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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

My baby has Downs Syndrome

64 replies

jools70 · 19/07/2010 19:59

Just found out this afternoon that our baby has downs we are devastated, do not know what to say. One min I am ok the next crying my eyes out.

We had IVF at 39 we were expecting twins then we lost one at 9 weeks now have this as a second blow.

I desperately want a baby but I am so torn

OP posts:

BibiThree · 19/07/2010 20:02

You will still have your baby, it will just be harder in some ways, but no baby is a breeze. I can't offer more than sympathy and some hugs, as I haven't been in your position, but try to look at the positives ...
I'm sure you will have lots of mners come along v soon with much more helpful advice than me, but I am thinking of you and hope you stop crying soon

nigglewiggle · 19/07/2010 20:03

I don't have any experience of this, but I just wanted to say that there is fantastic knowledge and support on here and I hope you find the right path for you.

Original poster

jools70 · 19/07/2010 20:05

I'm afraid I am thinking of having a termination.

Please ladies do not hate me

OP posts:

Ohforfoxsake · 19/07/2010 20:05

I just came to say what nigglewiggle said. There's a wealth of support on here. Wonderful people who will stay with you through it all, and make you realise that it is all going to be OK.

They'll be along soon.

mankymummymoo · 19/07/2010 20:07

No one will hate you. Only you know how you feel and your circumstances.

How much information do you have on downs?

Is there anyone in real life you can talk to?

GazzasDressingGown · 19/07/2010 20:07

hello

so sorry you are going through this.

have you seen the antenatal tests and choices topic on mn?This may be worth looking at

also the special needs children board.

I have a special needs child myself (not with Down's syndrome,but i do know a lot of lovely DS children who are leading very happy lives)

it isn't easy but it isn't the worst thing in the world either,(though it feels like it when you are first told your child is different)

I can't advise you on what to do but hope that looking at both of these topics may guide you into making the correct decision for you

Very big hug.Take care

Original poster

jools70 · 19/07/2010 20:08

I feel terrible now for saying that I want to get rid of the baby, I know that every baby is beautiful, but I don't think we could cope.
There are so many things going around in my head at the moment, the scans are so perfect, the blood test and the amnio were the results that changed eveything.

OP posts:

Ohforfoxsake · 19/07/2010 20:08

Jools, if that is what you decide, then you will be making the right decision for you.

But you are on here, asking for advice, and there are people who will tell you about their children, their families and what their life is like. You'll be able to make an informed decision, and that is important.

Take care x

saintlydamemrsturnip · 19/07/2010 20:08

If you want to ask questions in the special needs section you would be welcomed. There are some mums on there who found out their babies were likely to have DS during pregnancy as well as others who found out after birth. How many weeks are you?

There's also the down syndrome association who I know have been helpful for some.

BibiThree · 19/07/2010 20:09

Jools, how far along are you? You need to get as much information as you think you can handle, and then some more. MN is a fantastic place to start. No one on here will hate you and if they do, it's not the end of the world.
Just hang on, we'll keep bumping and you'll get a lot more support and advice okay?

BrownPaperandString · 19/07/2010 20:10

What are you worried about? Have you posted in special needs?

I know a few people with Downs Syndrome and they are fantastic company, without exception.

BrownPaperandString · 19/07/2010 20:11

ooh sorry I didn't mean for my post to sound so blunt x

autodidact · 19/07/2010 20:11

I'm so very very sorry you are going through this, Jools. How awful. I certainly don't hate you. Many people have terminations in your position and only you and your partner can decide what the right thing is for you to do. There was a lovely poster on here called Rosy quite a few years ago who had a termination because her baby had Downs. Might be worth doing a search on her name, maybe. Many good wishes whatever you decide. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Habbibu · 19/07/2010 20:12

Don't decide anything just now - you need to give yourself time to absorb the news, and to try to think clearly. The picture you had of the baby you thought you would have has gone, and you need to get to grips with that first, and then maybe try to find out a bit more about DS. Have you spoken to ARC - Antenatal Results and Choices? They can be very helpful.

chicaguapa · 19/07/2010 20:12

Just to say that my DSM had a high result from her amnio but they pressed ahead, and Dbro was born fine. It turned out that DSM had started her menopause early and it had skewed the test. So maybe get a second opinion?

