Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

so cross!

22 replies

flower24 · 16/07/2010 19:30

Hi there,
THis is the first time iv posted and affraid its not a happy one.
Im a teacher in a catholic primary school and am almost 20weeks pg. The 'problem' is im not married yet- will be on 30th- two weeks today! EXCITED
iv been off work for 5 weeks due to hyperemesis and just found out my boss has been keeping the baby a secret and refuses to tell parents/children as my baby is a problem in a catholic school. Wants me to keep quiet until i go back in sept as il be married then. THe thing is parents in the playground are now gossiping and spreading romours iv had a breakdown. I just want to share my joy with everyone and hes making out iv done something shameful. rather than sending out a message that all babies are gifts no matter the circumstances in which they were concieved hes saying its something to be denied and kept secret. He even said I could have been sacked for being pregnant!!!i know its a sensitive point in the catholic faith and id still teach the children about the sanctity of marriage- but also show them that when things dont happen exactualy as planned- when someone strays from Bible teaching - the church is there to support them. His'catholic' values are making me feel very sad. I dont want to work for people who see my baby as a problem but also dont want to let his idiotic ideas do me out of the maternity benefits iv worked for.
So annoyed.
Sorry for the rant.
xxx

OP posts:
sotough · 16/07/2010 19:37

wow- quite shocked by this. i'm sure there's no way you could have been sacked for being pregnant out of wedlock. even in a faith school. this is 2010, FGS! would it be possible to arrange another meeting with him, in which (now you've recovered from the shock of his comments) you tell him firmly all the things you've said in your post here? if you can't face talking to him, is there a deputy head or next in line you could have the conversation with?

Littlefish · 16/07/2010 19:39

Are you in a state primary?

Is there anything in your contract about this (as opposed to the normal teacher terms and conditions, which obviously say nothing)?

I would speak to your union.

moonstorm · 16/07/2010 19:41

I very much doubt you could be sacked. Is there any way you could let the 'cat out of teh bag' and let someone know so the news could spread?! I would be fuming too!

muddleduck · 16/07/2010 19:42

stick a cushion down your front and go in all smiles... "don't be daft - I can't keep this a secret"

or just make sure that enough of the mums find out as soon as possible so it becomes impractical to keep it a secret.

enjoy your bump

firsttimer78 · 16/07/2010 19:59

I agree with littlefish - would take advice from my union if it was me. Am almost certain you couldn't be sacked for it, but they would be able to keep you right. And I'm not surprised you needed to rant - I'm cross on your behalf!

Congratulations on your pregnancy and wedding - how exciting!

Original poster
flower24 · 16/07/2010 20:02

It is a state school but voluntry aided by the church. My contract does say about 'maintaining the catholic character of the school' but where in catholic doctrine does it say 'if things get tricky keep it a secret' or 'make young pregnant women feel like shit.'??? It also doesnt say 'you must be perfect' - when things happen they should be there offering support-not judgement. Hes giving the religeon a bad name.
Think i might write it all in a letter and maybe sent to governers. just can do without the stress.
Pleased by ppls reactions- knew i wasnt being ott.
thanx xxx

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 16/07/2010 20:07

on one hand i can see how it isn;'t "in keeping with the catholic character" if it's generally pretty frowned-on by catholics?

BUT, and it's a big but.... people ARE going to know you were pregnant before you got married, unless he is suggesting you lie when the baby is born and claim it's premature

clearly you can't be sacked for being pregnant, but to keep the peace I would probably jsut not mention it to anyone
there is only one week left of term anyway isn't there?

Littlefish · 16/07/2010 20:19

I really think you need to speak to your union before you go to the Governors.

Although thisisyesterday is right, and there is only one more week until the end of term, it is absolutely unacceptable for anyone to be threatened in this way.

nancydrewrocks · 16/07/2010 20:29

This is absolutely disgusting - he has absolutely no reason to treat you like this legally or morally.

if you want more practical advice it might be an idea to post on the employment board.

LauraKB · 16/07/2010 21:13

I would also be suprised if the majority if the parents would be bothered whether you were married or not, ESPECIALLY seeing as you were getting married anyway (unless you've done some very quick planning ).

