanting just one child. (actually, there are lots of reasons I don't want just one child, but this really hit me.) I would hate to saddle DS with all the emotional and practical responsibility for his parents when we become old and incapable. There will be nobody else to bear that with, the sadness and the responsibility. And also, nobody to share family memories with. I'm sorry you'll be the only one, eventually.

Also, of course, we have to have at least 2 children so they can become rich and support us in our dotage. (joke)

Thanks for you supportive words. Feeling a bit brighter today. (Maybe as had a better nights sleep.) I think I know what is on my mind and it is worry about the future, financial stress, not enough space, etc and feeling that is impossible to change these things. But I want to be a positive and happy mum. I will get help if needed as I've had depression before and do not want to go too far down that road ever again.

Thanks again.

I think the first trimester is awful! You have the sickness, totally debilitating tiredness and the uncertainty and often secrecy from others.

I was sick longer with this one than my first but it wasn't as bad. It wasn't a planned pregnancy so I felt that somehow it wasn't meant to be and we'd get to the 12 week scan and there would be nothing there, although I was desperate for another baby.

DS is 3 so he's a lot more independant than your little one but he still needed me when I felt awful and just wanted to rest. Plus I felt for a long time that I didn't love the baby I was carrying and what would I do if I didn't feel the same about it as I do about DS. Not mention as others have said the guilt about not being there only for DS when the baby came (this has come up again now as I'm 38 weeks and keep thinking this could be the last time we will do ___ just the two of us with everything we do!)

I don't know a lot about depression and I'm not saying that you are not suffering from antenatal depression but I do think pregnancy often leaves you in a very fragile state and that it is a bit of a rollercoaster!

bundlebelly I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, I've got no advice but I saw your post and wanted to come on and say hi.

The first two trimesters of my pregnancy were really hard for me, and I felt so up and down the whole time. I think probably it had an awful lot to do with moving houses and jobs, so a lot of upheaval just when you least need it. But that said, there were some days when I really shocked myself with the strength of my feelings. I was so close to going to the doctors so many times, although I didn't because I felt like 'but what would I say?' because on paper, I had nothing to be depressed about really.

It definately helped me coming on here and seeing the different posts and how other people were getting on. Just to know you're not alone makes you feel so much better.

I hope you start to feel better soon