What do most parents mean by Potty Trained

[anonMum2]

When someone says their child is potty trained, is it when:

a. They know how to say 99% of the time when they need to go if they are at nursery or public toilet. Pants stay completely dry. If at home, goes on their own. No reminder at all.

b. They always tell someone before they need to go and always keep their pants dry, not even a single drop. No reminder.

c. They still need to be taken at regular intervals or still need to be reminded, and because of that they stay dry all the time.

Just asking because this week we're at a stage whereby DS stays dry all day if I take him at regular intervals or remind him, with him telling me on occassions. If I don't have a combination of all 3 and just leave it to him to tell me (holding myself back when I KNOW he is bursting), then he would have a slight wet trousers before he tells me. For his no.2 it's even worse, if I don't remind him and let him have his way then he would just hold it in until he is extremely contipated the following day.

Don't really understand why we're progressing so slowly as DS seems to say all the right things, e.g. 'wee wee quick mummy, potty', or 'keep pants dry', 'poo poo potty now' and does all the right things too, making me think he's a lot more advanced than he actually is. I'm guessing he's just saying it without actually understanding what they mean and performing based on reflex rather than real awareness. We know we started early (20 months) but he's been desperately asking to use the potty for months now and imitating everything we do. So DH and I gave in and did it. Perhaps it's our attitute (grr, we'll just do it then coz he's ready, even though we'd rather not!) that's holding him back?

Then again, we hear loads of success stories whereby people have trained DC by 18 months etc. It would be nice to know what other people mean when they say their child is PT. Thanks.

Well, I wasn't conscious of it at the time, but thing back I said 'DC doesn't use nappies anymore', or, 'DC uses the potty now' for a and c, for b I said 'DC is potty trained'.

I let DD use the potty at nappy changes, after naps etc. from about 12 months and took the step to a/c at about 20 months. She was probably properly dry at about 21 or 22 months. It was a process so I didn't really notice exactly when she tipped into being totally independent with it all IYSWIM.

But, it was summer (and we have hard flooring too)...

DTD, thanks for the reply. It sounds pretty clear that DS is definitely nowhere near being potty trained. It's been nearly 2 months and unless we prompt him to go, he will always have a wet patch on his pants before telling us.

DH and I thought we came up with a really clever idea yesterday, i.e. react dramatically when we see another wet patch on his pants. We'd reacted like this one before, naturally of course, when we nearly put him in his bath with his socks on and now he always reminds us 'no socks wet.. bath!'. So we thought this was definitely going to work. But one dramatic reaction later, we've had his first BIG wee accident in over a week.

For me, being potty/toilet trained is needing no reminders and never having accidents.

We have attempted potty training a couple times. DD is (mental math) 27 months and is still in nappies. She has a couple of potties and she understands what they are for. However, she tells us after she has had a wee and not before.

We have tried letting her take the lead and tell us, we have tried letting her go naked from the waist down and repeatedly putting her on the potty and we have have tried with her little knickers as well. She just doesn't seem to get it. DH thinks she's behind as other girls at this age are potty trained to some extent. I'm not that bothered if I'm honest - she will get there when she is ready. As it is now, I don't think she's ready yet.

Yesterday we were so proud of DS because he started to tell us before he did his wees. He even asked to go wee-wee whilst eating! Poos are now so easy I can't believe it. So after 3 days of us spending time with him, he's improved vastly on the fourth day.

Back at nursery today, and he's come back with 7 pairs of wet pants. Few of them were very big accidents. On the way home in the car, he told DH that he needed to wee, but DH didn't really know what to do, took him to a bush (toilet was a minute walk away and to DH that's too much hassle). Obviously DS refused to go as it was public, cold and windy so DH put him back in the car and surprise surprise DS ended up wetting himself completely in the car after that and sat in soaked pants all the way home. DH got an earful when I heard about that. In the evening, DS wet himself again and couldn't even be asked to tell us that he's wet as he had got used to sitting in wet pants all day.

It's so disheartening to see him always doing so well and improving, just before he goes back to nursery and not have much of my time (I work full time, long hours). I just wish we had a stretch of 10-14 days to do it without any interruption.

Potty trained = uses the potty instead of a nappy. It's our responsibility to keep our kids clean & dry. We choose whether we do that with regular nappy changes or regular potty/toilet breaks.

AnnieBeansMum, how long have you been PT? Is sounds like you're relaxed about it so that's a good start!

Bonsoir, I did think it's that. But hearing many people say their toddlers were potty trained in 3 days, 1 or 2 weeks etc. just made me wonder if they really don't remind DC at all. I know it shouldn't, but it sometimes makes me feel like a complete failure and that we're just not 'getting there', as I now remind DS every hour or two to go even after nearly 2 months of PT.

Having gone back to nursery after a long weekend break and suddenly reverting from telling me everytime before going in one day to having 9 bad accidents, I think it's quite clear that DS is taking so long because he's just not getting it at nursery. Not quite sure how to crack that one!

