Started bleeding and feel so alone

[jasmine51]

Hi
6 weeks pregnant at age of 42 and husband in Iraq. We have been so excited about this pregnancy but this morning I have started bleeding. I didnt have many other pg symptoms anyway, just enormous boobs but now even those have gone down. I had a word with the doc this morning and she said there was nothing that could be done or checked and to just wait and see. I have never felt so alone, so distraught and hopeless. I dont know what to do with myself I'm just sitting staring out of the window and crying - please help me
x

Hey there :(.
What would you be doing today if all this weren't going down?

Hi
Doing some work (which I love), taking the dog for a walk, chatting to my lovely neighbours, all the usual kinds of tedium but all I want at the moment is my husband here and thats not going to be possible

Hi
It doesn't always mean bad news. I had bleeds, one very heavy, at 6 weeks and 8 weeks and I am now 18 weeks.

Try not to worry too much as it is very common. Obviously it can be a sign of something going wrong but not in every case. You'd be really surprised how often it happens. Try to take your doctor's advice and wait and see. I know it is very hard. At my 6 week bleed, it was so heavy that the doc said he thought it was a complete miscarriage. Only sent me for a scan to see 'what was left'.

Is there no chance of a referral to the early pregnancy unit for a scan then at least you might be able to find out one way or the other?

Take care
xxx

Thankyou
I will ask but she did say over the phone that nothing would be gained by a scan. I guess I am feeling very negative about it all because I had few pregnancy symptoms anyway, specifically no nausea which led me to believe my hcg levels must be low. I have has early miscarriages before but each time I have had a massive wave of nausea just before bleeding - nothing at all this time. How women can ever get through 9 months of this worry I'll never know.
By the way, huge congrats at 18 weeks....I am excited for you
xx

If you're 6 weeks then they should be able to see a heartbeat, so there is something to be gained. Of course, it doesn't guarantee that you won't lose the baby further along the line, but seeing it can be quite reassuring.

I had very few pregnancy symptoms at your stage. I also had bleeding periodically from 5 weeks till about 13. I'm now 38 weeks with a perfectly healthy little baby....

Thankyou
Im really torn between all your lovely hopeful stories and the sense of 'maybe' and just wanting to know its over so I can deal with it. Im seeing the doc at 4.30 for a cervical examination but the crampy pains are now getting worse. Bleeding has gone very brown. Husband has been messaged but no response which also doesnt help.
I will let you all know what the outcome is
Massive love to all
x

Hi Jasmine

I am not quite sure why your doc said that there is no point in a scan. Having been through 3 MCs, I have been told on countless occasions thst the only way to be sure of anything is to have a scan (possibly repeated in a week or so if it is inconclusive).

I am not sure where you are based, but you may well be able to obtain an early PG scan at an Early Pregnancy Unit (if that is what you want). If you would like a scan, check out this website to see where your nearest on is and maybe give them a call.www.earlypregnancy.org.uk/FindUs1.asp

FYI - I am now in my 4th PG (no kids yet). I don't know how this will end, but I am now 29+4, so things are looking promising. I had a couple of massive bleeds with this pregnancy as well (at something like 6/7 and 8/9 weeks I think), with huge clots and everything, so bleeding isn't always doom and gloom. And indeed one of my MCs was a total shock as I had had all the "right" symptoms and no bleeding at all. So you just never know.

I hope all goes well for you - and let us know how you get on. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this without your husband. It must make it even tougher.

I agree with KFW the scan can be tremendously reassuring. Its so much better to know either way anyway. My doc said the same to me when I bled and I fought to get a referral to the EPU. They refer you over the phone. good luck and try to rest x x x

KFW Thats really useful info thanks, I've just called and my local clinic requires a GP referral. I'll ask about that this afternoon. Sitting here very quietly now willing the cramps to stop.

No problem Jasmine. I would also say - and you can maybe ask your doctor about this - that in my experience (which I appreciate will be far, far less than your GP) cervical examinations aren't necessarily helpful. They only tell you if your cervix is dilated at that time. If it is, then my understanding is that you are either having/about to have a MC. However, if it is not dilated, that does not mean that you will not become dilated, or that you have not already been dilated and that it has then closed again (if that makes any sense).

My first MC was misdiagnosed because although I had had a lot of bleeding and pain, the doctor examined me and declared that I had not had a MC because my cervix was closed. I went to an EPU a day later to check and in fact I had had a complete miscarriage.

I don't want to add further to your concerns, but I know how horrid it is being in limbo and I think that if you are after an answer, you should press your GP for a scan.

Best wishes

So sorry you're going through this without your DH.

I would definitely press your GP for a scan, as it's the only way to really know what's going on.

Is there a friend who could come and sit with you and hold your hand?

