**seeker** or others who follow the seeker potty training method!

[GoingPostal]

please can you help?! ds is 3.1, and I am pretty sure he is ready to potty train. In fact he has said he wants to wear big boy pants... so I have duly complied (remember your advice from looking on MN a while back!) and he just kept on wetting himself... so I gave up . Now his nursery keeps telling me how ready he is (he asks perhaps once a day at nursery to go to the loo - not every time mind). They are being quite pointed about it!

I know he "gets" it, I think that he just can't be bothered. It got to the point after several wettings that I was saying every 10 / 5 / 2 mins "do you need a wee?" - he would be adamant that he did not, got quite cross with me. 2 mins later he would wet himself. This happened many times in a row. If I tried to be more forceful about giving the potty or loo a go he got upset so I backed off.

Next time he asks for big boy pants, do I just say "yes great" and literally leave him to it - perhaps it is me nagging that throws him out and he just needs to do it for himself?

the other problem is that we are just so busy - away lots of weekends, visiting friends who are a 30-60 min car drive away during hte week etc. I can't realistically get a clear run at it for another 5-6 weeks. Do I just wait until then, or will I have missed a window to get him enthusiastic if I say no next time he asks for big boy pants?

sorry so long! but all advice appreciated, thanks.

bump.

I recommend Toilet Training in Less Than a Day here, and it worked really well, though it took more than a day.

You will really need to roll up your sleeves and put your life on hold for a few days to a few weeks -- toilet training doesn't happen automatically on its own. Once it's done, there can be some accidents, but after a few months you'll be flying. It's really worth putting in the intensive effort required in the beginning.

thanks Math. anyone else with tips please?!

I think ds is bright and capable of getting this quickly though I admit that I am rather impatient and despair at the idea of it taking weeks.

He was telling me when he needed a poo, which I was delighted about as I felt this would make training so much easier. But now he is deliberately not telling me and going in his nappy rather than try the loo. I am getting cross about it which I know is wrong and counter-productive. But I don't feel confident about moving to pants at this stage.

goingpostal no advice I'm afraid just bumping for you and sympathising. I suspect I"ll be in a similar position a few months from now, DD1 is 2.6 and smart and definitely 'gets' the potty thing but I've given up for now because she was basically doing all the things your DS is doing.

I've driven myself completely nuts reading 1001 different approaches to potty training, have considered the bribing with smarties etc for wees/poos in the potty, which might be the next step but I basically just can't decide whether to leave her to do it in her own time or go all out on it for a week or two. Like you, the thought of weeks of clearing up mess makes me feel so depressed and I"m also concerned that I'll lose my patience when, for example, she tells me one minute that she doesn't need to go and then wees/poos everywhere a minute or two later.

This week I"m going with the seeker school of thought but will probably feel differently next week so will watch thread with interest.

good luck!

another bump... spending too much time thinking about this and dreading our next window of opportunity to try.

Ok, I had a bit of a similar experience so here is my tuppence.

If you are going to give it a go, make sure YOU are ready, not him.

Be prepared to give it a good fortnight to see some change, if it isn't working/you are both getting frustrated, hang up the potty for a month or so, then try again.

Here is what I did.

Initially, I reminded her so often, she was doing exactly what you are describing and I found it frustrating as hell.

Then I put the potty near her and tried to 'catch the end' of the wee. Lots of praise for anything that went in, and maybe a little treat. Like a tictac or gummi bear or choc button or raisin.

I tried to relax and kept the nagging down, as it makes them nervous/not sure whether they need a wee or not (imagine if someone was constantly asking you). It's a bit like being hungry... sometimes you say you aren't and then 5 minutes later you realise you are ravenous.

Chill. Chill. Chill and chill again. Clothes are going to get wet. on a long journey, pop a nappy under them in the carseat and take a travel potty (I've found the pottete 3 in 1 fabulous)

Finally, poos are a different story and took much longer.

Good luck, it can be a stressful thing to go through.

I meant to say too, you need to observe him, and learn the behaviour he has just before he wees. DD holds herself, hops about or squirms and can become very argumentative, and sometimes does a wee walk or dance, whereby they clamp their thighs together. Really obvious when you learn the signs.

That is the time to ask them if they need a wee, but have the loo/potty ready first as it will come almost straight away! Running taps also help shy wees out.

ah thanks 120, that is v helpful. totally on the page re argumentative - massive cross denial followed by wee or poo 30 seconds later!! I have put aside 10 days

oops. ... I have put aside 10 days in my diary to really try and crack it in a relaxed fashion. in the meantime going to try not to mention it again - am boring myself with it now!!

GoingPostal, your experience sounds similar to mine. Nursery kept stressing ds1 was ready for it but I had held back (partly because he had a new brother to contend with and I felt it was too much upheaval at the same time). At the point we went for it he was however doing all his poos in the potty/toilet (we had introduced that casually ages ago and he just took to using it without any training as such).

I posted on here 2 days into trying to get him trained from a wee perspective because I just couldn't see how he would get it from a wee perspective. There were no signs he needed a wee (no hopping, twitching etc) and he was just wetting himself all the time. I just couldn't see how he would get to 'know' when he needed a wee and he was getting frustrated by me asking him all the time. I was giving him a smartie every time he did a wee in the potty, but I really don't think this had any effect to be honest.

I found it was necessary to let him wee in his pants for the first couple of days because he quickly realised it was uncomfortable and I think this is what eventually taught him to look out for the signs. He went through these phases:

1. Wee in pants and not notice
2. Wee in pants, notice and pull off trousers and pants immediately (but not tell me)
3. Realise he was about to go and start to undress but not get to potty on time
4. Realise he was about to go, undress and dash to potty on time And finally...
5. Realise he was about to go (and show signs of needing a wee), tell me, and then we could get to potty or somewhere to wee with plenty of time

I bought a second potty so I had one downstairs and upstairs so he could dash to it quickly when he needed to. I also, at the start, took him to the loo (without asking him if he needed to go) at frequent points in the day (before we went out, after he came in from being out, etc etc).

We pretty much cracked it in a week and its been a really painless experience. I don't think it would have been like this if I had started any earlier though, it was important we were both ready for it (mentally).

I can also recommend the No Cry Potty Training Solution book, which I used for a few tips.