I just don't know what to do.

Cadelaide · 2010-03-02T10:03:12+00:00

DS is 3.8 and has been out of nappies for 6 weeks. However, he will not go near a toilet or a potty, he just wees in his pants. 6 weeks of weeing in his pants and I honestly can't see it changing. He has *never* weed in a potty (or similar). Yesterday we chose some stickers together and I put a towel over his potty seat, the idea being a sticker each time he uses it. He just said "i'm not doing ^that^" and walked away. I have cajoled, bribed, ignored...nothing works. At nursery he has been holding on *all* *day* (he goes to nursey 9-3 two days a week), and today he didn't want to go to nursery at all. I think the whole toilet thing is causing him anxiety and so I put a nappy on him and he seemed happier. But what do I do now?

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Set a reminder

Hassled · 02/03/2010 10:07

My DCs were never impressed by stickers - if I wanted to bribe them it had to be something a bit better than a sticker. Can you think of something he's more likely to co-operate over? Something he's really obsessed with?

Failing that - a long hard talk about how he'll be starting school soon and nappies are just NOT ALLOWED in schools?

Would he be more co-operative just going straight to a toilet?

Original poster

Cadelaide · 02/03/2010 10:19

Thanks Hassled.

TBH I've tried it all. I've offered every imaginable place to wee. I've offered every imaginable incentive.

I'm really, really stuck now. He's utterly intractable. I need some clever psychological tricks I think.

But what?

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Hassled · 02/03/2010 10:23

Every time he wets himself, do you go and get dry clothes and change him? Could you make him do it himself? Then it would be much more inconvenient for him, and that's more of a motivation to get trained.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 02/03/2010 10:28

why did you choose to take the nappies away?

Original poster

Cadelaide · 02/03/2010 10:34

hassled, that's a very good idea.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl, because he has control, knows when he needs to wee, will be going to school in september.

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Original poster

Cadelaide · 02/03/2010 13:25

Cmon you people.

I know these threads are boring but I need you.

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Joolyjoolyjoo · 02/03/2010 13:35

Can you get him to help choose a potty? Or offer him an incentive just to sit on it? Mine used to get allowed to sit on the potty for long stretches watching a favourite dvd.

Or does he have any little (or slightly bigger) friends who are happy to show off using a potty/ toilet? My ds is only 2.3, and I am a bit loathe to start potty training until the weather is slightly less inclement, but he wants to sit on the potty/ toilet, because he sees his big sisters doing it.

Original poster

Cadelaide · 02/03/2010 13:40

Thanks jooly, I really do think I've tried it all.

I'm thinking about going back to nappies but I can't see his stance changing in the near future tbh. That's what worries me.

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Journey · 02/03/2010 13:58

The bottom line is children do things at their own pace. One day he will use the toilet and you will probably never know what the trigger was. It is very frustrating for you but you just need to stay calm (easier said than done) and wait for that day.

In the meantime, it sounds to me that he is scared of the toilet and he needs a bit of reassurance. When it is storytime perhaps suggest to him that you could read him a story while he is on the toilet. Don't talk about weeing just focus on the story. Alternatively ask him what he would like Mummy to do when he needs the toilet. For instance, flushing the toilet, lifting him on the loo so that he feels that you are supporting him.

I feel for you because it took my DS ages to do a poo in the toilet. At times I was nearly in tears and then one day it just happened. No idea why!

369thegoosedrankwine · 02/03/2010 14:42

I feel for you too. It took ages for my DS to have a poo in the potty. He would hold on all day and wait until night-time and he had a nappy on and do one then.

I tried the picking a potty, stickers etc and this amounted to nothing. This is what worked for me (and was quite accidental):

I was wrapping a chirstmas gift of a Spiderman Transformer (not for him, too old a toy really) (DS was 3.2). DS was transfixed by this toy. I pretended to read the box and said that this was only for big boys who did poos on the potty, but left it on display all afternoon on the table. He kept picking it up and looking at it and we talked about how good it would be to play with. About an hour later he told me he needed a poo on the potty and that was the start of it.

I have to say that I have had to insentivise further when he has regressed slightly. When he started nursery he regressed so I spent Â£5 on hot wheels cars, put them in a bag and told him he could have one when he did a poo. Eventually he stopped asking for a toy and now he just goes when he needs to.

I am not saying that this is right for everyone, and I know that I might be considered to have indulged him, but I would do it all again as I was literally at my wits end with it all.

Good luck and hope that this hels.

Original poster

Cadelaide · 02/03/2010 21:05

Now that just might work, 369.

He just needs a nudge, but it has to be subtle, and I love your "reading" the box.

I'll report back.

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Bilbomum · 03/03/2010 10:15

I'm watching this one with interest Cadelaide, ds is 3.6 and I've got exactly the same problem. He knows when he needs to go but point blank refuses to use the potty or toilet. We had a four day stand off when he either wet his pants all day or alternatively withheld for 12 hours! He's got great bladder control at least... .

It all got very confrontational so I ended up doing a tactical withdrawal to try think of new strategies. We've tried the jar of sweets in the bathroom but dh and I have now finished them and he didn't seem bothered. I thought maybe a sticker chart and big bag of presents might be a better incentive. I think once he gives in and starts going he'll get the hange of it very quickly but I need something to get him over that mental block he has.

Sorry not to add constructive 'I've been there and sorted it' advice but I do feel your pain!

Bilbomum · 03/03/2010 10:15

I'm watching this one with interest Cadelaide, ds is 3.6 and I've got exactly the same problem. He knows when he needs to go but point blank refuses to use the potty or toilet. We had a four day stand off when he either wet his pants all day or alternatively withheld for 12 hours! He's got great bladder control at least... .

It all got very confrontational so I ended up doing a tactical withdrawal to try think of new strategies. We've tried the jar of sweets in the bathroom but dh and I have now finished them and he didn't seem bothered. I thought maybe a sticker chart and big bag of presents might be a better incentive. I think once he gives in and starts going he'll get the hange of it very quickly but I need something to get him over that mental block he has.

Sorry not to add constructive 'I've been there and sorted it' advice but I do feel your pain!

Bilbomum · 03/03/2010 10:16

oops, sorry don't know how I did that...

mumof2rugrats · 03/03/2010 17:40

hi im having the same problem with my dd2 she s 2.10 and we have been trying for 3 weeks now and she just holds her wee in or wets herself we had started just no nappy at home and iv tried bribing her today i had enough and told her she will have to use her potty as im not putting a nappy on her she wet herself but by lunch time she had high temp so the nappy went back on and now i guess im back to square 1

Original poster

Cadelaide · 03/03/2010 17:48

Bilbo, it sounds as tho you are in exactly the same postion as us.

Shall I bring the nappies back, d'you think? Is that what you've done?

It can't be much fun for him, 6 wks of pant-wetting and holding on.

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JoTheUnsure · 10/03/2010 22:22

We were bullied into getting our DS (now 5) out of nappies at the nursery 9it wasn't convenient for them). But he clearly wasn't ready, so we just forgot about it and tried again a few months later (he may have been 3 1/2 when it all funally sunk in).

He never really used a potty, though. I bought 'aiming balls' (Sainsuburys sell them - they just float and don't flush away) for the loo and he seemed quite impressed with them. And the obligatory sticker charts and cool, character pants..

I'd honetsly suggest give it a rest for a while. We were all getting stressed the first time round and it wasn't helping anyone. The second time (when we thought he was more interested) it worked.

Best of luck, and don't let it get you down!