help! week four and he still won't poo in the potty

[kissmummy]

how long would you persevere? he is 2.7 years old.
wees are fine, but he simply will not poo in the potty. he seems to have good intentions; certainly understands that's what we want him to do; and yet he just keeps doing it in his pants . we've tried bribery (didn't work); reward chart (didn't work) even watching a DVD on the potty which keeps him sitting there but doesn't seem to produce any poo. (he sat there for 15 minutes producing nothing; so we gave up. 5 minutes later, poo in pants.)
Slightly at wits end. Do we persevere or give up for a couple of months? am v reluctant to throw in the towel after making so much progress with the wees, but it is fairly traumatic dealing with poos in pants when we're out and about.

No, you can't go back if his wees are sorted. We have the same problem, except my dd (just 3) just holds on to them. She was doing them in her pants, but I told her off (I know - goes against all the books) and she stopped. Then she was waiting til night when she has a nappy on to do it, but I told her I didn't want her to do that, so she stopped. And now she won't do them at all. Bribery didn't work with us either, by the way.

My latest plan is just to ignore it, and not give her the attention. Obviously if she does a poo in the potty then I will lavish her with attention, but until then I'm not making a big deal about it. Does this sound crazy? I'm not sure what else to do!

Incidentally, what do you say to him when he poos his pants?

I had exactly the same problem with DS1 who will be 4 in a couple of weeks. He bypassed the potty for wees and went straight to standing up and weeing in the loo at 2.7 but he absolutely refused to entertain doing a poo on the potty and was borderline hysterical every time I suggested it. He clearly had the control though as he never pooed his pants, he just asked for a nappy when we got home

I was on here asking for help time after time and nothing worked. If I refused a nappy, he'd initially just do it in his pants as he knew I'd have to change him, then he started waiting until his bedtime nappy, then he started holding it in for 3/4 days at a time, which resulted in monster poos which really hurt his little bottom.

I went to the GP and asked for a referral to the paediatric constipation clinic (most bigger hospitals have them) but lo and behold before we even got the appointment through, he came home from pre school one day and said "I'm just going for a poo on the toilet" as though it was no big deal and he's been 100% fine ever since.

I'm afraid the bad news is that this only happened last month, so it basically took 17 months from when he was toilet trained for wees. Utterly ludicrous I know, but I suppose he just had to be ready himself. I haven't got to the bottom of his phobia but it's like it never happened now.

They are ready when they are ready and I don't think you can force it. Mine is a fairly extreme case but we are proof that you will get there eventually!

0h crikey, two i just can't imagine 17 months of cleaning up poos in pants!
when he poos in his pants i say: *oh [his name]. have you done a poo in your pants? mummy's not happy. Mummy's really sad. why didn't you tell mummy you needed a poo? you need to do it in the potty" etc. I admit i say it in a slightly whiney/disappointed voice but not an angry one. Is this the right thing to say? i'm not sure it helps things really. i think it's more about me letting my own frustration out. I don't think saying nothing at all critical is an option though?

My DD did exactly what nicebumbum's did at first and just keep it in until she got a nappy on for bedtime. She did this for about 5 months.

I keep her in knickers and I encouraged her to go on the toilet, but she would get hysterical.

So in the end I just stopped actively encouraging her, but every time I went to the toilet I took her with me and explained in lovely great detail what I was doing and how I felt.

I totally overplayed how NICE and lovely and clean it was to poo on the toilet, how much fun it was flushing the loo and waving bye bye to your poo, how doing a poo in your nappy / pants didn't feel nice and could give you a sore bum (nappy rash). And told her when she was a big girl and she felt ready she could poo the toilet /potty too.

Then one day after 5 months she just did it and after that it clicked and she's been fine since.

So my advice would be to just keep gently encouraging and he will do it in his own time. However, I imagine it must be harder for you if your DS is doing it in his pants, my DD did this only occasionally.

Worst day so far today. A poo in her bedtime nappy first thing this morning (because she'd been holding it in all the previous day) and then three poos in pants. I feel like we're going backwards now! Poo goes to Pooland didn't work either, although she loved the story.

kissmummy, that is very restrained of you! Today I said 'Right, I am SICK of clearing up smelly, messy poos from your pants. You do it in the potty, you hear? All of your nice pink pants will be ruined if you keep on doing this.' What a great mum I am. Truth is, I have run out of ideas now. Ignoring it doesn't work, cajoling doesn't work, and neither does cross mummy (although she cries).

twosofar, I find your reply strangely comforting, as at least I'm probably not going to have a 14yo who won't poo in the toilet!

My dd totally refused to poo in the potty or on the loo for 18 months. Exactly the same as everyone elses posts, holding in, crying, waiting for evening nappy. She eventually told me that she wasn't big enough to poo on the loo or potty and would do it when she was bigger. I still nagged, but lo and behold, just before her 4th birthday when I despaired of ever getting through this, she walked into the room announcing she had just done a poo in the toilet. I was underwhelmed as she had announced this on many previous occasions but hadn't (she was probably just trying to shut me up). However I was wrong. And we haven't looked back. Probably not quite what you want to read but hth.

Kissmummy, just to be clear i did not clear up poo in pants for 17 months - perish the thought! He did it twice in his pants and then started holding it in for so long that he got tummy ache and grey looking skin so I reinstated the nappies. I just didn't see the point of him torturing himself and he's a stubborn little monkey so it was becoming a battle of wills and he was just miserable the whole time.
So, it was loo for wees and nappy for poos for what seemed forever until like I said, he just got on the loo one day like nothing had ever happened, did a huge poo, wiped his own bottom and got off again. I was speechless and he was so brilliantly nonchalent it was hilarious.
I thought I was the only one in this situation but clearly Alaro's DD had an identical trauma. I truly couldn't ever see a day when he'd use the toilet proprly but it just came out the blue... it will happen I promise!

Kissmummy, this is very normal indeed. Often they feel a bit overwhelmed at doing a poo as the feelings it creates are quite intense, so they feel safer with a nappy on for that bit.

It usually takes a few months to catch up with being able to wee in the potty.

Don;'t make a fuss or panic, it will make him worse - he'll start thinking it is an issue, when really it isn't, it just another phase. He is just a bit younger than mine and you really have a long time before it becomes anything other than normal.
Let him have a nappy on for poos, or just generally if you anticipate one is likely!

Honestly - stop stressing.

Btw we have random nappy free times at home but always wears a nappy when we go out. It's just easier as he will wee or poo in the potty at home, (usually anyway!) but out somewhere, he is easily distracted and might forget.

Take the pressure off and definitely leave out the 'mummy is sad' bit!!! They all get there eventually, seriously, potty training is so overrated and unnecessary imo. I have never bothered with it, either time. It's like trying to make them crawl or walk or something, you can't, they just do it by themselves when it 'clicks'. Any trying to force it is just going to result in incredible stress.

I agree with Flightattendant. No point in stressing, it will click when they are ready.

It took DS a few days to get the hang of wees, but 3 months or so for poos.

DD seems to be taking longer - she seemed to be getting there, then she had a tummy bug, and so she went right back to poo in the pants most of the time. In her head she knows what to do - we ask her "where do poos go?" and she replies "in the potty" or "in the loo". On the rare occasion we happen to catch one in the potty, she is visibly happy and gives herself a little clap or does a little dance. I guess it takes a while to link up the feeling that one is coming, together with being about to physically get to the potty in time.

Changing the poos isn't exactly great, but it's just part and parcel of taking care of DD as she grows up and learn. FWIW, we sometimes cut off and bin the pants (particularly if out and about), then treat it like a nappy change, with DD lying down (she doesn't much like it, but tough).