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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

birthing partner - can you have 2? I'm not sure DH will be that good at it!

19 replies

angels1 · 09/08/2010 09:29

DH wants to be there at the birth. He says he will do all he can to help me through it and I know he will try his best for me....but he's not always that good at things like this - he never knows what to say or do so I need to tell him at the time exactly what I want/need or he just sort of goes quiet and gives 'I don't know what to do' eyes. I know this isn't his fault, and he'll try his best, but it sort of worries me that when I want someone to try to keep me calm and relaxed without me having to instigate this and he will just freeze and do nothing.

Tbh I'm sure my Mum would do a much better job - she always knows what to say at the right time and she was a nurse so knows a bit about the medical bits and pieces. She's also better at being proactive in making sure I get what I want in a nice way, whereas DH is a bit of a mumbler and doesn't explain himself well. But I don't want DH to miss out on something that he wants to experience (he really does want to help me through).

Can you have 2 birth partners? Do they let you have 2 people in your 'room' at hospital when you give birth? My NHS leaflet just says they prefer you to have only 1 person. Surely you need 2 to take it in turns as chances are it will go on a lonnnnggg time (this is my first).

And if you had a DH like mine as a birth partner, was he any good and have you got any hints on how to 'teach' him so he came good in the end?

OP posts:

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cravingcroissants · 09/08/2010 09:31

It depends on the hospital. My sister had my mum and her partner. But Ive given birth in 3 different hospitals and they all had a one birth partner policy.

NeedToSleepZZZ · 09/08/2010 09:42

angels, this is bizarre now! I'm having my mum and best friend with me as I think that I'll be far calmer if the people holding my hand etc have done it themselves. I love my OH but I don't want to be worried about him seeing me in pain (he's agreed to this).

I think that as wonderful as it is to be pregnant (well, still waiting to 'bloom'), you give up the rights to your body for 9 months so much that anything that you can do that will help you at the end is perfectly acceptable. I'm not sure if my hospital lets you have 2 partners but I'm going to insist on it!!

It's your body and if you want your mum with you then so be it! You're right as well about them taking turns, it could be a long time....

Good luck today, hope you're feeling okay

sarahscot · 09/08/2010 09:44

I had the same worries about my DH, but when it came to it he was fantastic. The hospital where I gave birth let you have 2 birthing partners too.

MmeLindt · 09/08/2010 09:45

Ask in your hospital.

My SIL asked my mum to be there at the birth and the hospital was fine with it.

Principle · 09/08/2010 09:46

Ive chosen my partner and my mum too, my maternity unit is okay with this.

xkatyx · 09/08/2010 09:48

I had my hubby, sister and mum in with me :-) it was great they were all really good.

BuckBuckMcFate · 09/08/2010 09:49

I've always had my Mum and Dp there and never even thought to ask if it was allowed.

DP has always been fantastic but there is still a part of me that when I'm hurt or feeling ill that goes 'I want my Mum!'

I hope that you are allowed to have your Mum there with you.

Original poster

angels1 · 09/08/2010 09:53

thanks needtosleep. Taking it very easy this morning so as not to tire myself out for afternoon appointment. Very up and down but hoping my body gets itself into gear and comes good so I can make it - the thought of seeing the little baby is enough to make me really want to get there!

OP posts:

NeedToSleepZZZ · 09/08/2010 09:57

keep that in your mind, it really is magical and the photos will give you something to focus on when you're feeling bad. Stay in bed and rest until you have to get up!

Kity · 09/08/2010 09:58

couldn't recommend it highly enough! If your hospital will allow it I would most definitely have 2 partners. I had my lovely hubby and my sister and they were both totally fantastic, I too had worried about my partner as birth is so unbelievably intense I didn't want it to be a really scary experience for him. My sister has had 3 children so had been through it 3 times so really reassured him and helped me without taking over.
Go for it! and good luck

MissCalamity · 09/08/2010 10:06

Check with your hospital or ask your midwife when you go through your birth plan.

I also had my mum there when I gave birth, as like you I thought my DH may be a bit useless as he doesn't do blood or needles and despite me mentioning a thousand times I wanted a water birth, he couldn't get it in his head and thought I'd be giving birth on my back and a few pushes later I'd have a baby

When it came to it though, he was really good - my mum helped in that she sat with me on the car journey to the hospital and got out with me when DH had to park the car. She also remembered to pick up all my clothes I'd thrown off on the floor and my hospital bag and knew where things were in it. My DH was sat in front of me in the birthing pool and kept encouraging me and giving me gas & air, water and damping me down. At this point my mum stayed at the back of the room and only got involved when DH needed the toilet.

She also calmed DH down when I'd gone to be stitched up and it felt like forever as he was going to come and look for me!!

You never know, your DH might surprise you - mine certainly did!

Good luck

daisystone · 09/08/2010 10:18

angels1 - your DH sounds like my DH. He is fab and tries really hard and is generally very good - but when he is unsure or upset he can go quiet and clam up.

Labour is not the time for him to go quiet on me! I have repeatedly said that I will need him to think for himself and for me and if I ask for something he is not to question it but to just do it.

I still have reservations, but we have not had our antenatal classes yet and I am hoping that this will open his eyes to what he needs to do and what his role is.

My Mum really doesn't want to be part of it and although I know if I said I needed her, she would be there, I only want people there who actually want to be there if you know what I mean! I don't want her squirming in the background thinking 'oh God, too much blood and pain'

Who knows how it will go. Time will tell.

Mahraih · 09/08/2010 11:42

OP: I'm having the same thoughts. Our relationship issues aside, DP is a fainter. When I had my bloods drawn, he had to leave the room.

My hospital are willing to do it unless there are severe complications. :)

SirBoobAlot · 09/08/2010 12:13

Our hospital advocated two birth partners. Because there will be a time when one of them needs a wee / a cigarette / a walk / a snack / etc, and you probably won't want to be just left to it, especially if you are well into it.

On a bloody level - there was very little in my case. I was lucky, and didn't tear at all, I think I only lost 200ml. DP isn't a big fan of blood either, but said it was much better than he was expecting!

Palace39 · 09/08/2010 14:24

My hospital allows two- they said it helps to give dh a break if he needs one and so that allows someone else can be with you in the meantime (although dh bless him can't understand why on earth he would need a break from watching me do all the work)...

Perhaps they worry that you might strangle the first one and need a backup...

whirleywoo72 · 09/08/2010 16:27

Im 33wks and have dh and my sister, with me my sister will be more help then dear husband xx

Moogsmummy · 10/08/2010 11:04

I had my mum and my DP.

My mum was useless bless her! I was in labour for a while, and in the end they decided on an emcs, my mum went to bits, panic attack etc. I was calm and so was DP.

This time round she will be looking after DD at home, and I am planning on taking DP with me. I cant deal with her not coping when I am trying to stay calm and concentrate.

emptyshell · 10/08/2010 11:11

No one can be as bad as my dad - he passed out and spent half of the "main event" coming round in the corridor!

Palace39 · 10/08/2010 13:11

My mum is my other birthing partner. I'm sure my dh will be fine but mummy dearest is a paramedic and has delivered a fair few babies herself so i feel better having her there too. That's not to say that i don't trust the midwife, but my mum takes no messing, and will tell me to get on with it when i start wailing that 'i can't do it'...

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