Just watched the Best Beginning breast feeding DVD and feel very upset and rubbish

[cardamomginger]

I have just watched the Best Beginnings DVD all about breast feeding, why breast feeding gives your baby the best start in life and how to prevent/overcome some of the common challenges breast feeding mothers face. I burst into tears during it and am feeling really rubbish and emotional. Not that it takes much to get me to cry right now... Due to surgery to remove what fortunately turned out to be a benign breast lump I do not have any milk ducts on the left side. So feeding from the left breast is impossible. I also have some benign breast disease on the right side that may make feeding from this side extremely difficult. With no second breast to back things up, it is very likely that I will be looking at FF. I am determined to get the colostrum into my baby, come hell or high water. Yet the DVD says that your new born needs 8ml per feed, and goes on to say that this is fine because each breast will make 5ml. Well great - I only have one breast that stands a cat in hells chance of working, so where does that leave me? I love my little baby so very much and I only want to do the best and give him/her the very best that I can. I agree with all the positive stuff about breast feeding. And I just feel so rubbish right and that I am a complete failure and he/she's not even here yet .

You're not a failure
I don't know where the 5ml and 8ml figures come from, and I'm sure someone more knowledgable than me will be along soon.

But if you can even give your LO just a TINY amount of colostrum or milk, you will have done amazingly, amazingly well given your circumstances.

And just because you may not be able to produce huge amounts of milk (and you won't know until try, surely), you will still be offering your little one the comfort of your arms & hey, even just suckling for comfort would be lovely for you both.

I'm rubbish at this, but just didn't want to read and run as you sound so unhappy.

Thank you puffy.

Sorry you feel rubbish.

'Best beginnings' is an awful title and I think the dvd should be banned on that alone.

The figures they give about the baby needing 8ml per feed and one breast only producing 5ml is just nonsense - the amount of milk the baby needs varies from baby to baby and the amount of milk produced varies from woman to woman.

Many women successfully bf with just one breast, or successfully bf twins or triplets. I have no idea if it will be possible for you as well, but I recommend you contact one of the breastfeeding organisations and get as much help and advice as possible, especially when your baby is born.

And please remember, you will be a good mother and this baby will be yours to love whether you breastfeed or not. You are certainly not a failure if you cannot breastfeed.

cardamom. Do you know what's even better than breast milk? Having a mummy who's alive, well and happy.

Well done for going for breast surgery - imagine having to look after a baby with all that going on. Thank goodness the lumps are benign.

Now, chuck out that DVD, stop torturing yourself about stuff you have no control over, and let yourself get excited about meeting your wonderful new baby.

oh cardamom

I have to ask... if you think you'll have to FF, why did you put yourself through watching it?

just give BF a go. you never know, it may work better than you think, but don't beat yourself if it doesn't. baby is likely to get some colostrum from the right side, and every millilitre is great so it's still good even if you top-up with FF. you are not failing your baby, it is not your fault!

nobody can do everything 'perfectly' as a parent. you will still be a fabulous mum and you clearly love your baby so much already.

see if you can talk to a breastfeeding counsellor and explain the situation as you have here. they may have specific advice, e.g. you may need to express in the last few weeks of pregnancy or something.

please don't feel bad. your baby has a loving mother and that is the most important thing.

Oh I am so sorry that you feel this way.

I know that it is possible to feed from one breast only, and even if you have trouble with that side due to your medical condition you will be able to give your baby some breastmilk.

I feel the same way about breastfeeding as you do, but I did not manage to exclusively feed DS (due to bad advice I think). He had some breastmilk and some formula. He is fine. As are completely formula fed babies. I know that it doesn't always help to hear that, but it is true!

I think lining up some expert help like a lactation consultant before the birth will be a good idea, someone you can trust and who will give you consistent and good advice.

Also keep posting here. It is an invaluable place to gain expert advice imo. Best of luck.

Oh cardamom, you're pregnant and hormonal - your emotions are so vulnerable right now. No wonder you were overwhelmed and upset by the DVD.

