How do I help my DP get through his worries?

[Chelle1986]

I am 32+1 with DS1 and we have been together for 6 yrs, living together for 5. He is the best other half you could ask for and would do anything for me. He tells me he loves me a billion times a day and I love him more than anything in this world.

The last couple of weeks he has been suffering with 'worry induced' gastritis. He says he can't stop worrying about how things will change, will he be a good dad, what will happen if we split up, do we love eachother enough etc etc. He is a big worrier anyway - but am really worried about him. He's hardly eating anything and keeps crying and feels really bad about how he is feeling.

Does anyone else have any experience of this kind of thing? I am 24, he is 27.

Any advice appreciated, I don't want my worry over him to affect the baby. xxx

He really needs to get help for the depression & anxiety. It's tougher for men sometimes to admit they need help, but it can make a huge difference. My DH finally admitted he needed help with his depression last year and since he got on anti-depressants it's been amazingly good. We just both wish he'd gone and asked for them years ago! No way would he be coping with me being pregnant without them.

He needs to go and speak to the doctor, these levels of anxiety aren't normal.

Best of luck.

I would also suggest he talk to his GP. If he has been diagnosed with 'worry-induced' gastritis, that suggests he has already seen a doctor? Perhaps he could now make a follow-up appointment to talk to his GP about the source of the worry?

Also, do you have any male friends with children whom he could talk to? His worries are fairly common, and talking to a friend might help put his mind at rest. In a similar vein, a book about fatherhood might help - there are quite a few available that are aimed at new dads and cover some of the things he is worried about.

Finally, I think you should just keep telling him what you've put in the first paragraph of your post - you love him, he loves you, you've been together for years (and probably weathered a few storms in that time) - you think he's a great DP and will be a great dad. It sounds as though he needs reassurance and help with building his confidence.

Perhaps you could also encourage him to talk about his worries in more detail. Some issues are practical ones that you can deal with in advance. So, you could sit down together and talk about how things will change after the baby, and how you will cope with the changes. It's perfectly normal to be worried about that. But some of his fears sound as though they are spiralling out of this rational fear into an irrational one (i.e. that you might break up), and if you talk it through calmly, you might be able to help him see that it is irrational.

Finally, you need to protect yourself during all of this - I don't think the worry will hurt the baby, but pregnancy is a stressful time, and you need someone to lean on, too - at the moment it sounds as though you can't lean on your DP as much as you might like, because of his fears. So you need someone to talk to as well, if you feel stressed or anxious.

Sorry for the very long post! I'm sure your DP will be just fine when the baby comes and it sounds as though you are a lovely and supportive DP yourself .