Telling grown up (step) children I'm pregnant

[buttercup123]

Hi everyone, I'm a newbie at this, so forgive any clumsiness.

I'm 8 weeks' pregnant, and my partner has two teenage kids. We're not going to tell them until I'm past the 12 week milestone, but just wondering whether anyone has experience with this sort of thing?

We're really worried about how they're going to take it. We will do everything we possibly can to ensure they feel still wanted, needed, etc - but we know it is still going to affect them in a big way. Any chance anyone's had experience with this, has any tips?

How old are they?

I've no expirence with step children, but my then 11 year old DD was thrilled at the idea of being a big sister. All her school friends were jealous!

My 13 yearold son was mortified.....couldn't believe we still did it possibly.

Might be tricky with slightly younger DC who will worry about being less special.

Congratulations to you both firstly. I've not been in your situation but I would imagine it would be good to make a big thing of how the 2 teenagers are going to be big brother/sisters and how they can help with the new baby.

I would also buy them both a present from the baby as well.

Good luck.

Boy is 18 and girl is 13 years old.

The daughter is particularly close to / dependant on her Dad, and I'm sure will feel quite threatened. But she is also a lovely girl, and I think she will totally love having a younger sister / brother. But it's just telling them initially that is going to be tricky...

That is very funny about your 13 year old son. I think the added complication with the step children is that they find it hard not seeing their Dad all the time, so they may be more likely to feel like they are being replaced?

I was a step child ... im 20 now. (9 weeks pregnant)

when i was told my stepmum was having a baby i was 14.

I was worried id be all on my own and left and unloved and my dad would push me to one side and forget about me because i didnt live with him.

i tried to be supportive as she was made up but i felt really jealous and it felt like she'd done it on purpose because i wasnt hers and she wanted me out the way because she wanted her own and my dad to herself.

but after he was born i was happy that i had a little brother to look after and she always still made me feel welcome and my dad tried to do all things together as a family.

I admit i wasnt the easiest person to tell about it but once he arrived i softened and realised she needed to be a mum aswell and i shouldnt make her feel bad for wanting that.

good luck. :)

Thanks LovelyKatie. All the feelings you describe are the ones we know my partner's daughter will have. I guess we just have to be there for her as she has those feelings, and do everything we can to make her feel she will still be a part of the family (and a very important one at that). But I'm sure it is going to be a little rough until the baby arrives and she gets to see that we mean it. There's no magic answer, is there...

I have a 12 year old step daughter and have not quite been with her dad two years and I am 25 weeks pregnant!

I must admit I have been very lucky as I get on very well with my step daughter, can take her out shopping and things. Also very lucky as she was an only child and had been dropping hints about wanting a brother or sister!

However, she has had a few wobbles... as you would expect. The thing which has helped the most is involving her in everything. I got a pregnancy book and we look through it at least once a week to find out what is happening - she loves that. Also when we go shopping we look at cute baby clothes together and I have asked her if she wants to come with me when I buy the stuff for her sister. She said "YES!". We reassured her we wouldn't ask her to give up her room (even though baby will have a shoe box) because her mum had told her she end up in the shoe box.... And I keep telling her what a fab big sister she'll be and how much her little sister will look up to her. So far so good...

Good luck!

Hi @buttercup123
Wonder if you still get these notifications
Your situation quite similar to mine, and I wondered how it turned out in the long run?
My fella just told his two teenagers today
B19 and G17
And G17 has not reacted well, feels pushed out, staying with her grandparents tonight, feels like we are making a new family, and she doesn’t fit anymore.
Heartbreaking
Any help or advice would be greatly received xx