Bonsaibab · 19/07/2010 20:14

I am so sorry that it has been so hard for you to have a baby and I am so sorry hat even when you have finally concieved that it has been so difficult.

You will love your baby even though she/he has downs. Until you have a child you really cannot understand how much they enrich your lives. I have worked with many adults who have downs and they are truly amazing people with so much love to give.

If I were pregnant and found out I had a downs baby then I would really struggle to make a decision. It is down to you.

I wish someone could make it easier for you but actually the more people you ask the more complicated the decision will become.

bigstripeytiger · 19/07/2010 20:14

No-one should judge you on this. Do you feel like you have enough information to make a decision?

chicaguapa - do you mean amnio?

LouM10 · 19/07/2010 20:16

I have no experience on this, but all I can say, is I'm sure a lot of people feel like you do, and go on to give birth to a beautiful baby who they adore.
Only you know how you feel, and what is right for you, but maybe try this website www.downs-syndrome.org.uk/information/being-pregnant.html

for some information. The more you know, the better and possibly easier it might be for you. As nigglewiggle says, you can get plenty of support on here.

I don't really know what to say, but I'm thinking of you and good luck with your decision. I'm sure if you decide to have your baby, it will be the most beautiful child you will have seen. x

zapostrophe · 19/07/2010 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DuelingFanjo · 19/07/2010 20:17

jools I am so sorry to hear this news.

I had the Amnio and had my baby had downs syndrome I would have chosen to terminate too.

I think that you will find a lot of support from people who have made this decision in the ante-natal testing part of mumsnet.

When I was going through the testing I spoke to a friend of mine who also tested and who works in a special needs school. She told me that I had to make my own decision based upon what I felt I could cope with in my own life and that any other person's opinion was neither valid nor worth worrying about. Please do not allow other people who do not know your own personal circumstances try to blame or judge you for what is a very very personal decision. Other people should not expect you to walk in their shoes as the decisions they have made for themselves are entirely separate from the decision you will make.

I wish I could say more to help you during what must be an awful awful time, particularly after what you have been through to get pregnant. Am thinking of you and hope that you will be able to make a decision which is right for you and that you get the support you need from people who understand rather than any kind of judgement from other people whos opinion really does not matter.

chicaguapa · 19/07/2010 20:17

I don't know what I mean really. It was 17 years ago and I didn't really understand it at the time. I just remember that they thought their DS was going to have Downs and it was the menopause that caused the error in the result. I saw that the OP was 39 when she conceived and it made me think of it.

bathbuns · 19/07/2010 20:23

You have to do what is right for you.

But if you can face it, there is a blog written by a mother whose younger daughter has DS. It's very American and can be a bit sugary sweet, but overall it is a very reassuring description of life with a baby with DS. And her daughter on there is completely gorgeous. If you have already made decision to terminate it might be hard looking, but if you haven't made up your mind then it also might hugely reassure you.

I really wish you and your dp well.

ladyjadey · 19/07/2010 20:24

whatever you decide is ok, no one will think any worse of you if you decide to have a termination. it's a huge decision to have to make, take your time, do all the research you need and try and make sure you are as well informed as possible. only you know how you feel, what you can cope with. My heart goes out to you, it really does.

Original poster

jools70 · 19/07/2010 20:24

Ladies thank you I shall take a look at the other topics, I understand there are various degrees of DS and I know these children are beautiful it's just a real shock

OP posts:

AbiAbi · 19/07/2010 20:25

Hi Jools, I posted on your first thread, and I was hoping this post wasn't by you

I'm so sorry you have been given this result. What I would say is DEFINITELY head over to the antenatal testing and choices board- the ladies there have been in your shoes and made the decision either way; there'll be no judgement, I promise you.

You don't have to make a decision tonight, take some time out. How is your DP handling it?

Make sure you eat something too, and have a bath.

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