Babies can feed quite adequately from one breast only. Plenty of mothers only ever feed on one side, and that's what happens with twins after all.

There's always a way around things. However much bm you give your baby will be a good thing, whether it's colostrum for 24h, mixed breast and formula feeding, or fully bfing.

I think you need to put that DVD away now, and not give it permission to upset you. Contact the bfing charities (nos are listed on MN) and discuss your situation with a breastfeeding counsellor or supporter. Perhaps go to some workshops or support groups. Get good, first-hand information and support tailored to your needs. Also being familiar with the available support, and knowing the people involved, makes it much easier accessing the support when the time comes.

You are so not rubbish. You are doing your best to prepare the best for your LO in challenging circumstances.

Now I don't know how the benign breast disease may or may not affect how well you can feed from that side, but if that goes ok I can reassure you that both my girls refused from day one to feed from my left side. They were both b/f exclusively for six months, and then continued to b/f 'til they were over 2yrs after that. To be honest it didn't occur to me that one sided would be a problem so I was very relaxed about it and wasn't aware of any 5ml/8ml figures which is probably just as well as they both did just fine.

You are not allowed to feel crap.

I find it very odd when advice is given that says you have to get a certain amount of colostrum or milk into your baby. If you are breastfeeding you don't have a clue what the baby is getting. You have reasons to think that your functioning breast might not produce loads, but I bet there are women out there who have no clue that their breast isn't producing the requisite 5mls or whatever and they never find out because their baby thrives regardless.

It's lovely that you want to make sure your baby gets colostrum at least.
But here's the thing: if you can't, it's ok. Your baby will be fine. We are lucky to live in a time when baby formula is widely available and when we know about sterilising etc.

Please don't let this make you feel bad about your abilities as a mother. It is one tiny thing out of years and years and years.

Thanks so much everyone. Just had another good cry and feel a bit better. I have NO IDEA why I watched the DVD.... Maybe a bit of masochism about needing to beat myself up about it all? Who knows? Anyway, won't be watching it again. Will get in touch with a lactation consultant. Very good idea about the possibility of expressing in the last few weeks - definitely need to look into that. Really appreciate everyone's input, advice and support.

You go, girl! Have a great pregnancy, and congratulations in advance!

Thanks Speedy . Congratulations to all of you as well!

Have you thought about calling the NCT breastfeeding line to ask what they think, either now or at the time?

www.nct.org.uk/info-centre/getting-help/helplines

I just want to encourage you as well. If you breastfeed, that is great. If you formula feed, either completely or in part, that is fine too. We are blessed to live in a country with good quality formula and clean water if that's what happens. Giving your baby the best start in life is a lot more complicated than just the BF v FF debate!

Just wantd to echo everyone's comments so far.
On a lighter note, you'll soon feel like you're failing in many ways, so you might as well start now.

I only bf for 3 weeks as it just wasn't working out. My ds is 5.5 now, is extremely bright and is almost never unwell, so I am now not convinced about the benefits of bf'ing now. But thats just my experience.

Also, sometimes things just don't go to plan with a newborn. Try not to be too upset about what you might not be able to do, just play it by ear and give it a try

Best of luck.

oh never mind the bloody buggery DVD. Just do your best and that will be fine. Formula, if that's what you end up using, is perfectly alright. And from what others have said, feeding from one only is doable.

Do have a look here

It's not really possible to judge how much breastfeeding is affected by surgery until you give it a go. There are some good tips there about using a supplemental feeding system rather than a bottle too.

You are absolutely not a failure. Breastfeeding like birth is a hand of cards. You've had a pretty bad deal and that's not your fault but you may have more of a chance at breastfeeding than you think. Whatever you end up doing, you'll know you're doing the absolute best you can for your baby.

(soppy post warning)

When ds1 was born, bf just didn't seem to happen. No matter what I tried I could not get him to bf. As a result, I didn't have enough milk, and we quickly went on a downward spiral. I had to top him up with formula, which I hated doing. He was on the breast all day every day, and wouldn't put on weight (there was an underlying medical condition, but we didn't know that at the time as every hcp we saw insisted it was a failure of bf).

