Telling a friend Im pg now or wait a bit longer

[Beabea]

A good freind of mine has been ttcing for some time. She also had a m/c last year. She has taken all this rather badly.

I am due to see her tomorow and dont know if I should tell her by phone tonight or leave it a while longer. If I tell her by phone then she can have a good cry after. I suspect she will cancel the dinner tomorow if I do.

The other option is to leave it longer and wait for the 12week scan.

There are so many pros and cons. Firstly this did happen some time ago and at some point she needs to get it together and come to terms with it. She needs to understand that we cant all wait for her to fall pg before we do.

On the other hand if I leave it a while she may get lucky herself as she is on clomid. I dont want to add further stress to her trying.

So what do you think?

Beabea: I don't envy you the decision. I have a good friend who is still TTC her first and I am now 12 weeks along with our fourth (having had 3 late miscarriages as well). I have not told her yet but mostly because I know that it will make her sad and I keep hoping that she falls soon too.

Don't suppose that helped except to let you know that you are not alone in your musings...

I personally would wait til I am 12 weeks as lots of people wait until the 3 months have passed anyway. That's just me though (maybe paranoid as I m/c'd before ds)

As someone who ttc'ed for ages I would beg you to tell her. What was most hurtful was not the fact that people got pregnant, it was the fact that I didn't find out from them.

btw, horrible situation for you! my best friend is ttc and has big problems with cycles so i'd hate this situation if i was pg and she still wasn't!

good luck with what you decide!

personally having been on your friends side I would tell her. It would be worse to find out after 12wks if you are a good friend, also if you are telling others it could leak out and sometimes pregnancy can be hard to hide. I think when you are ttc you are stressed anyway and at the end of the day you being pregnant will not help or hinder her getting pregnant if that makes sense.

ladymuck i agree and if the worst should happen and you did mc..not to be pessimistic then it can help having someone know who has been through the same.I have had 3mcs 2 b4 having ds and a missed mc in dec before i got pg again in march.

The day I had my hysterectomy my SIL told me that I was going to be an Aunty....tactless cow!

I'd wait if I were you until you have had your 12 week scan and then tell her. The worst thing for me was being the last one to know my sister was expecting!!!

My best mate got really upset when I told her a friend of ours is pg and mentioned that all these people she knows are suddenly pg and she can't stand it - that's why I really hope she gets there before I'm expecting my next!! (not ttc though)

Everyone is different though!

Thanks for the replies. It looks like I shall still be telling her when she rings me later. I'm really dreading it. :-(

Hellybelly - well I was hoping that she would get there first too. As to add insult to injury, we werent trying. Its a happy mistake.

Message withdrawn

These things happen. Thinking about it, knowing my mate, althought I KNOW she'd have a good cry, she'd be very upset if she found out I hadn't told her! Good luck!

I think she would rather know..she may be very happy and can enjoy your pregnancy with you.
I can't imagine her being resentful if she is such a good friend..but I've never had this situation so I don't really know.