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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Anyone else fed up with work?

21 replies

bytheMoonlight · 10/08/2010 11:07

7 months pg, had to come home yesterday as my back was killing. Think I have the start of SPD again Sad I had it bad with dd.

I know when I go in today there will be more 'talks' between my manager and I about my absence.

I was off a couple of weeks ago for 4 days with D&V. And since falling pregnant I have had three seperate days off with morning sickness.

After my last absence I was threatened with disaplinary action next time I went sick, even if was with a pregnancy related illness.

I think my union rep will have told my manager by now that he can't threaten that but I will still be lectured and put through the mill today and I really haven't got the energy to deal with it or him.

Anyone else fed up and had enough?

OP posts:
compo · 10/08/2010 11:09

Blimey your boss sounds very unsupportive

any chance your gp could sign you off for the rest of your pregancy?

Do you need to go back after dc2?

hairymelons · 10/08/2010 11:14

I am fed up but mainly because I can't be arsed- I'm my own boss so no-one is being a dick about it.

In your case, however...Your absences don't sound unreasonable to me, even as an employer. If your boss is making you feel that way (that your pregnancy is a problem for them & that you are worried about disciplinary action) he is acting way out of line.

Talk to your union again and make sure your boss knows you've been talking to them. If you feel unable to return to work because of this, you may have a case for constructive dismissal and that's the last thing he wants.

And, anyway, everyone should just be nice and sympathetic when you're pregnant because it's hard work at times, especially 2nd time round. How old is DC1?

hairymelons · 10/08/2010 11:16

Saw an osteopath for my SPD a few months ago btw, the difference was amazing. A good friend went to a chiropractor and also said it was miraculous. It's expensive so I used my HIP grant for it, was money v well spent.

PickleSarnie · 10/08/2010 11:17

7 days in 7 months doesn't sound like an excessive amount! Obviously it's more than average but if you've felt anywhere near as crap as me then its pretty good going. I've had 6 days in nearly 8 months - I don't usually take that in a year but I feel it's fairly good considering how awful I've felt for the entire year.

Can't believe how unsuportive your boss is being. Guess the upside that it's nearly over now! Not long to go.

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 10/08/2010 11:24

unsupportive sums him up nicely, he doesn't give a damm that I am pregnant.

I am just an inconvience to him. He asked when I am coming back and when I said it will be when my full pay stops at 26 weeks, he pulled a face as if to say 'that long?'

I wouldn't mind so much if it were a small business but its a national company with thousands of employees.

Not sure what I would say to the doctor to get signed off tbh.

My union rep told me to phone our employment health service to tell them that I am being putting under stress by my manager due to my pregnancy.

OP posts:
daisystone · 10/08/2010 11:26

Your boss sounds like a total shit. Poor you! Get yourself to the doctors and get signed off work.

Your boss probably doesn't have a leg to stand on. He cannot sack you for pregnancy related illnesses.

What an arsehole. Makes me angry. Angry

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 10/08/2010 11:37

How do I get myself signed off sick?

DD is 2 btw.

Is anyone else getting in trouble for the time they are having off?

OP posts:
Swazzee · 10/08/2010 11:50

Moonlight, the way your boss is treating you sounds disgusting. Have a look at this page on the Equality and Human Rights Commission website to see your rights.

I agree with your union rep that you should report your boss for putting you under stress. Strikes me that such a big company would not be happy with the kind of publicity a lawsuit would bring, and I would threaten them as much...

And also, the amount of time you've had off doesn't sound unreasonable at all. I know plenty of people who have had far more time than that, and they aren't even pregnant.

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 10/08/2010 12:03

I guess I just don't like making a fuss and I don't want to cause any trouble. If I phoned my employment service I wouldn't know what to say.

By going to the doctor I would feel like a fraud.

I just want to be left alone to get through this as best I can.

DH says if I don't start showing them that I won't be treated like this it will just get worse.

So fed up, wish I could just crawl under a stone

OP posts:
Doretaball · 10/08/2010 12:11

Its direct sex discrimination and completely unlawful to subject someone to a detriment because of pregnancy related sickness - your boss is being an a*se.

I know its always a bit difficult to complain about your boss but it is completely unfair that he is putting you under this pressure - is there an HR person you could speak to. Most large companies are terrified of pregnancy related employment issues and I therefore suspect that this manager might just not understand the law in this area - If you speak to HR, they will most likely advise him to back off.

