Domestic violence questioning by midwife - bit unimpressed

[redpickle]

I'm new here so hello!

I had a midwife appoinment last week (community) and the lady I saw was filling in a form, asking all the normal questions and she got to a question about domestic violence and she said

"Any trouble at home? No." (answering her own question and ticking the box before I gave any answer then onto the next question!!

It was one of those things that happens really quickly and you kick yourself for not saying anything at the time. I am lucky enough to be in a safe relationship but what if I wasn't? she was hardly giving me the opportunity to ask for help. She said at the beginning of the appointment that there was a lady in the next room about to deliver any moment (its a birth centre) so she might have to shoot off. This let me know she was disinterested from the outset, but I understand she was busy. Lucky for me she's not my allocated midwife and was just covering, but she will be looking after other women.

Just wondering if I should mention it at my next appointment, or to head-midwife? Just concerned that women in need of help might be treated like this too.

Dh wasn't allowed to be in the room with me at the booking in appointment for this reason (the reason wasn't discussed in front of him, the midwife just asked him to wait in the waitingroom).

My midwife was very sensitive about asking the questions and I should imagine that if you were experiencing domestic violence it might let you know that someone cared and there was help available even if you didn't mention it at that appointment.

But yes, if it's just a tickbox then it's pointless. I definitely felt that it communicated to me that there was help for those that needed it.

Same with the HV who went through the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression score with me. She really listened to answers (a friend had recently lost their baby so my answers, although not indicative of depression, weren't straightforward) but I know people who felt that this was also a tick box exercise and they weren't listened to.

Oh, yes! The Edinburgh Postnatal Depression score for me was just ticking boxes in the waiting room and handing it back. It was like one of those quizzes in a magazine..and I could figure out the right answers so it was easy. So I gave the "right" answers and let the fact that I was suffering PND go unnoticed. [stupid]

Good post, RosT

I agree that there should be less form ticking and more time for the mw to actually speak to the patient.

I think mine asked me if I had ever been in an abusive relationship, I seem to recall being quite impressed at the way that was put, as an indicator of risk.

You should definately mention it. I was in a violent relationship with my 1st pregnancy and was never asked. I'm now pregnant again with a different DP (who would never lay a finger on me) but i wasn't asked this time either.
Infact, this thread is the first i've heard that pregnant women are even asked. Was totally unaware it was a line of questioning. It sounds like a letter to the head of midwives (or equivalent) is needed though-rather than just telling another MW- as the level of competence in this line of questioning is erratic at best and down right dangerous at worst.

I was asked this at a home visit after my twins were born by my Healh Visitor. My DH was in the room at the time! Fortunately, DV was not an issue but imagine if it was! Neither DH nor I could understand why the HV thought it was ok to ask about DV in his presence.

What do they do anyway if you say yes?

Contact SS, who come and snatch your baby at birth to 'protect' them.

If I was being abused I certainly wouldn't tell a midwife.

My booking-in midwife saw me alone and was quite up front about it, explained why they were asking, apologised in case I was offended (I wasn't). They have a DV counsellor on site if anyone should need it at any stage - I was impressed.

FWIW they also ask if you are related to the baby's father by blood. The midwife made it into a joke about everyone from her village marrying their cousin, so I guess there are ways and means to address these sensitive issues, as some people might take offence.

My husband came with me to my first appointment and the midwife asked me that question while my husband was there!!! I mean, i'm not in that position but imagine if i were! I would hardly be able to answer truthfully would I. I agree, the questioning method is pretty bad all round.

foreverastudent, I expect they offer the same support that they would if you told your GP and weren't pregnant. I think I read somewhere that DV is the most common cause of death in pregnancy in the western world, so it makes sense that they want to find out about it and prevent it.

Really Porcelain? DV is the highest cause of death in pregnancy in the Western world? That is appalling. And we call ourselves civilised.

porcelain- it would be nice to think that they were doing this for the benefit of women but I'm to cynical to believe that. I think it's done for child protection reasons.

Thanks for your replies. I think I would always feel a bit guilty if I didn't bring it up with my next midwife. I'm thinking I might 'ask' about the why/how they ask the question and just say that I am concerned that it might need a re-think/training, rather than complaining and naming names. The local NCT are very involved in the birth centre, very amicably so I might even see if they want to take it up.

Really interesting to hear your experiences. Thank you!

My indep. MW asked me about this with DH at our booking appt, and it was certainly not a tick-the-boxes exercise. She gave me a domestic violence contact card and told us both how pregnancy can act as a catalyst for violence both ways, etc. I was expecting it because I was asked at previous booking appts, but it always feels a little awkward. I'd rather feel awkward than have this glossed over, though.

OP, I'd be pretty unhappy with your MW too. What else is she going to gloss over and tick the box, if she does that?

i wasn't even asked