Can't handle talking to people

[dbg1]

I'm really struggling with speaking to people about what's going on with me and I'm not sure what to do.

I have struggled with telling people I'm pregnant. Everyone is so excited and I can't deal with everyone gushing all over me. I'm happy I'm pregnant, but hate telling others.

Recently those that I have told are annoying me even more. If I show any emotion they tell me "it's the hormones". Why is it the hormones and not how I feel.

My husband is supportive but he tries to reason with me all the time.

Am I being mean and weird? Thats how I feel.

How far gone are you?

In the first trimester I was so sick that anything to do with babies totally repelled me. Even the picture of a baby on an Evian bottle by the side of my bed was enough to make me feel angry and sick and I would have to turn it to face away from me!

I wasn't happy or excited in the first trimester and became very worried that that is how I would feel all the way through. Let me assure you it is not. I am now 24 weeks and am excited and happy about my pregnancy. It is so strange because this was a planned pregnancy but yet at about week 6, as the sickness kicked in, I wished so much that I could turn back time.

Even now, certain things that I bought or ate during those first 13 to 14 weeks repulse me because I associate them with that time. I also didn't want anyone cuddling me or making a fuss - I couldn't even stroke and pick up my cat and I absolutely adore my cat!

I didn't want to talk to anyone about it then either and my Mum sort of understood what I meant but people don't really get why you are not jumping for joy. Try not to worry because I think this phase will pass for you the way it did for me.

I find it all a bit weird so I don't think you're alone. If, like me, you're the kind of person who hates loads of attention then it can be really hard particularly when people start to notice and comment.

I managed to tell someone I was pregnant the other day without blushing for the first time ever so maybe it gets easier the further along you are, well it has for me anyway.

I felt exactly the same!!

I sort of got told off by my manager for not "announcing" to the whole team I was pregnant. I told her, and most of them knew because of facebook. I don't even work in the same office as them so just assumed news would get around without me having to do a big self indulgent (that's how it felt to me) "guess what everyone, I'm pregnant!" email.

Unfortunately, it only gets worse once you get bigger.

Thank you for your kind messages and making me feel normal! It's good to know I'm not alone and that things may change over time!

I wonder if anyone has any ideas on how to cope with this? Other than just avoiding everyone!

Thank you again.

dbg,

I was like you with PG#5. Tiredness aside, I was OK up until about 14 weeks when I started to show, and then I just didn't want to mention the pregnancy to anyone. I did not want to be fussed over, or for it to be the centre of any converstaion. I stopped going to my social groups, and only really bloomed when I had about 2 weeks to go.

I was perfectly happy to show off my baby, so everything went quickly back to normal.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I hate people gushing over me too. It's particularly rubbish if you are feeling rotten. Someone once told me I would miss it when the baby arrived and took the attention off me, I sincerely doubt that.

I think that what I didn't like is when people cock their heads, half close their eyes, and give you a concerned, "how are you?". Not wanting to discuss incontinence, heartburn, round ligament pain, I would just reply, "I'm well, how are you?" That would usually put an end to that, and we could move on to more interesting topics.

Thank you again for your help and advice. I feel a lot more normal.

I look forward to when it feels better. I will certainly try to divert the question back on the questioner!

Thanks again.

You know what I find annoying... whenever I post stuff on facebook (ie that I am tired or that I didn't sleep well or other stuff) I get loads of responses linking it to my being pregnant when really in he case of the sleep thing it's my DH's snoring. It seems like everyone assumes I am talking about being pregnant whatever it is tht I write.

I suppose I hve entered babydom and everyone assumes it's all I want to talk about.

oh this is soo familiar. i hatd telling people i was pregnant. i just didn't like the attention and the questions. questions that i had asked loads of pg women in the past but when it was me they all seemed like such a cliché. I remember telling a close friend in work, she agreed not to tellanyone but thought i should let my line manager know, so i did and he insisted on the gathereing the whole branch together for my announcement. i was blushing really badly. i just hated the whole thing.

Hi, I had (have) the same feelings. For me it's two aspects - I don't like being made a fuss of and I'm not at all maternal so find all the gushing and "you must be so excited"'s difficult to deal with because I don't (find it particularly exciting). I find it scary, nerve-wracking, worrying, overwhelming... At 28 weeks I'm starting to get used to the idea and be a bit more gracious for all the congratulations but the first few months were very difficult for me.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, it does get better eventually.

I am so glad that I'm not the only one who is struggling to tell people - and now that I seem to be developing a little bump I'd rather people thought I was eating too much than pregnant. It doesn't make any sense at all. Compared to many ladies who I've read about on mumsnet I've got away lightly with symptoms (so far), so I can't use that as an excuse. I too don't like being the centre of attention, and I really don't like everyone asking me how I am when before my wellbeing was never mentioned (esp the grandparents to be). I shall try the question diversion tactic next time - I like that idea, thank you!

I am almost 12 weeks with DC2 and am feeling very much like this. I am sure people don't think I am happy/excited, but I am. I'm not ready to expose my emotions to anyone as there is a lot gong on at the moment. I know that time will sort it all out and tbh it's nice to hear that I'm not abnormal.

