Are irrational (I hope) fears normal in the last few weeks...?

[legallyblond]

I am now 33 weeks.

So far, I have had a remarkably easy pregancy - v little morning sickness, physically v little discomfort (just the occasional backache and night-time leg cramps) and I am still going strong at work.

It is my first baby and I have an anterior placenta, so I didn't feel movements for ages (until about 24 weeks for sure) and, even now, although I count the required 10 movements in 12 hour periods, the baby isn't really active - just some descrete kicks and a couple of periods a day of some real tummy squirming! I have mentioned this to the midwife and she says its fine - as long as the pattern doesn't change and I feel it 10 times in 12 hours etc, its OK not to get the karate kicks and serious, all day movements that others mention. She also thinks it is because of my anterior placenta, because its my first and because I am distracted during the day in my (very stressful and engrossing) job...

Anyway... just in the last week or two, I have become really, really anxious.

I can't stop thinking that there is something wrong with this baby. I think a lot about Downs, even though I had a nuchal scan with bloods and I was low risk - 1.9mm nuchal, nasal bone seen, normal DV flow, bloods ok (don't know the figures though as you don't get told if low risk (over 1 in 200) on the NHS). I also seem to see disabled children everywhere (cerabal palsy etc) and fixate on that.

Last night I started a library book by Rosie Thomas (can't remember the name) that, unknown to me before I started it(!), is about a young couple in their 20s (like me), who have a baby due in september (like me!), the pg was very easy and the baby didn't move much (like me!) and when it is born she is Downs and they have her adopted (its about the mother 14 years later and her emotional journey etc etc). Well, I am normally quite rational but this was disatserous! It set off hysterical sobbing until 2am this morning and a conviction that something must be wrong......

I know this is a long post and I know that no-one can really reassure me, but does anyone else feel like this?

My HUGE (again, irrational) fear is that I feel like this becasue subconciously I know something is wrong..?! I have read of people saying this in hindsight (e.g. I secretly knew throughout the pg, the baby was so quiet etc etc)...

I don't really know what to do as when I talk to people about it, they just say I am being irrational (I hope I am!!). And I know from experience, that when you have an irrational fear like this, as soon as it is disproved, the memory of the fear fades, so that you don't really remember how bad and scared you felt at the time...

I just want this baby to be born and for everything to be ok...

ps - SOOOO sorry for the stupidly long post!

wow you sound the same as me! I'm 28wks and have had a very easy pregnacy. I'm starting to worry about all sorts, I didn't have the nuchal scan unlike you so feel like anything could happen. Don't have any advice just wanted to say I hear you

Thanks Roobear... I hate it! And its so unlike me! I mean really, crying until 2am about a fictional story becasue I thought it was a "sign" about me...?!

And the poor baby gets woken up be me so much in the evenings. Becasue I worry about whether I have felt it during the day, I prod and poke and jostle my tummy as soon as I get home so that I can feel it squirming around! It probably just wants to sleep...!

LegallyBlond - you must check the content of all books/films/TV programmes/adverts before watching when pregnant (especially at this stage)! It is totally normal to feel this way and the fact that you are now producing the same amount of oestrogen each day as you previously did in a year is making it a scary experience.

You are going to have a baby and you are going to love it. And that is really all you need to think about.

Normal normal normal.

Provide you have been to all your scans/appointments, if there was anything wrong it would have been picked up by now.

I used to sit at my desk all day and think "OMG I haven't felt DD!" Its that they sleep more in the day and also you are distracted and don't notice.

Please don't worry. Your fears aren't irrational, they are totally rational! You have a child and you have a mother's instinct to protect it, nothing irrational about that. You have the feeling of wanting to protect your baby but you can't actually see it to do so! So you are faced with an impossible task, really.

The most useful thing someone said to me about growing a baby and then bringing them up once they are with us in the big world is that your baby is an independent being, with a very strong biological drive to life and development. You don't have to make these things happen, you just have to provide a half way decent environment and it will all happen by itself.

Your baby will be growing him/herself independently of you. You've provided the womb and presumably have abstained from smoking, drinking too much, or thumping yourself in the tum! That's all you have to do. The baby does the rest, with vigour!

Its the same when they are out and developing. You don't have to teach them all the milestones -provided you are loving, responsive, feed and water them, all the milestones happen by themselves.

