Help! I need a new approach to get DD toilet trained!

[evremummy]

I feel like tearing my hair out!

DD was 3 in January. I started trying to toilet train her in November. We did better than I thought we would to start with and she seemed to be doing really well with wees. Unfortunately, I became a bit over-reliant on pull-ups when we were out and about so not sure whether she was using these more than I thought.

After Half Term I started sending her to nursery in knickers and she was doing really well. This week she has started wetting herself again.

I am struggling to get her to do poos at all but this has been a problem all along. She either poos in her pull-ups at night or does it in her pants when no one is looking (usually when she asks to play in her room).

Both my husband and I have got cross with her on numerous occasions, which we probably shouldn't have done. We praise her when she has done it on the toilet and she has a sticker chart and the promise of a treat when she gets enough stickers on the chart (it's a pre-printed one with a frog trying to get to its lily-pad).

Yesterday and today she has just laid on the sofa looking at a book and wet herself. She just laid there and did it whilst I was occupied with something else and did not make any attempt to go to the toilet. I am trying to sell my house and could do without it stinking of wee!

I think its' behavioural rather than accidental. I gave birth to her brother 7 months ago and I delayed potty training for a few months as if I had tried before he was born I thought she may regress once he came along and trying to rush her to the toilet when I had a newborn to attend to would have been a nightmare.

I'm not sure whether she enjoys the attention she gets, whether neutral or negative when she has wet or pooed herself as obviously her brother still demands quite a lot of attention and I'm busy trying to keep the house tidy to sell it along with all the usual things there is to do. Her behaviour in general has deteriorated over the last few weeks.

What should I do? Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can make going to the toilet fun? Please be kind as I am feeling very fragile and stressed at the moment .

Sorry, this is very long and boring but I could just do with some advice from those who have been there. Thanks in advance for reading and responding.

She wet herself again whilst I was composing my thread!

Forgot to say that she is reluctant to drink very much too. I have also considered that she may have a urine infection hence the increase in wetting but the urine doesn't smell particularly offensive and she hasn't complained of any symptoms.

Also she is a very bright three year old in every other way so it is distressing that she can't get the hang of this.

inzidoodle thank you for responding. I like the idea of the foil presents and I think DD would like the make believe element as she is likes doing different voices and making characters out of all sorts of things at the moment. Not sure whether it will work as we have tried bribes rewarding her when she does wees and poos on the toilet. We had stopped rewarding wees as she was doing so well at this and were just giving stickers and the incentive of a big treat when she got 12 stickers on her chart but maybe I need to go back to doing this again.

She is reacting to your stress. If you think the house smells of wee, treat yourself to some really good quality pot pourri for each room. Put throws on sofas and armchairs with disposable bed mats underneath to absorb any wet accidents, can be whipped off prior to house viewings and will protect upholstery. Even cheap fleece blankets will do as they wash and dry quickly. 1001 troubleshooter carpet cleaner is good, (squirty bottle spray) doesn't need rinsing, vac when dry.

Make no comment about accidents, just change her calmly without any fuss.Don't say anything at all if you feel you are going to tell her off, just wear a blank expression. Do provide lavish praise and implement any reward system you think will work, when she uses potty/loo. Do get her to drink more, get her a new beaker or sports bottle of her choice to encourage her. Concentrated urine in a small volume irritates the bladder and doesn't stretch it to it's proper size, so the full bladder signals aren't as clear. I think working towards a goal of a big reward for a certain number of dry/clean pants may work, but only if there is something that is dd's absolute dream thing, it won't work if she doesn't really care whether she has it or not.

girlywhirly thanks for your comments and advice. I agree with that she is reacting to my stress. Feel a bit better today as I got a bit more sleep. So far no accidents today.....

I feel your pain. DS2 was also 3 in Jan and we have been trying to get him sorted since about blimmin JULY of last year and I'm afraid to say we're still not quite there. I read somewhere (probably here, where else is there ?) that the child has to be 'emotionally engaged' with the whole thing and that definitely strikes a chord with me. DS1 is very concerned to be seen to be doing things right - potty-trained in days at about the same age. DS2, otoh, doesn't give a MONKEYS. He has sorted out poos, thank god, but just wees as and when he sees fit, which may be in the loo, and may not be. Particularly if there is something more interesting he could be doing.

I have more success when I don't fly off the handle about it, and it does seem to go in phases, but I am about resigned to just assuming that at least by the time he is 6 he won't still be wetting himself. Inshallah...