Fenouille absolutely with you on the maternal feelings. Obviously I am very excited about becoming a mum but people keep thrusting their new-borns at me and talking about their kids as if I should be really interested. I am on an ante-natal thread here and love hearing about other people at the same stage as me and am able to get excited while posting on there but in every-day life I find it hard to get involved with the things other people seem to think I should do!

I must admit though, with the telling people thing, I am really glad that noone ever asked me if "it was planned", because every time my DP told anyone (and he did a lot of telling as he was very, very excited and is far more sociable and extroverted than me) they would ask him if it was an accident. How bloody rude is that? His response was usually to tell them I am a biology teacher, so he was pretty sure I knew how these things worked.

I cant handle talking to people and am not pregnant .... LOL

the first time anyone on mn knew i was pg with dd2 was when littlelapin posted to say that i'd been taken in for an emergency cs. many of my rl friends still didn't know...

i just don't like all the fuss and hopefulness when it's not yet 'a done deal', it seems to tempt fate for me. fortunately i didn't ever get big bumps so i don't get any questions.

DH doesn't really understand why I haven't said anything on FB and why I don't want to post a scan picture. I've told him that he can post it if he wants but I don't want to. I've said I'm happy to email the picture to people we don't see - such as my sister who lives abroad - but that I don't want to be public property.

I know what you all mean about the questions and the conversations. I've never been very baby-focused and have never gushed over other people's kids. So the assumption that this is ALL I want to talk about now is SO dull. Or that I have a huge list of symptoms that I'm going to want to share. And this thing about being the centre of attention is weird too - you are the centre of attention but in a way that is not related to you as the person you actually are at all. On a related note, when I first started to show I HATED going out. I'm a pretty private person (except for on Mumsnet!) and I just hated the thought that everyone who saw me would know I was up the duff. I felt so self-conscious. Even though I know that people in the street aren't that interested one way or the other. Am now 32 weeks and there's been NO mistaking what's going on for quite a few weeks now . Against all expectations, I'm feeling OK with how my body looks and that everyone can see I'm preggers.

Everyone seems to want to know about symptoms, they always seem stumped when I say I had no morning sickness

Dueling totally agree about mn, my ante-natal thread been very helpful in getting my feelings sorted out. LOL at your "Was it an accident?" Porcelain but the first friends we told asked if it was wanted! I did work on my enthusiasm in front of other people after that Actually we still haven't told everyone.

I too hate the assumption that I only want to talk babies but even worse are those people that insist on saying, "Hello you two," or, "How are you both?" Am I only an incubator now? At least my MIL has stopped rubbing the bump now every time she sees me.

to you too Dueling over symptoms, they always look rather disappointed don't they? "So you haven't been sick/got piles/insert-embarrassing-symptom-that-I-wouldn't-be-discussing-with-anyone-other-than-my-DH-and-my- doctor-anyway? Are you sure? Oh. Well, you'll probably be suffering in the heat later in the summer." Um, thanks?

Ah, it's great to hear I'm not the only one!
I guess I should sometime let my RL friends who I rarely see know. After all, baby is due in two weeks. But maybe I'll just wait and do a big birth announcement thing...
Thanks for starting this thread, I thought I was being weird for not shouting out to the world that I'm pregnant.

This sounds quite familiar to me too! I have hated the gushing and can't stand the attention. I am finishing work in a month and have already said I don't want the usual leaving "presentation" with colleagues. I think it does get easier but for a long time I would deliberately avoid talking about my pregnancy with people, even close friends and family, despite the fact that I was happy to be pregnant. Even though I knew she only meant well, it used to drive me mad that my mother would just constantly ask if I was well (like 8 times in one conversation) and if all was OK with the baby. I was longing to just talk about something other than pregnancy - anything!

And don't even get me started on the endless comments from people at work that I hardly know on whether they think I am big/small for dates/look like I'm having a boy/girl. Grrrr.

It is better now though or maybe I am just used to it! I think you kind of adjust as you go along.

Phew - thanks for all the responses! I feel relieved it's not just me...

I look forward to it all improving with time as it seems to! Glad I've not had an embarrassing boss story - that would be a nightmare.

I can understand the facebook worries as well. I think I'll come off that for the next few months.

Thanks again.

I'm with Cardomimginger - I've never been very baby focused and I find all the questions, unsolicited advice and stories that people want to share with me really irritating! It's not a problem amongst close friends - then it feels real and I can be myself and invariably the conversation shifts to other topics - but in bigger gatherings, amongst acquaintances or strangers, it's definitely a problem. (Or in the supermarket where a complete stranger leant over and commented on my toe nail polish, and how she was sure I shouldn't be wearing it when pregnant...!)

Last night I went to a 40th party and i can't count the number of people who talked 'baby' to me. Worse still, I'm totally sober. I find it challenging and it makes me want to hide. It doesn't mean I'm not happy about this pregnancy, because I am, but I have 24 hours a day to be consumed by all the changes currently going on inside me. I don't want to talk about them to everyone. Just my DP.

I think it's other people's problems and not yours. Be how you want to be and have the sort of pregnancy you want to have.