How do I work out for sure if its behavioral/attentin seeking/ cant be arsed or whether its an issue she is having

[TrinityIsFuckingTrying]

dd2 will be 5 next saturday

she has never been completely dry

how do I rule out health issues etc before I take a harder line

sometimes she can wet herself 4 or 5 times a day

once in a bkue moon she doesn't wet for a day

she tries to hide it from me alot

she goes all weird and grins when I find out she has

she did once say to me, I reallly dont need a wee sometimes but it comes out

.....tumbleweed.......

hi trinity ,

if you think a check up with your doctor might help to put your mind at rest then do it , but i reckon she is just not ready yet , some children are potty trained very young & others are a bit older , every child is different . the best thing to do is not to make an issue about it . HTH x

Hi Trinity,

didn't want you to go unanswered. I have no experience about this, although DS is still wet at night at 5. I know that they don't worry about this side of wetting until they are 7, but I have no idea about day time. Sorry.

If she's trying to hide it from you, it sounds like she is embarrassed.

Agree with having a chat with the doctor. Have you considered that it may be emotional as well as/ rather than/ physical? You have all had such an upsetting few months.

thanks guys
I have asked the health visitor about it and she is going to bring a sterile wee container for us to take a sample to the docs

I know every child is different for instance gecko trained herself two weeks before her second birthday day and night and has only wet in the day twice....once when she fell over and really hurt her face and once when she wasn't well

I just thought by now she would have cracked the daytime

most nights she is dry so what is that about?

I know that her dad dying had really messed her up but she isn't wetting anymore than she has before and she has never been daytime dry

I wasn't worrying about it until I realised she will be going to school in 4 and a half months

she has enough to contend with and possible reasons for teasing what with a crazy mum and a dead dad without wetting herself aswell

if you are right knotty which tbh I think you might be

what do I do??????????????????

like seriously how do I comepletely ignore it if that is what I should do?

or if its not then what should I do?

I have such trouble not getting angry
she smirks at me when I see she has wet herself

yes the urine sample should rule out any problems . my DD 4.3 years has only this week started to be dry at night time whereas my ds was dry at 2.5yrs .
Does she drink a lot during the day ?
And you are not a crazy mum . you are a strong & loving mum who is doing everything possible to create a happy home for those children .

Oh bless her heart. I think the smirking is because she's embarrassed - it can be a common reaction in some. Until you've had the urine checks, I'm not too sure what the answer is.
I appreciate it can be frustrating for you - I'm frequently stripping off DS's bedding, so know how you feel in that respect. The trouble is if they see your frustration, they become more embarrassed and that doesn't help much. I tend to pause before I open my big gob, then say something along the lines of, 'It's ok, darling. Pop your pants next to the machine and get yourself a clean pair'. Any cussing stays in my head!

What if you went shopping together and let her choose some new 'grown up girls' pants? Focus more on it being treat as she'll be going to a new school so you think she's old enough to choose her own. Maybe she would be more reluctant to wet them?

Remind her frequently to go to the toilet?
Apparently there's also a link with wetting and blackcurrant - so if they have it might be worth cutting it out.

thanks knotty

hmm blackcurrant, I hadn't thought of that one
I had thought of no fizzy and making sure she drinks enough
I have been trying to remind her to go to the loo but she always says she doesn't need to and theneither wets herself or 2 secs after she says she doesn't need to runs to the loo

DD1 5.8 still isn't dry in the day.

She was referred to the incontinence clinic by the school nurse after weeks of wetting herself 2 or 3 times a day at school.

The clinic have looked at her frequency and volume of wee and decided she needed to increase her bladder capacity and drink more. They also said she needed constant reminders and school have worked with us on this. (She is reminded to go and if she asks during lessons she is allowed to go when others may not be)

She is basically lazy and doesn't mind sitting in wet knickers. We went down the clinic route, because we had tried anger, disappointment, exasperation, indifference, sadness and just about every other emotion we could express. Nothing made any difference. The only thing that works is constant nagging.

We now have more good days than bad, but she seems to have improved at school and gone backwards at home.

I have no real advice, except talk to your GP or HV. If there is a problem, either physiological or psychological, you can flag this with the school and they will hopefully deal with it sympathetically and discretely.

The fact that there is an incontinence clinic for children that operates 3 days a week in a large city, must mean this is a common problem.

Sorry for the essay, all I really wanted to say was, you are not alone.

thankyou annmar

Trinity, tanya Byron did a brilliant piece for the times on using behavioural sanctions, while not giving attention for wetting, I think it may be useful. I will paste link...

tanya Byron piece here

When she's wet, who sorts it out? Who goes to find the dry clothes, put the wet stuff wherever it goes etc? Because with mine, when I felt it was more "can't be arsed" than anything else, I found that making them responsible for getting dry and clean sorted it out pretty damn quick, so they went upstairs to find clean stuff, they changed themselves etc - it wasn't my problem.

she takes off her wet stuff, puts it in the washpile, goes to the toilet and puts on new trousers and knickers

I dont do anything
she comes to tell me she has wet herself and I say well go and change your wet stuff then....