Does anyone else have a problem with this?

[rimsky]

Recently I've seen a few midwives due to holidays, ante-natal courses etc, and does anyone find the midwives who have actually had children a lot more useful and sympathetic?

The midwife who I mostly deal with has had children, and her bedside manner is fantastic, and I find I can get an honest response from her to any question I have to ask.

But when I have had to see other midwives (who I know haven't had children) I find it really difficult, and they don't manage to allay any concerns I have (which I know is partly down to me). But if I wanted a text-book answer I could look it up myself! Being told that breast-feeding is "easy" by someone who obviously has never done it is slightly annoying...

As a first-time mum I would much prefer to deal with someone who has actually been through it before. I've just realised that this is a hormonal rant but I am interested to hear what other people think!

I have to confess I have felt like this on occassion, to the extent that I won't read a certain breastfeeding book because it's written by a man! But then again, Jo Frost doesn't have any children, and she seems to have a better perspective than most of the parents she deals with, so perhaps I'm being judgemental..?

I feel like that too. When I was in labour with DS, I am led to believe that I shouted at told the male obs to "Fuck off and get a melon hoovered out his arse!"
FWIW it was a drug-free ventouse delivery as my DS had got stuck half way out - he is still a PITA though
I think that women who have experienced pregnancy and birth for themselves are more sympathetic because they realise that, although stuff may be normal and nothing to worry about, mums will worry and need constructive reassurance

should clarify - obs told me it didn't hurt and to stop moaning!! MWs gave him face and almost peed themselves laughing when I told him otherwise. Also, DS is PITA, not obs

when i was in labour with ds i had a fully trained midwife and a student midwife. neither had children.

Both were amazing!!! So no, I don't feel that I need someone who has been through it!

All pregnancies and births are so different anyway. Wouldn't it annoy you just as much to be told breastfeeding is easy by someone who has done it?

Concerning Angel's point - I think doctors and midwives are different as midwives tend to see all sorts of births wheras doctors tend to only come in for certain circumstances and normally when there is a lot of pain relief around!

In my case, it's different in that I've seen 2 MWs, the first one of which had kids herself but was useless, the second one of which hasn't got kids but has made time to go through my questions and never makes me feel silly for worrying about something.

So far with my TTC journey I've found doctors on the whole to be a bit useless. Either because of complete lack of sympathy with I was miscarrying last year, or through not knowing pretty basic stuff.

I'd agree with OP. I've found this with HVs as well - the ones without children generally had very little idea sometimes of what you can be dealing with!

I had the opposite wth my HVs - the Mum just wanted to tell me how I should do it because it worked for her. The non-Mum was much more willing to accept there might be different ways of doing things!!

It all comes down to individuals at the end of the day. Can't say I ever ask outright if someone has kids - just like i wouldn't ask the cancer specialist if he's had cancer. They are professionals and should behave as such!

Good point Digger

IME all doctors have been pretty useless - classic example was during my last pregnancy (I was planning a homebirth) MW sent me to the Doc to pick up a prescription for pethidine. Doctor asked me how much I would need.....now how the heck am I supposed to know that .

HV varied - a cantankerous old witch was the worst....lectured me on eating properly & saying I was underfeeding my baby (she was on 9th centile). I knew I had a healthly, lively, contented baby who was just a bit dinky (but not teeny tiny) so I stopped going. I now have a 21 month toddler, full of life, eats for England & is still dinky.

As for MW - of the ones I came across during my pregnancy they were all fabulous! I did have a MW acquaintance who said she got offended at un-tended lady-gardens & thought this quite funny pre-baby (she hasn't had a baby).....if I heard her say it now I'd happily punch her lights out put her right