how can I get 3.3yo DD pooing on the toilet/potty?

[mintyneb]

i started potty training with my DD last October and let her play around at home without a nappy on with potties within easy reach both upstairs and down.

for the first week or so she just took herself to a potty and did both wees and poos proudly running up to me afterwards to tell me what she had done. Cue much whooping and clapping from me and everything was great

Then she hit a period of constipation and found that she could only go whilst standing up in her nappy. End result being she has not done a poo on either a potty or toilet since then (ie 8 months ago)!

The situation is not helped in that she has an underlying health condition which can cause her bowel to get blocked up and so she is on several sachets of movicol a day to help out. If I put DD in knickers for a day she will quite happily do wees on the toilet but still won't do a poo which means I am putting her at risk of blocking up inside even more. So she is pretty much in pull ups most of the time as we go out and about quite a lot and I can't risk letting her block up by not going nor can I risk accidents (on some days she can do up to 4 poos) if she is not prepared to try using a public loo.

Last month she hurt her foot and couldn't walk on it for a couple of days so because she couldn't stand up she couldn't (wouldn't ?) poo at all in that time.

Also, if she has done a poo in her nappy she rarely tells me - often denying it if I ask her - and then she can regularly kick up a huge fuss whilst I try and change her. She would happily sit in a dirty nappy all day. She is aware that she needs to do a poo as she will take herself off somewhere quiet to do it or if she's scared it's going to hurt her she will ask me to hold her hand

I am at my wits end to know how to help my DD, does anyone have any wise words to offer?

Throw away all nappies. She can't hold it in forever.

Feed her several dried apricots a day.

I would love to try your first suggestion cotedazur but despite her going several times a day over the winter we were unaware that she was slowly blocking up inside and it was only an xray in March that showed exactly what was going on. She was pretty much immediately admitted to hospital for industrial strength laxatives and instead of going in for just a couple of days she ended up being in for over a week. If she shows any signs of blocking up again then she will be straight back into hospital

i will try giving apricots another go. I tried them when she was little but she spat them out repeatedly but maybe her tastes have changed since then

DD2 was like this, although she was a bit younger.

She wore knickers and asked for a pull up when she needed a poo.

I chose the path of least resistance and let her do what she felt comfortable with.

One day, she went to the toilet to do a wee and did a poo as well, it must have been an accident because she looked quite shocked. Lots of praise and some chocolate followed. During the next week she asked for pull ups, but also did a couple more poos on the toilet.

The real breakthrough came when she did a poo on the toilet at nursery, after that she stopped asking for pull ups.

Do you have a reason why she needs to be out of nappies or can you just go with the flow for a bit longer?

annmar, thanks for giving me a positive story to think about.

For me, I would rather DD wore nappies and pooed for England than go through another week in hospital so I am happy to keep her in nappies. I guess what I really struggle with is the fact that she knows full well she has done a poo but refuses to tell me - or anyone else who is looking after her, and then we have this regular battle trying to get her changed.

She goes to a pre-school playgroup twice a week where they take children from 2 years up so the staff are well used to changing nappies. However, last week it took two of them to get her changed - I don't think physically holding her down, more using bucketloads of encouragement and coercion (sp?) - and she got very unsettled and didn't enjoy the rest of the session.

Maybe my question should be how do you change a 3yo DD's nappy if she won't let you?!

Minty, is there any way you can persuade dd to squat to poo? Because standing isn't a very efficient way of emptying her bowel, she ideally ought to have her knees higher than her hips, which allows her pelvic floor to relax down and mean she shouldn't have to strain too hard. Given the physical difficulty with blockages, etc. If she uses a toilet, she should have a stool under her feet high enough to achieve this position, not legs dangling.

Could you line the potty with a cheap nappy and get her to sit on this? She might be more accepting if you say she will not need to go through the performance of a nappy change which she hates. When she is happily using this method, you can gradually withdraw the nappy, putting a pad of loo roll inside the pot, and then making that less and less. You can still be with her and chat, look at a book, or whatever keeps her calm and sitting there.

My DD1 sorted out weeing on the toilet really quickly (literally in nappies one day, then knickers the next) but used to ask for a nappy to poo. I went with this for about four months, then decided enough was enough. I got a bag and filled it with presents in front of her (nothing spectacular, just things like hair bands, playdough, stickers), and told her that everytime she did a poo on the toilet she could choose something from the poo present bag. It did the trick and I got rid of the bag after two weeks when she was in the habit of pooing on the toilet.

Bribery? Yes. Effective? Yes. Worth doing? Yes!

girlywhirly, interesting you say that about efficiency of emptying bowels while stood up.

DD2 had on off constipation while still using pull ups, but, as soon as she started using the toilet, the constipation disappeared.

I would still ditch the nappies. As long as she is not constipated, she cannot physically keep the poo in for a week. And with the laxatives you are giving her, constipation does not seem likely.

Also, feed her lots of cooked green vegetables, which softens the poo. Hide them in pasta sauce, if you need to.

girlywhirly, that's an interesting point. I have no idea why DD has chosen to stand up to do her business but she's obviously got it into her head that that's what she wants to do! I don't think it can be doing her any good though from what you are saying.

I have tried to get her to sit on the toilet with a nappy on to do a poo but she's never risen to the bait so maybe I should try your suggestion about using a nappy in the potty.

i like your idea of a 'poo present bag' watercress although when DH and I mentioned to her only this weekend that we could try a star chart (or something similar) with a reward for whenever she had 'x' many stars she replied 'but I don't want to do that'.

cotedazur, i wish I had the confidence to go cold turkey on her and ditch the nappies, I really do. I just know what the xray was like back in March and can't go there again. Even the Drs were shocked at how bunged up she was and said it had been building up for months despite going pretty much every day.

i guess I'll just have to be a bit more inventive about how I persuade her to try on the loo again. The trouble is I've reached the point of being frustrated with DD and I'm sure she's picked up on it. I will have to draw a deep breath and go back to square one maybe

thanks to everyone for replying

Mintyneb, I reckon the reason the poo present bag worked so well is because DD saw what went into it, so she would literally be doing her poo and saying "this is for the green playdough". I think if I'd broached the subject conceptually, she would have said no, but confronted by a bag of lovely things, she completely bought into it. I had got really stressed about it too, but doing this made it fun and interesting, and really took the anxiety out of it for both of us.

Good luck.

My son doesnt suffer from constipation so slightly different but was pooing in his pants for a while. We got him onto the potty using a treat bag filled with kinder eggs, lollipops and magic stars-things he's not allowed any other time. He has lots of toys, and his passion is definately food!

We left the treat bag on display and whenever he asked for one explained that he could choose one after a poo on the potty or toilet. We also read him many times 'Poo Goes home to Pooland' which has been mentioned on here many times before. After 3 days of these two things he was pooing on the potty/toilet and has had no accidents now for over a month.

Also with position....he struggles to poo if he cant get his feet up on the toilet. Best position is on the potty backwards, with a book on the floor to look at....he then leans forward so in a crouched position and seems to help him push it out!!

Sorry for long winded post and goodluck xx