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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Telling friends and family

18 replies

PipPipPip · 03/08/2010 16:15

Hi there,

I'm five weeks pregnant. My partner and I are very excited, and would like to start telling close friends and family.

I know many people wait until 12 weeks and I understand why. However, we are quite 'open' people and I would prefer my close friends and family to know so they can either a) share my joy or b) provide support if something goes wrong.

I was wondering what your thoughts are on telling people? Did you wait until 12 weeks or spill the beans?

Or did you tell some people straight away, yet wait before telling others?

Cheers,

PipPipPip

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RooBear · 03/08/2010 16:17

We told our parents straight away, it was around 5 weeks as we were so excited! friends we waitied until 12 wks, but family as soon as poss! Congratulations!

Kiki84 · 03/08/2010 16:20

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Kiki84 · 03/08/2010 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFruitWhisperer · 03/08/2010 16:21

Firstly, congratulations!

I only told my mum and partner, manager (who is also a friend) and my friend who had just had a baby before we got to the 12 week mark.

Although I was pretty pleased I had only told those few, as I had bleeding at 10 weeks and spent a week wondering if he was still in there! He was, but if I'd told everyone and something had been wrong, the endless "are you ok" questions from people would have made me crumble.

Add to that, Im a bit fat, so people who hadnt heard the news might still ask when i was due!!!

Its up to you though - Tell people whenever you want! Enjoy it!

MrsCJOLG · 03/08/2010 17:36

Congrats

I told close friends and family when I found out, as I was a) really excited b) crap at keeping secrets c) figured I would want support either way.

I would have left work til 12 weeks, but I work with a large group of women, who had all had children in a physically demanding environment. They guessed, as I had morning sickness and then started to worry about the heavy lifting etc..

It's up to you, tell who you feel comfortable knowing!

Porcelain · 03/08/2010 18:17

We told my parents at 8 weeks, because it was Christmas and we rarely see them in person, I didn't want to wait and do it over the phone. We told my FIL even earlier at 6 weeks, because he was very ill and we wanted him to know. If we had waited until we told my family he would not have been lucid enough to understand (actually he died the day before I saw my parents).

Ulysses · 03/08/2010 18:25

I'm five weeks now and I am desperate to start telling people but DH is more reserved and wants to wait a few weeks.

My BF knows because DH wasn't around when I got BFP so I just had to tell someone but she is sworn to secrecy.

I am meeting with my boss tomorrow and I am tempted to say something because I am so tired and want to justify myself.

When i got pg first time round we told close friends and family straight away. We had been actively TTC but this time it is more a happy accident and we are still coming to terms outselves.

To Pip I completely agree with your sentiments though.

Original poster

PipPipPip · 03/08/2010 18:26

Thanks everyone

Due to timing of various things (parents live overseas, upcoming engagements where me not drinking will raise suspicions etc) I may end up telling a few friends before telling my parents.

Do you think this is this bad form? Should parents know first?

OP posts:

Ulysses · 03/08/2010 18:31

Hi Pip. There's no right or wrong unless you think that your parents might feel offended if they found out that others knew before they did (which is why I'm dithering about telling my boss before others).

With DD we found out in New York and phoned them from there. They were so delighted, didn't matter that it was a phone call.

babynelly2010 · 03/08/2010 19:28

We told our parents and direct family may be at 9 weeks we where going to wait until 12 weeks but could not do it. After the scan at 12 weeks we told close friends and now if it comes up we mention it.
It was very nice to let our family know, they are so supportive and excited, it made our pregnancy so much more real... but it can add stress because when you go for the scan you not only start thinking what is something is wrong but also what will I tell everyone if there is nothing in there or something is wrong. But it is a little worry compare to the whole excitement of the family. Congratulations and good luck!

Marrow · 03/08/2010 19:51

We told my parents and in-laws at 5.5 weeks as I was admitted to hospital. We then told our siblings at 12 weeks after scan. However I am now 15 weeks and we still haven't told anyone else!

