Anyone else have fears of autism?

[Sonny40]

I don't mean to offend anyone with voicing my fears, and I apologise if I am. I'm pregnant with my first child. I'm forty. I know that I could worry about a lot of things, and at 18 weeks there's certainly a lot to worry about ahead but I have a real fear of having a child on an autistic spectrum and not being able to cope.

There's no reason for me to think this will happen and I know it's irrational. I don't know why i zone in on autism. It just really scares me. I manage to get my mind to a place where I'm convinced it will happen.

But do other mums to be have these sorts of worrying thoughts? If so, how do you contain them?

I am currently 14+3 weeks pregnant with my fourth dc. And despite coping daily with 2 of my dc that ARE on the autistic spectrum (and have other health problems as well), I am petrified of this baby being autistic too. My 12yo DD is autistic, my 8yo son is NT, and my 6.5yo is also autistic. But I wouldn't be without them. Their autism is just one facet to them, it's not their whole being, and I love them heart and soul, quirks and all! I get through each day, I cope, yet I am still petrified of the possibility of having another child with autism, and if I'd be able to cope....even though logic dictates that if I can cope with 2 dc with autism, a 3rd one wouldn't break me....Good luck, and it IS perfectly normal to worry about things like this while pg, it's the hormones.

Again, thanks all. I want to stress, because I really don't want to offend - especially LifeofRiley who thought I was being insensitive - that I realise it's just a hook for anxiety. I've met some wonderful autistic children. And just like I may peel back the anxiety over autism, something else will be behind it - I've had terrible panics of toxoplasmosis and listeria. It's irrational, and I know it, and I'm deeply ashamed that I'm not doing better containing my anxieties. I'm trying. And thanks very much for taking the time to speak to me.

I work in a school 1:1 with a child with ASD. He is lovely and a pleasure to work with, please enjoy ur pregnancy and not worry about 'what if's' xx

I was paranoid all the way through my pregnancy about something - for the first 16 weeks it was miscarriage (my mum had several and I had one three years ago), weeks 16-20 it was "What if they find something wrong on the scan?" (a friend of mine had just had her baby diagnosed with T18 in utero), 20-25 I did my panicking about problems that wouldn't show up on a scan - like autism -, 25-30 I worried about coping in general, and was constantly paranoid about what I was eating and drinking and breathing , 30-34 I was concerned about the birth because I had SPD and I was convinced this would mean there were problems (it didn't in the end), 34-36 I worried because I was measuring small. Finally I was terrified of stillbirth because of my mums loss of my sister.

Oh, and I panicked about premature labour.

And then about being over due.

My point is that its very easy to worry about everything. Pregnancy is a scary but lovely time, and if you spend every moment worrying you don't enjoy it.

If there is a problem (God forbid), you will cope. If there isn't, you will cope.

Congrats on your pregnancy, please enjoy it

Very sensible posts on this thread so I don't feel the need to repeat the advice given here. Just want to add that worrying wont change the outcome. Chances are you will have a healthy, neuro-typical baby and then you might regret spending your pregnancy worrying. Pregnancy is a special time (I'm currently 34 weeks myself) so try to enjoy it and use the time to plan & look forward to your baby rather than fretting. Good luck with the birth!

There'snothing you can do about ASD; trust me on this, ds4 has two ASD siblimngs and I knew he ahd a stonnkingly high riak of ASD (as in, almost certainly really) and I had to live with that (he doesn't seem to have it though)so tried everything I could think of.

Now there were certian things as a high risk Mum I could do to minimise chances post birth (antenatally it's just looking after yourself and making sure you see a MW for check ups) but I don't think any of those would relate to you: maybe try and BF if you can, if not don't fret asn no links AFAIK (and I do read a lot on it all), and avoid anything youa re allergic to when weaning.

Otherwise- nah.

And as Gigantasaur said you would cope anyweay. My first job was with people with an LD and I had soemone with an ASD who took a real dislike to me and hurt me often so i ahd a few reasons to have a bit of a mental block yet I cope and it' fine. It's not a child with ASD you get given, but your baby who might happen to have..

And stats wise your risk is something like 1%, lower if not genetic links (to make up for thsoe of us who do have the genetics)

I worried about autism when pg with dd1. Even when I had a worrying 20 week scan and was warned I was at high risk of all sorts of other things (including Edwards syndrome) it was autism I worried about.

Now I'm adopting dd2 and I can't tell you the fears that torment me.

It's part of motherhood, I'm afraid. The worry never stops. But the consolations do kick in.

Try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy. You'll be fine!

My 4 yr old son has been at Duntarvie Education Assessment Center. He is on the waiting list to be seen by the Austism Assessment Team, which is some months away. We have been advised that he should have an extra year in nursery. His speech and language are very delayed now, and his social and interactive behaviours considered 'inappropriate'. Mothering my little boy has become slightly lonely as I can't take him to parties, or the same acitivity groups as often or for as long. There are days where I think he just needs more time, and there are days when my heart breaks with worry about his future. I am new to this site, just signed up and thought I would start here.

Hello Bryson, first of all, welcome to Mumsnet. [smile}. This is an old thread, it would be better to start your own in the special needs area, or just have a read through some of the threads there. You will find great support there.

Welcome to mumsnet, Bryson. :)

I have two children with autism. There are more of us over on the Special Needs board.

As this is an old thread you might find that people either don't see it, or they'll reply to the first post without seeing yours at the end.