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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

So what do you do if your child refuses to sit on the potty, gets hysterical if you encourage them and is impervious to bribery?

22 replies

HumphreyCobbler · 03/03/2010 22:19

A sticker chart is not going to make any difference to ds. He would just look blankly at it. I can't offer him a toy as a reward, he won't be bothered. If I mention potty/poo/ wee more than once a day he throws a hissy fit.

With other things you can kind of insist, despite tantrums. But I can't physically make him sit on the potty, and would imagine this to be counter-productive anyway.

He is 3.2. The worst thing is that his one year old sister has been weeing on the potty since her first birthday (not training her yet though).

I don't know what to do. Any ideas/hope?

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Tortoise · 03/03/2010 22:20

I'd stop potty training for a while. Maybe he just isn't ready.

LadyBiscuit · 03/03/2010 22:20

dr tanya suggests sweets as a reward. I have gone for the giving up method and hoping it will suddenly and miraculously resolve itself. I shall be watching this thread with interest

Tummum · 03/03/2010 22:30

I agree with Tortoise. I have 3 DCs, DD1 trained at 18 months and DD2 only just now (and not through the night yet) and she is 3.7. I truly believe they go at their own pace, and will let you know when they are ready (e.g. wanting to wear pants / use the potty.) I found out that DD2 was ready when I found an unexpected turd in the potty and DD2 announced that it was hers !

Dillie · 03/03/2010 22:33

I would try having the potty around him. Let him play with it. Make a game of "teddy having a wee, isnt he good?" then award teddy with a sticker.

Worked for my dd. She refused point blank to sit on it. I gave up in the end then just treated like a toy for her teddys. In the end I got two pottys, one for her and one for teddy. She came around eventually.

Tbh, I would back off a little, maybe as Tortoise says, he isnt ready.

Also just a little thought, what sort of potty have you got? The first potty i got my dd was one of the usual moulded ones. I dont actually think she felt comfy or safe on it. When I got the other one it is of a fairly large size that converts into a step up too, so its really sturdy. Could be that he just doesnt feel safe too

sanfairyann · 03/03/2010 22:34

roleplay endlessly with toys on potty - worked for dd anyway

DorotheaPlenticlew · 03/03/2010 22:35

Lurking for answers, similar thing here plus casual enquiries from my mum making me feel I should be tougher on this issue - DS 2.5

katiepotatie · 03/03/2010 22:56

I will too be looking at replies dd (3 in April) also gets hysterical when we mention the potty/ toilet.
I've even got our 10 month old to poo in it, still she wouldn't go.
Health visitor told us to leave it a while too.

JaynieB · 03/03/2010 23:05

Lurking too...my DD 3 last week, is reluctant to use potty, but will do occasionally, but has taken to storing up poos for nighttime so we don't intervene and suggest the potty! I think she'll come round to it in her own time, we keep giving gentle encouragement and huge amounts of praise when it happens, but I think some babies just aren't in a hurry. I was chatting to a friend at work today and she admitted her little girl was 7 before she was dry at night.

linconlass · 03/03/2010 23:26

My dd hated potty - i put two in a room and left him to it so no pressure- only to return to see a poo in the middle !!deliberate me thinks !Was paniking thinking it will never happen- One day he just decided and was dry day and night from then on - but never on a potty - went straight to using loo with a little step age 3.Any amount of coaxing or games did not work - he was wise to my attempts to pursuade and maybe it became a control thing- when i backed off - it happened - after a while.good look - this a common experience i think ,its just that sometimes people ralk about how early their children do it and you feel aaahhh!!

gaelicsheep · 03/03/2010 23:30

Wait. DS "got it" at 3.5. The one caveat is that in the end we did physically make him sit on the potty, and we did it in return for stickers. Once we got him to sit there long enough to actually do something it clicked and there was no turning back. Somehow we realised that this was finally "the time" which is why we persisted when previously we'd given up. If it hadn't clicked after that one time we'd have given up and waited again. I'm sure that doesn't help, but the bottom line (pardon the pun) is that he will get it in his own way and in his own time.

gaelicsheep · 03/03/2010 23:31

Once he'd done that first poo and wee he was completely dry in two days - I kid you not.

FairyLightsForever · 04/03/2010 00:01

I also agree with leaving it for a month, or two, nothing you try now will work, your DS is too worked up at the moment. Leave the potty around, so that he gets used to it being there.
I switched to 'value' nappies between our first and second attempts. She rapidly became much more aware of when she was weeing and felt slightly wet, so she would ask to be changed. I would talk about how it would feel more comfortable to go in the potty.
I also tried to get her to sit on the potty when I went to the toilet.