I was incredibly distressed, and one day my dh sat me down and said 'The most important thing you can feed your baby is love with every sip. I don't care what that sip is of, I'll support you in whatever you choose, but I want you to remember that that's the most important thing.'

And frankly, he was right. We did in the end manage to sort out the bf and I carried on feeding until he was over 2, but that 'love with every sip' was definitely the most important thing I fed him.

By all means do everything you can to bf (I and others on here who have been through the struggle to get our milk supply established/re-established will be more than happy to give advice and support through that process) but don't lose track of the real 'best beginning' you will be giving your baby.

Thanks again guys - you are all fab!
Mrs G - will add NCT to the list of people to contact!
vmc - thanks for making me laugh about it!
carmen - thanks for the link. But surgeon confirms that all milk ducts were removed - the lump was in a duct and in theatre it wasn't possible to isolate the particular duct it was in.

cardamom.... i will say one word

TWINS!

babies can feed very adequately from one breast. people have successfully breastfed twins/triplets... and more for years! there was a lady on oprah who was breastmilk feeding her sextuplets!

the more your baby feeds the more milk you will make

obviously i amj not a medical person, so i odn't know the full implications of your situation and it may be that you do need to supplement with formula
but every bit of breastmilk counts and i think that given what you've been through you're doing great to even be thinking about breasxtfeeding!

i really hope it all goes well for you.
when is your baby due?

Cardamom Don't beat yourself up about something you have no control over. You have no milk ducts in one breast due to a surgery to save your life. It's not like you have sat there and decided you will never feed your baby breastmilk. Your remaining breast may be capable of producing enough milk, I have heard of a few mums who only fed from one side, plus if you get into an expressing routine you could easily meet demand.
Go into it with the attitude I will breastfeed as much as I can. If you manage a few days then great, if you manage a few months even better. Try and be as relaxed and open minded about it as possible.

Good luck

There is no simple answer and breast feeding is not always a simply choice no matter how hard you try. Even without your medical history, sometimes for no good reason, things do not go as planned.

You could try more milk plus with goats rue to increase your supply, drink fennel and fennugreek tea and avoid peppermint and caffeine.

I love the "feed your baby with love" line. Stick it up in every room in your house!! In fact, get a t-shirt or a badge!!

I only ever feed from my left side, and DS2 has been exclusively breastfed. You never know, it might work out for you.

I never really got the hang of it with DS1 and he mix fed a combination of formula and breastmilk until he was 2.9 months.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. If you want to breastfeed, seek some professional advice from the NCT or the LLL.

Good luck!

Hi Cardamom. I have had surgery to remove a breast lump too, though no problems like damage to milk ducts. I have had issues with feeding from that side with both my children (born 2 and 6 years after the op). It hurt much, much more than from the other side, because the breast was creasing along the scar while the baby sucked. You'd think so many years later it shouldn't hurt, but there you go. That side also didn't seem to work as well as the other, I don't know why, but I felt my babies sucked harder with the normal side. Every breastfeed I've ever given I've started from the operated side to get that working well, but still the other side produced more milk and was even quite visibly bigger .

With a lot of difficulty I suceeded in bfing my eldest, the problems just went away after awhile . No hurting at all but the preference/supply issue was always there. I had my second baby in the UK and the HV and a bf counsellor straightaway advised me to stop using the operated side and feed from only one (knowing that I've bfed another baby). I had the support of my mother though, and I persisted and managed to succesfully bf the second one too. I actually bfed them both till they self-weaned, the eldest at 18 months and the second at 23 months .

So what my long post is meant to say is, you might still be able to bf. Just give it a chance, and be prepared to persist if you feel like it. There's nothing to be lost by trying. If it doesn't work it doesn't matter, you sound like you are full of love for your baby anyway - so you will be giving him/her the best start no matter how you feed!