OK, what do I actually NEED to do potty training? And hundreds of other questions from a beginner

[somethinganything]

DD coming up to 2.6 - I also have a 3MO so wanted to give her a bit of time to get used to her new sister before starting potty training. But we have tentatively begun taking off nappies at home and are having a pretty good success rate. But I have tonnes of questions for those who've already done this.

Firstly, practical:

• what kit do I need?
• should I get trainer pants? And are they the same as the easy up pants? Or a different thing altogether? Do they send out mixed messages? Or just help with the endless mess?
• We have one big red baby bjorn potty, which DD likes and a cheapy from the pound shop, which she's not the slightest bit interested in. Do I have to shell out for a second identical potty?
• Do I need one of these potette travel potties and if not what do I do when out and about?
• What do I do after each wee/poo on the potty i.e. we've got the potty in the living room and I'm making 5 or 6 trips an hour to the toilet to empty the potty, wash her hands etc And (this is a really stupid one How do you wipe their bottoms at this stage?! Is it just wet wipes and if so where do you put them because they're non flushable right? (I guess what I"m saying is that each potty visit seems like a lot of mess and hassle at the mo, there must be a simpler way, right?)
• Any other stuff I've forgotten?

Secondly, methodical:

• DD definitely gets it, in fact she kind of does her wees in installments and gets off and does a little victory dance after each bit - same iwth poos. But then yesterday, just after pooing on the potty, she randomly pooed on the kitchen floor and then weed on the sofa and on the carpet. Is she just testing the boundaries? And how do I get her to stay on for longer until she's finished?
• And is it normal that she wees this much? (I had to empty the potty about 5 or 6 times in a one-hour session yesterday)
• Also, am I sending out mixed messages by taking off nappies at home but letting her wear them to go out? (Thing is, I can't face days/weeks/months on end stuck at home while she learns)
• When do I go out for the first time with pants
• When do we graduate to the big loo?

Am realising now that we've started quite what a hassle this is going to be and now dreading months of mopping up wee and disinfecting floors.

All help gratefully received!! Thank you

You could use pull-ups to go out, present them as big girl pants. Or use the washable training pants (waterproof outer with towelling lining) and boost their absorbency with a microfibre cloth folded into a pad.

Go with the potty she likes. Dolly or teddy can sit on the cheapy at the same time. Potette very useful, you can make your own liners which are cheaper from pedal bin liners and something absorbent like value sanitary pads or a few sheets of kitchen roll folded into a pad.

You could have a small washing up bowl or large ice-cream tub with water and a small squirt of baby wash in it for dd to wash hands after each potty use, and of course a towel. You don't need to drag her off to wash hands and you can leave the water for a few washes before changing it.

Use loo roll, keep one with your washing hands kit. Save wipes for messy clean-ups.

To get dd to sit a bit longer, sit dolly/teddy on the cheap potty at the same time as dd and say she can get up when teddy/dolly does. Or have some toys and books to occupy while sitting. Using the potty is a novelty at the moment, but the number of wees she does will reduce as she does bigger ones less often.

I think you just have to go for it on outings, if you will be mostly outside, just take a lot of clothes to change and the potty. If inside, the trainer pants with microfibre cloth should help with the mess. Potty her before you go into a supermarket for example and at some point during ( leave your trolley at customer services if necessary) or go with someone else so you can just dash to the loo with dd.

I doubt it will be months at dd's present rate of progress.
Yes, there will be mess and accidents from time to time, but that's the reality of toilet training and you just have to accept it. In fact, that's the reality of having children full stop!

I forgot to add, leave sitting on the toilet until dd is a confident potty user, or until she asks to sit on it. Then she can choose a nice comfy seat for it.

You could do without a potette by lining the inner pot of the Baby Bjorn with a potette liner or home-made one and taking that out with you, while dd is a frequent wee'er just keep adding another pad of kitchen roll to the interior. Then you only need to dispose of the liner after a poo.

If your only loo is upstairs, you could keep a lidded bucket with some disinfectant in it outside in a porch or by the back door, and empty wee into that, only emptying the bucket when there is a poo to dispose of, might save you trailing up and down.

girlywhirly thanks so much - that's really very helpful indeed! Picked up a potette and some trainer pants etc from mothercare.

But, have actually taken a day off today because after a few successes yesterday there were a couple of big accidents. Firstly she wee'd all over a friend's chair: we'd literally just gone too minutes down the road and set up the potette in the corner of the room and I kept asking her if she needed to go on the potty then she wee'd everywhere literally 2 minutes after saying no - it was a proper flood so she must have known she needed to go. Then she said she wanted a nappy on, so I put one on her, then she asked to go on the big loo at friends house and did a wee on it to much fanfare.

