DS has no idea he needs to go

[StealthPolarBear]

Is there anything I can do to explain to him when he needs to go? He's 3, and we've been potty training for a long long time, but in general he's in pull ups. When he goes into big boy pants (only when he asks, or I suggest it every couple of months to see if he's got it) he just has continual accidents.
I can take him to the toilet every hour or so but that's not training - just good timing.
Also, he refused a potty from the start and enjoys weeing on the toilet but if having a potty handy would help then I'd be willing to give it a try.
Any suggestions?

i've tried explaining about the full feeling you get (even recorded a nina and the neurons on it ) but he nods but doesn't get it. he doesnt cross his legs or hold himself either - he just doesnt know

I remember being told that when you child is in nappies, then stops for a second. Does a wee, then walks on, that they are aware they need to go and that is the best time to potty train.

DD also used to do the "wee wee dance" which was a good sign.

If he really cannot tell he is about to wee then perhaps he is not ready?

Although at 3 I would have thought he should be noticing the full bladder feeling.

hmm havernt bnoticed that
otoh he always wees on our mat
& always poos at home
which implies some control
we'll be getting a new mat when dd is out of nappies
back in olden days when all children were trained by 18 months what did people do?? exactly

bump

I think pull ups just make things take longer, with my dd I put her in pants and she had accidents, but they got less and less.

Someone mentioned above how did thy manage it years ago to get dc's trained quickly - I think it is because they went for the kill instead of messing about with pull ups which confuse the little ones.

but what is went for the kill?
He has had days on end in real pants which means days on end of accidents. So what magic did they do to get beyond that stage?

Go back to nappies. Try again in 3 months. He'll have got it by then.

Yes, I second that Seeker. My DS was very late to train. No big deal really. He'll get it. Much better to go straight to pants than mess with pull ups as well. Just means a bit more washing for you.

I read that they weren't really training them as such years ago, but were so obsessed with routine from a young age - feeding 4 hourly etc. that the wee would be very predictable. So they'd put them on the potty after each meal/feed and catch most of it. But it wasn't training. It was just timing.

but he's the one who keeps asking for and putting on his big boy pants - I'm just going with the flow. Should I be stopping him?

I agree with Shells. The DC of 30 - 40 years ago(erm, that would be us, I guess) were not physically more able to recognise the signs of needing to go.

It is not because he does not want to, it is because he does not recognise it for what it is.

I read that the earlier you start potty training, the longer it takes. And the more batty you are by the end of it because you have been cleaning up wee accidents for months.

DS was about 3.5yo before he really got the hang of it. I put him back into nappies until he said to me that he did not want to wear them any more.

If he wants to wear big boy pants then make a deal with him. If his willy works (as DS used to say) and he is not having accidents then he can stay in big boy pants. If not then agree that he can go back into pull ups for another week or two.

If you can do it in a week where you have not got to much other stuff on so that you can concentrate on him a bit more, that would be good.

i think that is the problem, you're right
he is out so much (nursery etc) that the thought of handling wees (and worse) out and about, in the car, and at nursery when I'm not there is a nightmare.
So can I tell my MIL that (timing not training) next time she acts shocked he's not 'trained' yet??

ppppfffft to MIL.

My FIL went on and on about their first grandchild was out of nappies when he was not even a 18mths because they said that they would not take him on holiday unless he was potty trained.

DS was 3.5yo.

Do you think that anyone now tuts and says, "DS is a lovely boy, but you know he was not potty trained until he was 3.5yo. And P, his cousin. Well I could tell he would go to Uni when he was potty trained at 18mths"

It will not be mentioned on his CV.

Ironically when she was asking me why he wasn't trained a while ago I said that a lot of development stages were child led these days and you are encouraged to do things when the child indicates they are ready (OK encouraged by MN not the HV but I didn't tell her that).
She did the equivalent of a teaching/child development degree back in the mid 70s. (Is a teacher now)
"Oh yes, that's how we were taught on my child development course - that was the thinking then"
So why was she hassling me to train him all last year then!!

Completely off topic, when I was pregnant, my aunt lent me Penelope Leach's baby book from the 70s, and I was amazed at how little the advice has changed between then and now!

I had a pregnancy book that stated, "Restrict yourself to no more that 14 units of alcohol a week"

lol

Stealth, this is going to sound very mean,,,,,, but put his pants on under the pull up pants from now on. Tell him that for the next 2 months all he has to do is try and recognise that feeling he gets JUST before the wee comes out. Take off the pressure about training though.

He will become more motivated to recognise that feeling when the pants are inside the pullup pants (not outside them).

Magaly what a great tip - I am going to try that in the morning with DS. He is also in pull-ups and will be interesting to see if he notices the 'wet' feeling if/when he does have an accident.