Jasmine if your GP won't give you a scan referral then you can get a scan by going to a & e. It's not ideal (all those oddly injured people!) but it's where I was told I HAD to go when I thought I was having a mc. The not knowing is terrible - worse than knowing either way as you don't know whether to hope for the best or prepare yourself for the worst. In the meantime, just rest and try and distract yourself to pass the time. Thinking of you xx

So sorry you're going through this alone jasmine. It must be so hard having your partner so far away.

My brother is in Afghanistan and he's finding it really tough. I am in the middle of making a little book to send to him, photos of his niece (my DD) and other bits and bobs that have happened over the summer (he went in April)with little funny messages. It's nothing fancy, just done on plain paper hole punched together, just something to show we're thinking of him. Might be something to do to focus your mind, even if you don't send it and just keep it for yourself.
Keep busy today, even if it's just through posting here. Lots of love to you x

I agree with the other posters. At the QE early pregnancy unit you can self refer (i think) they are only open in the mornings 8am - 12 i think. I had a bleed at 7 weeks and GP sent me for a scan and they could see a heart beat - i'm now 27 weeks. The sonographer there said if I was worried or concerned at any point to come back, that I did't nd a referral. I know it is hard to stay positive but for your on peace of mind why don't you insist the dr refer you to the EPU. Or go down yourself tom morning. There is no appt system. You just turn up and wait. First come first served so to speak.

Having someone with you will def help. I'm so sorry your husband is away.

Xx

PS - try not to be too concerned about lack of symptoms. I didn't get very many at all and cerainly not until at least 6/7 weeks which was just a feeling of nausea and tiredness. I was worried to but sickness didn't kick in until a bit later.
x

Thankyou all so much for your support and kind words. I had my gp appointment, cervix is closed and test is still positive but there is still bleeding. I have an EPU appointment for Monday by which time I think it will be more than obvious which way things are going. Sought out some spiritual support today and am feeling alot calmer and accepting. Husband has made contact and is getting clearance to call this evening (which is going to be tough all over again). Anyway, I'm keeping everything, (especially my legs) crossed at the moment and will let you know what happens.
i really appreciate all of your words, they mean so much
Love
xx

Fingers crossed Jasmine51 xx

Hoping it is good news for you on Monday.

FWIW, I had almost no symptoms for either the mc or my successful pg, so I would echo what others have said that it doesn't seem to mean anything.

Thankyou all
I'm afraid the troubles continue. Spent yesterday in A&E with flooding. Had scan (in maternity unit next to babies and pg women which I thought was desperately insensitive)The scanning lady was not nice and before she even started she said 'theres not much point doing this, its not going to show anything'...as if it was my choice! - I did complain to the gynae ward about her. She didnt explain what was on the scan but I saw my notes and it said 'inconclusive' on it. Im sure I saw a foetus on the scan but didnt ask the scanner about it. Ive been sent away to see if the pg test is still positive in a weeks time. At least the feelings of despair have now been replaced by pure anger at the coldness of it all. So many people have been so nice about this, including the A&E staff and all of you but its an incredibly hard time, you would think the hosp staff would be more understanding.

You poor thing. Hospital staff can be so insensitive. I had horrific time with scans and horrid staff - I won't go into detail here as it was later scans, but I know exactly what you mean - they don't seem to understand how scary it all is.
Fingers crossed for you. x

Jasmine- I had a horrible time with hospital staff at a early scan after having bleeding early on in my 1st pg, they suspected ectopic.

I found it cathartic to write a polite but firm letter to the hospital explaining why my care hadn't been sensitive enough and what had offended me about the comments made. I received a nice letter back and after I felt like I had maybe made it better for other women in the future because it is such a vulnerable time. Maybe you could do the same once you feel up to it?

I had an early scan at 7wks due to bleeding at the epu - the maternity nurse was lovely the sonographer was a miserable old bag - she did let me see the scan when she had checked all was well and literally all could see was a teeny tiny beating dot so its unlikely you saw a "foetus".

I think these sonographer try not be to too cheerful in case they are giving bad news but equally they should be more sensitive and the one you had sounds like a right moo!!

hopefully all is well for you.

You poor thing!

Not only are you unlucky enough to be going through this alone but the sonographer sounds absolutely awful! I often wonder why people like that are doing the job they're doing- if they don't like dealing with people and can't be bothered to connect or show any sensitivity, they should get a research job where they'll be burried in a basement lab squinting into a microscope. I don't doubt her abilitiy or qualifications but when you're dealing with stuff like this you've got to have something of a bedside manner, haven't you?... All my sonographers have been pretty blinking humourless and a bit short with me too- seems it goes with the job a bit :(

I had lots of early bleeds- and for some of them my husband was working away from home and I couldn't believe how solated I felt. They kept happening on and off for ages, but at around 18 weeks they sort of stopped, with only one tiny one since. No one seemed to know why they were happening and I still have no explaination.

I'm 24 weeks now, so blood is not always the harbinger of disaster. Sending love to you tho, and hoping things are okay. Talking to the folks on here always made me feel less alone with the problem.