The method that has worked with DD is to 'award' chocolate buttons.

Sitting on the potty and trying to go- 1 button

Trying to get to the potty and getting some in 1 button

successful wee in potty 2 buttons.

After the first 2-3 of days, once they've got the hang of it, then you can cut it down to just giving 1 button for a successful wee and none for accidents.

I did try stickers at first, but not surprisingly, the chocolate buttons worked much better

Sorry, this is quite an essay HTH

Original poster

HumphreyCobbler · 04/03/2010 19:58

I just typed a long message which disappeared into the ether - but thank you so much for all your responses. Lots of ideas to try.

GaelicSheep, your story is particularly consoling.

The thing is, we have never even really tried to train him due to his extreme resistance to the very idea. I am reassured that we will get there in the end after all your replies.

OP posts:

gegs73 · 04/03/2010 20:07

Can you bribe him with something he really likes when he is sitting there. DS2 was VERY reluctant but loves it when his brother plays the wii. Sooooo I got rather good at Mario Karts whilst he sat there watching on the potty. If he got off too soon, I turned it off. He will sit on it now, though he is still not properly potty trained. I also got him a bigger potty too which I think helped.

Loosemo · 04/03/2010 20:39

My son did better with a chair-type potty than a more traditionally shaped one. He used to like to hold on to the sides and 'hover' over it so he could watch himself going.

We also did puzzles with him endlessly to get him to sit on it for any length of time and rewarded him with a choc button for any 'hits' (no matter how small).

He was only just 2 when we started and he was quite anti, but we just told him that this was the way to do it and stuck to our guns. We bought him Thomas and His Friends pants to encourage him away from nappies and only popped him into pull ups when we were going to be out for a long time or going on a long car journey.

He's now 2.9 and happily uses either a potty or a toilet, although he's a long way from being dry overnight.

gaelicsheep · 04/03/2010 22:29

Glad to be of service HC!

I just remembered the other thing that helped in the end. A Fisher Price musical potty! I remember buying it over a year ago in desperation, not because of the musical bit but because it was potty, toilet seat and step stool in one, and bigger/more comfortable than the little Mothercare one he hated. I was sooo embarrassed collecting it from the Argos counter! But honestly, once he'd finally gone on there and heard the "music" that really helped encourage him as well. Good luck!

JaynieB · 05/03/2010 21:20

Oh gaelicsheep I wish my DD had 'got it' like your little one did - she has successfully used the potty/toilet quite a few times, but pretty much on her own terms! But she simply does not want to give up wearing nappies...
I've tried boot camp tactics, fancy pants (hello kitty & charlie and lola (no actual Charlie though) big potty/small potty, toilet, bribery, sitting for ages reading etc...But have had to come to the conclusion that odds are she will come round eventually! She is fascinated by what is in her nappy though and is particuarly insistent on having a look

gaelicsheep · 05/03/2010 22:23

JaynieB - I think we went through that phase about three times and swiftly gave up because we all got fed up with it.

JaynieB · 05/03/2010 22:27

I'm just going along with offering the toilet/potty and being very pleased when she uses it but not really making much of a fuss if she doesn't. I'm not doing a 'boot camp' thing again, it might work for some people but my DD just got very upset.
I feel pretty relaxed about it though and reckon she'll get there in the end.

wuglet · 05/03/2010 22:30

Would he use the toilet?
Maybe even have him stood and give him something to hit in the bowl??

DD was just the same - was totally ready to be trained from about 2.6 - ie would announce in advance that she was weeing etc, but never once went on the potty.

We finally cracked her it when she was around 3.2 butshe went straight to the loo.

TBH if it is a total stress I would let it lie for a bit.

gomez · 05/03/2010 22:31

Having read no other answer and based solely on the title - leave him and try again in a few months time. It is so not worth the effort or indeed the pissed pants.

icantbelieveimnotbitter · 10/03/2010 16:17

Watching this thread with interest too. I've just given up with DS 3.2 after trying for the last 5 weeks. He will happily wee on the potty or loo, but refuses point blank to poo on it and has never and still wont tell us when he needs to go. Started by leaving him for 1 hour and it went really well, but now if we leave him more than 30mins he just goes in pants. Tried Chocolate, stickers, promise of toys, thomas pants, getting cross , not getting cross. Last couple of days he's just asking for nappies. Shall leave it for few weeks for my own sanity then try again.

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