Good luck

p.s. I'm totally fed up at work too - not because my boss is horrid but just because I'm finding it so hard to concentrate and am really tired, also can't seem to get comfortable at my desk despite various different aids! SO am v sympathetic that you have to deal with an a*se for a boss as well as all the "normal" stuff. 6 weeks to go and counting!

daisystone · 10/08/2010 12:27

I had dreadful MS when I had really only just started a short term high pressure contract where they had brought me in as they were very busy and needed me to take on a pretty large workload.

I had no option but to take some days off sick as what could I do? I couldn't get up and get myself dressed, let alone drive to work and then sit in meetings and communicate effectively all day.

Luckily they were OK, but I did still feel guilty (crazy but I always feel guilty about taking time off work). At the time I was so ill that there really was no other alternative. As I was only in a contract they could probably have cut it short early, but as you are in a perm job they cannot treat you unfairly or get rid of you or discipline you.

If your boss says anything again, I suggest taking him to one side and very clearly stating that you don't like being threatened with disciplinary action when you are genuinally ill with pregnancy related problems. Explain that if he continues to talk to you/threaten you like this then you will speak to a third party and gain advice.

I have worked in HR and recruitment for quite a while and no medium or large sized company would allow a manager to do this. (small companies still get away with murder unfortunately). He obviously has no idea of the sort of trouble he could get into. Don't feel you have to handle it alone - bring someone else in - it sounds like he needs things explaining to him by a member of the HR team.

hairymelons · 10/08/2010 12:34

Think we're synchronised, bytheMoonlight, DC1 is 2 and I'm also 7 months pg. It's knackering, you don't need the added stress of a nob head boss.

Take some advice about what your rights are then let him know you've done so. If that's not enough for him to rectify his behaviour, take it further.

How soon do you finish? I have 5 weeks to go.

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 10/08/2010 12:52

9 weeks left hairymelons. Nine weeks has never felt so long!

OP posts:
Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 10/08/2010 13:21

Just counted and its 6 weeks! Grin Yay! Don't know where I got nine from!

Just phoned HR and they said it doesn't matter if uses the conduct stages against me, when it comes to the final stage I will not be sacked as I'm protected.

They advised me to be compliant and treat it just as an irritation but not to worry as manaagement are just wasting their time filling out all that paperwork.

They said to also ask my union rep to point out to my manager how bad it would look if our firm was in the papers for sacking a pregnant woman based on pregnancy related illnesses.

Still got to put up with all his nonsense today though Sad

OP posts:
hairymelons · 10/08/2010 13:22

Are you working right up to your due date then? I'm 31 weeks today, the prospect of still hauling my arse into work at 36 weeks is a bit daunting to say the least!

daisyj · 10/08/2010 13:27

You're boss is a total arse. I was under the impression that it's not actually legal for them to ask when you're coming back at this stage. Truly, truly what a complete and utter tosser. I know the thought is probably too much right now, but he needs a swift kick up the backside in the form of a warning of some kind. Does your boss not have a boss that can have a word? Your HR department need to step up to the mark and tell him in no uncertain terms that he is potentially putting the company in a VERY bad position. So Angry for you. And absolutely agree with everything daisystone says.

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 10/08/2010 13:29

Thats the plan hairymelons, we get 26 weeks maternity at full pay and then I'll have to go back to work so want to try and have as much time as possible off after.

OP posts:
Ibizadreams · 10/08/2010 13:50

"They advised me to be compliant and treat it just as an irritation"

This makes my blood boil! So because he's fed up with circumstances which are beyond your control, he gets to make your life a misery?!

Pah. I'm fed up with work too. My longest-standing client has been pretty rude and non-understanding since I told him I was pg.

hairymelons · 10/08/2010 13:53

6 weeks sounds better! Would be awful if you got signed off early due to bullying work related stress, wouldn't it...?

Seriously though, if you find the situation unbearable and it is causing you excessive amounts of stress, do go and see your doctor.

I know you probably don't want to 'cause trouble' if you have to go back to work there later on but remember that you've done nothing wrong and it is your boss that is acting immorally and illegally.

bigredtractor · 10/08/2010 14:05

Hello - sorry your boss is behaving like a sh*t. Can I make a suggestion though?

It might be a good idea if you wrote everything down - one letter to your boss explaining your absence (& repeating the fact that your only other absence was 4 days), another to your union rep explaining that you are feeling under pressure from your boss, with a copy of both letters sent to your HR department.

On face value you have NOT had excessive time off work and the time that you have had has been for a genuinely pregnancy-related issue.

Setting it out like that in a letter might make you feel better, but importantly provides an early writeen record of the facts - just in case.

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 10/08/2010 14:35

Good advice bigredtractor, I will write everything down.

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