I'm almost certain under the Sex Discrimination Act you couldn't be sacked for being pregnant full stop irrespective of whether you were married or not.

As much as it grieves me to say it, this is yesterday is possibly right, you might want to just go along with it to keep the peace and decide its not worth the hassle. You shouldn't have to do this as your boss is totally in the wrong but it might be easier in the long run.

I'm suprised you can keep it a secret at 20 weeks though! No amount of baggy clothes would have convinced anyone when I was 20 weeks

Rafwife · 16/07/2010 21:39

Wow it's 2010! I don't know if there are differing rules for teachers in faith schools, even so there is a thing called employment law which can't be ignored.

I'd just leave it for the week tbh as it's nearly summer term the old wives will find someone else to gossip about soon enough!

Palace39 · 16/07/2010 22:03

I'm totally gobsmacked by this. No matter what the faith, the school is your 'employer', and as such has a responsibility to treat you in a certain manner, particularly in pregnancy.

I would speak to ACAS or citizens advice if i were you but as far as i can see this is quite a case of sex discrimination and/or unfair treatment during pregnancy. There are strict guidelines on these matters and they are all their for your protection. Don't let them make you feel like you have something to hide. This should be a stressless and happy time for you.

I hope that you find a way to solve it without any further worry. x

redandyellowandpinkandgreen · 16/07/2010 22:10

I knew I had seen something similar recently, have a look at this.

www.secularism.org.uk/catholic-school-that-unfairly-di.html

thisisyesterday · 16/07/2010 22:17

LF, I agree, it's unacceptable, i just don;'t think that personally i would do anything yet

i wouldn't make an announcement. but if anyone asked I might tell them but ask them not to tell anyone else. just to keep the peace

the guy said she "could have been" sacked for being pregnant. which, while it's complete bollocks, isn't a threat is it? to me it sounds like "well, we could have got rid of you but didn't, so can you do us a favour and not say anything"

think the OP is right to be bloody livid at him. just think, why rock the boat when there is only a week to go?

Littlefish · 16/07/2010 22:22

link to redandyellowandpinkandgreen's article

kalo12 · 16/07/2010 22:29

first of all, you need to enjoy your pregnancy and not get stressed, so although i think your boss is completely in the wrong and should really be stood up to, just put yourself first. it's nearly the holidays, forget about the gossiping, once you go back and are clearly 5 months pregnant everyone will know the truth.

i would just keep a low profile, because also if your boss is such an unreasonable bully then he could make things difficult if you wanted to come back part time / flexible hours etc.

just keep a record of all these things in case of further repercussions. but put yourself first and relax, enjoy your summer, your wedding, your own friends.. its only a job! its not your whole life

NonnoMum · 16/07/2010 22:37

I think a quick scan around the playground might find that, shock, horror, some of the pupils were born to unmarried parents.

You are fully protected by employment law so no worries there.

Good luck with your wedding and your new baby.

corblimeymadam · 16/07/2010 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PJen · 17/07/2010 00:09

shocking... what people do in names of religion.... sounds like a taliban story...

Original poster
flower24 · 17/07/2010 13:05

Thank you to you all xxxxx
I have thought every one of these opinions over the last few days but its good to hear it from others and helped me stay calm about the whole thing.
Part of me wants to stand up and be counted and try to help them see a different way, a more christian way, of dealing with situations like this but the other part of me wants to forget it and like some of you said, just concentrate on happy things and not get stressed.

The main thing I want to say though is again thanks. Especially to belgianbun- Iv been racking my brains for Bible quotes and youve come up with the most relevant. Even if i dont use them, its nice to hear such things to reaffirm to myself that im ok in the eyes of the Lord.

Me and bump just off for a dress fitting but (i know im repeating myself here) thanks agen xxx

OP posts:
NonnoMum · 17/07/2010 13:37

At the end of the day, it does break church laws, there's no denying that...

BUT, it doesn't break the law of the land, so no worries on job front.

And, without wanting to be disrespectful, young Mary had a bit of a dilemma, didn't she?

Just as well she wasn't working as a primary school teacher at the time...

Littlefish · 17/07/2010 14:13

at Mary's dilemma! A very good point!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page