It was a great relief to me to think this way as I felt that growing DD was something I had to actively DO myself.

its crazy isn't it?! I didn't feel 'flump' until around 22wks, now I worry he/she is moving too much and is in distress. DH is amused by this and thinks its me just preparing to be a good mother!

Roo -

It doesn't stop once they are out either.

My DD has her MMR today - I am sitting at work stressing about it and whether she is going to be devastated that I let DH take her for it rather than go myself, whether she is going to have a terrible reaction and be ill, whether it is going to create a permanent breach in her trust in us, blah blah.

slaps self round head.

Totally normal. Of course, you're worried about such a big event in your life - on a smaller scale, did you stress it was going to rain on the day of your wedding? Did you think you hadn't got your job after the interview because you'd made such a mess of it (but then got the job!)? We imagine all sorts of worries and fears about these major events in our lives, and they don't get much more major than a new baby!

You're going to have a lovely baby and it will be the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to you

Oh, and Bumpsadaisie, I made DH take DD2 for her MMR, as I had done all the injections before then. I said I wanted him to have to do the dirty work, as it were.

DD2 didn't even cry....................

Thank you so much... your responses are wonderful and are helping (tears in my eyes at my desk... not good!).

Have a tissue, love.

Another ten weeks or so and the madness will be over!

I was a nervous wreck with DD and am now 9 weeks pg with DS2 and convincing myself that the reasson I don't feel particularly emotionally invested yet is because I know in my 'heart of hearts' that something is wrong.

I think this is a normal part of pregnancy anxiety. Don't forget that for everyone that had 'a feeling' that something was wrong and it was, there are far more that have had the same feeling and all is well .

I feel like this too - am 39 weeks and just worrying about baby coming out fine. Doesn't help that hse is quiet quiet these days - but I think that's due to lack of space at this stage! She's not been a big mover throughout pregnancy either - some people seem to get constant kicks but not me!

Scans and tests DO pick up the vast majority of problems of these days - so i'm sure we'll both be fine!

Tis all normal, but really chuck that book in the bin and read something very fluffy and funny. Anything with poiniant, thought provoking, emotional etc in the reviews should be avoided during pregnancy.

Worry, worry, worry, we all do it sometimes for good reason and sometimes irrationally. Hormones don't help to desypher which.

I was crying my eyes out to Bruce Springsteines Phliadelphia on the radio this morning - For gods sake slim get it together lady

DD didn't move around much - never got the huge, wake you up in the night kicks that people talk about.

I had an anterior placenta too.

I just got big, slow squirmy movements towards the end. To be honest I wasn't convinced there was a baby in there - maybe a bag of lizards or something!

I was astounded when this big, crying, perfect baby came out!

Think all these feelings are totally normal.

Thank you all!

So, so normal! I had all these worries in the last few weeks with DS, and really fixated on the Downs things too, even though I was low risk.

It was really stressful, especially as I'm not a worrier by nature! To find myself worrying about something so important was very hard.

Now, here I am 41+1 with DC2 and even though I've had a good pregnancy, and all-clear at the scans, and even better odds for DS, I am still worrying like anything in these last few days! I just want the birth to be over and have my little one safe in my arms.

It is perfectly normal to worry - more odd not to worry, I think! At least for Mums - Dads seem to be able to keep their rational head on much more easily.

I'm 22 weeks and I've had a lot of anxiety. I was convinced in the first trimester that the scan/nuchal fold tests would be awful - in fact, I had the risk of a 15 year old; I got over that hump and then went into overdrive thinking that I would definitely have a baby on the autistic spectrum; and then out of nowhere, for no reason, I was convinced I'd picked up toxoplasmosis or listeria. So much so I went to the doctor who put me in touch with my midwife ; i could hear myself on the phone explaining this anxiety and knowing it was not necessarily irrational, but totally wild and very very unlikely.

I am prone to worrying, but usually I can reign it in. This is different. I think it's about losing control - from the moment we decide to conceive we experience a loss of control and although we need the 9 month gestation period, it's a long time to experience new, unfamiliar feelings and changes and, combined with hormones, they can give way to lots and lots of anxiety. The truth is the overwhelming majority of babies are delivered healthy and strong; and I suspect it's quite normal for us all, at some point, to think we'll be in the minority and the sun will roll over us and we'll be unlucky.

But LegallyBlond, you won't be. You've had your tests and scans and they really know so much more than they ever did. It will be wonderful and you'll love the child who comes out of you