Girl who won't sit down, and one who can hold for 21 hours

[FiveStar]

Hi I have 2 DDs aged 3 and we have been training for what feels like about a century... Neither has ever done anything voluntarily in the loo or potty except one of them at the very start shocked herself and us by doing a wee and a poo in the pot...nothing since then. They sit regularly but just don't go. We have tried all manner of incentives, stickers, chocolate, stories, songs etc. They fully understand the concept and are very articulate about it.

One of them can 'hold' everything all day long from 7.30 am to 6.30pm (then goes in bedtime nappy) and the other day it was even longer - from 6.30pm the previous night, through the night with a dry nappy, through to 3.30 the next afternoon when she did a huge wee download onto the carpet (despite having sat regularly on loo during the day). She shows no signs of distress or needing to go. Sometimes instead of holding she has an accident but I am not worried about that as at least she has gone and can learn.

The other also holds on but gets frantic as the afternoon wears on towards 4pm as she knows she needs to go but will not let it out. When desperate she absolutely refuses to sit down on the loo or potty and dances around. The position we are now in is that for the sake of her health and to get her to finally 'let go' we put a pull up on her standing next to the loo and the very second it goes on she 'lets go' and does a huge wee (or whatever). After this she is v happy and goes back in pants. I do not like pull ups as feel they give the wrong message but at least we are actually 'in the room' by the loo and she is not allowed to just go out and play in her pull up as if she is still in nappies.

Both of them seem to have enormous control. Effectively they have 'trained' themselves to hold on until they get a pull up or nappy to go in - so it is just that they are going in a different receptacle to what we want them to go in (the loo). However we are at our wits end for how to get them to feel ok about letting go on the loo. I feel that the longer we go on like this the more we cement this behaviour, but don't know how to move on from it.

I think that they do not associate sitting down with 'going' as they have always stood up to wee or poo in their nappies since they were tiny. I don't know how to overcome this. If they were boys it would be a lot eaiser!

If anyone has any ideas we would love to hear them.

Are you are talking about my daugther; she will only wee in a nappy!

She can hold on for ever (although only 14 hours, not 21). She is nearly 3.

I have no ideas...we tried going cold turkey on nappies day and night, but our dd just held on until deciding that the sofa was an ideal receptacle.

(that went on for a week until we'd decided we'd had enough)

So, our current strategy is to keep her in pants and - when she needs a wee - let her ask for a nappy before whipping it off once she's done it. It's our compromise, and you could say that a nappy is a convenient receptacle.

However, she can sit on a potty a few minutes before needing this wee and not do it.

So, I have no advice, but it's nice to know that someone else is like our dd. It's sort of the opposite problem to everyone else!

I am hoping that one day, she will decide to use a toilet or potty instead. Age changes things....at least that's what I'm telling myself!

Our older dd was also very continent but at least would ask for a potty by this stage.

Hi Builde, I am seeing someone at the health visitors office tomorrow about this so will see if they have a magic answer! She was surprisingly helpful and interested about it on the phone yesterday so fingers crossed. Her concern about the holding on is that they will give themselves bladder infections.

Have you tried lining the potty with a nappy for them to go in? You could then eventually remove the nappy (if it worked!)

Hi waitingforbedtime yes have thought of that but as they won't actually 'sit' when desperate it's a bit tricky. Might suggest it later though and see what happens.

No new advice from HV, in fact pretty annoying as everything she said we have been doing for months and no progress she has no idea about reality of life with twins...

Current plan is increase fluid intake and act v disinterested in whole issue of loos and see what happens, take pressure off them but leave them in pants.