Keeping the bond with DP and my son (his step son) when DC2 arrives

[MrsFC]

Hi there,

I have already posted this in step parenting, but have had no response - I'm wondeing whether anyone here can help...

I would be really grateful for any tips or advice from anyone who has already been through this. I'm sure it's not that unusual!

I currently live with DS1 from a previous relationship and DP. We are a generally very happy ship. DS is secure with us both, I'm the disciplinarian & DP is always the good cop.

I'm now pregnant with DC2. DS1 is pleased. I think he's been an only for such a long time & he gets lonely. I've really talked it through with him & he is totally on board. The first thing he said to DP was 'you'll be a Daddy too now MrFC!'. Which was lovely.

But he is not a silly child and I'm pretty sure he will have concerns about his relationship with DP, and that he will get pushed aside.

DP is an incredibly fair and just man. There is absolutely no way it would show that he thought any more of one than the other. But we have talked about it and he is concerned that he will feel more for the new baby than he will for his DSS.

Do any of you wise MNers have any practical suggestions for us to help everyone feel more secure?

No advice for you but will be watching any replies with interest as am in the same situation myself except that I am the stepmum to a 6 yr old DSS.
I can't imagine what it will be like and am absolutely in love with my DSS but I do recognise, much like your DP, that there is likely to be a difference in how I feel about my DD, when she gets here in Nov, to how I feel about my DSS.

Make extra time for your older child, especially for your DP to have quality time (hateful phrase!) with him. If you make a point of making time for him from both of you, he probably won't even notice a difference in attention, especially if you explain that the baby needs extra attention at first as it's so little, just as he (older child) did when little, but that when the baby is older, they'll be able to play together.

Thanks jap. That is what I was thinking too. I've suggested to DP that he & my DS have a day just with the two of them. When he goes to his Dad's he has to deal with his step brother & he always seems to feel left out & i'm anxious this doesn't happen at home.

I think quality time is the way forward.