I'm hoping we will hear heartbeat at 16 week appt and I will tell people after that. I have had a lot of losses and it doesn't feel real that I am actually pregnant!

manchestermummy · 03/08/2010 20:23

There's no right or wrong time. This time, a friend guessed I was pg the day after I got a BFP (I don't know how she does this). There was no point in lying so I came clean! I had a bleed at 9 weeks - all fine, thankfully - and her support was invaluable. I'm so, so glad that I had someone who knew how I was feeling as she'd had the same thing. My parents I told at 6 weeks as my mum was supposed to be babysitting one evening and I was too sick to go out! MIL was told at 12 weeks and everyone else pretty much at the same time.

It's up to you who you tell first - with DD we waited until 16 weeks to tell one group of friends as one of us had just had a baby and it felt wrong to steal her thunder.

Congrats, btw!

Julezboo · 04/08/2010 10:33

It is entriely up to you. I told a few close friends and my mum around 7 weeks, but didnt tell my dad until 10 weeks. No one else knows yet. I am 12 weeks now, have my 12 weeks scan next tuesday so we will hopefully "announce" it then, although I have been so ill and admitted to hospital people have probably guessed but with so many losses (7) I am scared to say it out loud at the moment.

Congrats!

Allegrogirl · 04/08/2010 10:57

I had to tell the in-laws very early as we were spending Christmas with them and I was already feeling sick and tired at 6 weeks. Plus I didn't have the energy to lie about why I couldn't eat certain cheeses, drink wine etc. So then of course I had to tell my parents. And then my close colleagues to explain why I was struggling at work. And then my closest friends. I would have found it too much like work keeping it to myself until 12 weeks but I have been lucky never to have a MC or any early pregnancy scares in either of my pregnancies.

I don't think there's a right or wrong on this. Do what makes YOU happy.

MissCalamity · 04/08/2010 11:05

Congratulations!!

It's such an exciting time, and I wanted to shout it from the roof tops!

I told 2 of my friends at about 6 weeks and another one guessed straight away when I was driving on a night out. We told our parents when I was 8 weeks, as we wanted to wait until FIL's birthday.

I told work at 13 weeks after I'd had my scan and everything was ok and then let the gossip filter round.

TBH I think most of your friends would probably guess if you're drinking or acting a bit funny - just as long as your parents don't hear it second hand then I think it's fine to let close friends know first.

Falsley · 04/08/2010 11:50

We told those friends and family that we would tell if we had a miscarriage. We had had a miscarriage in December and their support was invaluable. We are both very open with those close to us and I don't think either of us would have been able to hide our upset from them anyway.
When we got pregnant in January it just made sense to tell those same people - they were all delighted and it was lovely to be able to talk about it and get their support when I was really tired and struggling at work!
Everyone else was told after the 12 week mark as and when I saw them or it came up in conversation

emmyloo2 · 04/08/2010 12:32

Entirely up to you but I told my best friend and my Mum and Dad after about 4 weeks, maybe earlier. Literally a few days after I took the test. Then told other friends at about 8 weeks and finally made it official after the 12 week scan.

I am very close to my family and my best friends so I didn't feel the need not to tell them in case something went wrong. Because if something did go wrong I would have told them anyway.

KnitterNotTwitter · 04/08/2010 12:37

Having told more people than we agreed we would and then having a miscarriage at 13 weeks I can say that next time I will not be telling anyone until after the dating scan.

I found it incredibly draining telling people as they all wanted to help and provide emotional support but every time I told anyone the bad news I had to go through the emotional rollercoaster again. In the end I just stopped telling people and asked FIL to pass the news onto SSIL's etc....

Also there is nothing worse than forgetting you've told someone and then them bumbling up 2 or 3 weeks after the misscarriage and going 'how's the bump then..' or something like that.

I know you want to share your exciting news but it will still be just as exciting for them when you tell them after the 12 weeks scan....

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