But then, incident 2, as I was putting DD2 to bed she insisted on no nappy so I sat her on the potty in front of a DVD for a few mins and said all wees and poos go in there. I've done this before and it's worked fine but then she came in as I was feeding DD2 and said she'd done a poo on the bed and sure enough she'd climbed up onto my (and DH's) bed and wee'd and poo'd all over it - literally there were patches of wee in about 4 or 5 different places. Nightmare. And I just felt really, really irritated with her, I know she's only tiny and you're not meant to react (I more or less bit my tongue but she must have sensed I was a bit narked) but I'm sure she gets it and she had actually moved from the potty onto the bed in order to wee and poo. What's that about?

Anyway, all things considered I thought maybe she's physically ready but not emotionally - any thoughts? Am I being a wimp? Not understanding enough?

I just don't know whether this stuff is inevitable or a sign that she's not ready. And is it bad to stop and start like this? Is it better to do the booking a clear week and going for it thing?

One thing that worked for us was wearing proper pants all the time - but if had to go somewhere in the car or where difficult to get to potty/toilet - pop pull ups on over the top of them. That way pants got wet and dd could tell me she had wet herself but there was no big mess to sort out!!! (Probably completely slummy mummy attitude but worked for us!)

Also we started on a week when did not have much on and pretty much stayed home for the week, took the potty all around the house and asked every 10 mins do you need the potty! Then let gaps between asking get longer.

Also indulged in completely bribery and corruption with hand stamps (pen with shapes) for succesful wees in the potty and a choclate button for a poo !

The Seeker Guide to Using the Loo.

!. Do nothing - ignoring pressure from the media, mumsnet, in laws, parents and random strangers. Remind yourself that is is incredibly unusual for a child to go to primary school in nappies.

1. Leave the loo door open so she sees people going to the loo. If possible, borrow a couple of older children to join in this stage.

1. Wait. Do not lose your nerve. Soon, child will say "Mummy, I don't want to wear nappies any more"

1. Say "Certainly, darling, here are some pants and there is the loo. I've put a nice step here so you can reach. I'll sit here on the edge of the bath just in case you need any help. Don't forget to wash your hands.

1. Pour large glass of wine and congratulate yourself on another example of the success of hands off parenting.

I followed a plan very similar to the Seeker Guide to Using the Loo.

it's very effective!

all you need are quite a few pairs of pants, a little plastic step and a motivated child. No potty needed(yuck).

good luck!

Don't ask if she needs to go - just take her to the potty and ask her to see if anything comes out. (I suppose you could ask and still take her anyway). She might have felt self conscious doing it in front of your friends or (more likely) she may have been so engrossed in what she was doing that she thought she could hold on just a little longer.

Something, dd has some control, but it's not perfect. There may be something in what you say about her not being emotionally ready yet, as she chose the time when you were busy feeding dd2 to wet and soil your bed. I would be inclined to have her on the pot where I could see her, look at a book together while she sits and you can still feed dd2 at the same time. I guess dd1 felt a bit left out?

You can either stuggle on with lots of accidents, or you can leave it for another month, going back to nappies in the meantime. Just because she is back in nappies doesn't mean she has to stop using the potty, if you make this clear to her, it just means she has back-up for the accidents. You could, if you think it will work, do regular potty attempts during the day after meals and drinks etc with nappies on between times, then you can congratulate dd when her nappy is still dry between as well as for the results in the pot. Or do as seeker says and stop all attempts until she decides for herself. In another month we might have some decent weather and she can go out in the garden bare bottomed, and accidents won't be such an issue.

It is often the case at other houses that they get engrossed or don't want to use the potty in front of someone else and have accidents.

All really useful, thanks ladies. pants under pull-ups v novel idea!

seeker like your style, that sounds much more my cup of tea. Have just been a bit concerned that she won't ever reach that stage... (and also bowing a bit to pressure - various people asking when etc) but it sounds like you've done this before, right? What sort of age did yours decide they didn't want nappies any more? (Am also feeling a bit bad about the landfill because she goes through about 7 nappies a day - but not so bad that I can be arsed to fork out for real nappies when she's 2.5!)

Girly - I"m sure that's right re DD feeling left out. The only way I've found I"m able to put the two of them to bed single-handed is to bath/feed DD2 while DD1 watches DVD (with promise of special time with mummy afterwards) and then move on to DD1. I wouldn't usually have chosen that moment for potty training but she insisted on no nappy so thought she was up for some potty action. Will insist on nappy or keep her in view next time! Think I'll be leaving it for a while and letting her use the potty if she wants to. Thanks again for all the advice

sometinganything - can't remember exactly, but round about 2.10ish. DS wouldn't poo in anything but a nappy until he was nearly 4, but that was just him. And he only pooed once a day, so he used to come and ask for a nappy, poo, then carry on using the loo for pees.

Close your mind to the landfill - offset it by the fact that you won't be washing clothes and carpets and sofas after 'accidents' so you're saving the planet that way!

that's hilarious about your DS's very specific poo/nappy routine!

Yes, good point re the washing/detergents etc