Couldn't agree more Ches!

ches and drivenToDistraction - in that case DH is definitely not participating in PT, LOL! To him it's easier for DS to mess himself and he then waits for me to change DS. It's happened quite a few times now.

So am I right that he is now 22 months? I really think that at that age you need to be reasonably in control of it yourself. DD2 was (I would say) potty trained at 22 months. Usually / often she would tell me if she needed the loo, but I still kept a v close eye on her. If it had been a few hours I would take her to the loo anyway even if she hadn't said anything and often I could see she needed a poo from her actions and would take her even if she hadn't said anything. i.e. for a long time after I considered her to be trained (because she was out of nappies and in pants) the responsibility for making sure she was accident free was sort of shared between us. She wasn't in nursery at the time so that made it easier as any other people she was with (DH / my Mum / once a week au pair), also knew to keep an eye on her and take her regularly. Gradually (and I mean over a period of months) I took less and less notice of her re going to the loo and realised that I was reminding her less and less.

Your DS sounds like he is doing brilliantly - it sounds to me like you need to have a serious talk with the nursery so that they are more supportive. With both my girls they would tell me / DH long before they were confident enough to tell other people and your nursery should be aware that most children are like that. He should not be coming back with 7 pairs of wet pants when he is doing so well with you. Are they hurrying him / intimidating him. Do they not take him often enough? Does he not like the potty / loo they use there (take your own potty in?). Maybe they could set up a special sticker chart for him or other incentives or rewards. You need to talk through the way they deal with potty training children and make sure that over the next few weeks or so they spend some time really focusing on your DS and his training.

Um, I thought I knew the answer til you asked .

I would say dd1 was potty trained at 22 months. She would either ask to go on the potty/toilet or would just take herself. We would only 'remind' her if we were, for example, out shopping and near the loos in the "Do you need the loo while we're going past them?" kinda way. Tbh though we never really did the regular intervals thing.

IMO potty trained is when no reminders are needed and there are very very few accidents.

We started potty training dd when she was about 20months (totally led by her) and she was clean and dry really quickly. I would say she was fully trained by around 2 as although she didn't have many accidents before then, I was constantly reminding her so the onus was on me, rather than her.

It's so hard to give timescales though, because although dd is only 2yr 9mths now, the timescales are already really blurry ... Maybe it's because she's my third and it's harder to keep track - that's my excuse anyway

NellyTheElephant, yes, he's 22 months now. Don't really know what to say aboout nursery as they seem to be doing all the right things and I cannot usually fault them except for the fact quite a lot of days I see they are so busy that I can just imagine DS walking round in soaked pants for a while before getting changed, just because another younger child's welfare or cries would be much higher priority than his potty training(he's one of the oldest in his room).

Good news is, today DS came back in the same pair of pants for the first time! I was told they've been putting him on potty when they knew he had to go, rather than just asking him. Don't mind for now, as long as he stays dry at nursery, I can work on the 'telling' bit at home.

Craftynclothy, that's what I thought DS would be doing after a couple of weeks. How wrong I was! ;) That's what most parents I speak to say and I always think.. how lucky!

Plonker, I think I know what you mean with the timescale thing.. it was only last week we were really struggling with DS's poo but last few days I haven't had to remind him much as he always told me first and went on toilet/potty himself. This evening, DS said he needed poo-poo and I suddenly thought, 'oh, I completely forgot to remind him'. Wish that would happen with his wees soon!

Thank you for comments and suggestions. Very helpful.

Here's the thing, a toddler is fully engrossed in learning about his/her world. They have a short attention span and little, if any, impulse control. However, very many are quite capable of holding in a wee or a poo for the toilet if only there wasn't this fascinating world just distracting them at every step.

If you shy away from parenting manuals and definitions, you can find a path that works for you. For us, that was the adults being in charge of offering the toilet at regular intervals and the small boy being in charge of holding it in until the toilet was available. He was very good at holding up his end of the bargain when we were holding up ours, except when his teeth hurt.

So is my ds toilet trained. Day 1, no accidents, 7 wees in the toilet and 3 poos in the toilet. Mind you, he's been sitting in there all day. He LOVES it

AngryWasp, sounds like he's doing extremely well! My DS started off well but certainly not that well, I do remember him absolutely loving it too when he started off with us. Then went through a phase of hating it because nursery made him sit every 15 minutes.

Guess DS is getting further away again from being PTrained again. He's done so well with poos that I would've said he was completely poo-trained.

However, yesterday I had to go in to work early and drop DS off at nursery earlier than usual, and he ended up poo-ing in pants there. I told nursery that it's unsual as he doesn't struggle with that as he's got good control and always tells. Anyhow, I accepted it as toddlers do get accidents so didn't think anymore about it.. Until this morning, DS was running round happily, and came up to me with a proud beaming smile saying "big poo-poo pants!". Whatever nursery did with him, he obviously thinks it's now a great and wonderful achievement to poo in his pants.