Dry at nursery, wetting himself at home

[Poshpaws]

DS3 (almost 3) was potty trained in 3 days at 2 and a half. All great...or so we thought.

Over the last 2 months or so, he has been miss rather than hit at home. He will poo in the toilet but only wee in the toilet/potty occasionally. e do remind him and he says 'No, I don't need to go' then he pees. This is not always the scenario. A lot of the time, he just pees where he is sitting/standing. However, at nursery, he is always dry, we have not had to collect him in a different set of trousers for months. The problem has not coincided with him starting nursery.

DH is getting crosser, I am more patient, but am beginning to get annoyed. DS3 knows what he has done, when we point it out to him, he mostly seems quite matter of fact about it.

Any ideas to help would be great.

It isn't an idea to help I'm afraid but thought you might take a shred of comfort from not being alone. Your child is a lot younger than mine and has been training for loads less time. I'm sure he will get better soon - it's still pretty early days I'd say.

Sorry that I can't offer any ideas. If I had a clue I wouldn't need to keep reading this bloody forum.

Hi. My daughter is exactly the same. She has no problem at nursery but refuses to let me know when she needs to pee at home and continually wets herself. She is 3 and has been 'trained' for about a year. She doesn't seem stressed and keeps telling me that she won't wet herself again. Any ideas would be very welcome too!

Sorry, Poshpaws, another one in the same boat here. Just joining in for the hell of it. My son is 2.7 and does exactly the same (except he also poos in his pants at home). No bribery will make him use the potty. But at nursery, as good as gold. No idea what to do.

Surely someone has been through this and come out smiling??

Reading this because 20 months DS has the opposite problems and wanted to see if there was a pattern somwhere. We're on our 4th week of potty training - he is completely accident free at home or when out and about or when left with other people for short periods of time. But at nursery, he has accidents non-stop, we're lucky if he manages to go on the potty once! Nursery has now suggested quitting, but that seems so wrong because DS is accident free with us and enjoys potty training.

At home, I find that we don't struggle because we have the occasional staged family toilet time, i.e. "Right, potty time everyone.." or "potty time before going out to the park", followed by lots of praises, sticker chart or coins for his piggy bank. DS loves it so much he would always ask for the potty and even goes on his own if his pants aren't on. Hope this helps..

another one here, DD has been out of nappies day and night since christmas, it was going really well until the beginning of last month and has been getting worse and worse, but we are out a lot and has never had an accident out of the home. she is 2.10y.

do you think if we keep bumping this thread every now and then then we may eventualy find someone that can help? lol

IN THE SAME BOAT GUY'S!!!!!!!!!! MY SON IS 2 AND HALF AND HAS BEEN POTTY TRAINED FOR 6 MONTHS(NOT AT NIGHT) HE TOOK TO THE POTTY LIKE A DUCK TO WATER, AND WITHIN A MONTH WAS PRACTICLY ACCIDENT FREE, UNTIL 10 DAYS AGO OUT OF NOWHERE HE HAS BEEN CONSTANTLY WETTING HIMSELF, BUT ONLY AT HOME, WHEN HE HAS BEEN TO NURSERY(WHICH HE HAS BEEN GOING TO FOR OVER A YEAR) HE STAYS DRY!!!! I TOOK HIM TO THE DOCTORS AND HE GAVE HIM ANTIBIOTICS INCASE THERE WAS AN INFECTION, BUT WE FINISHED THOSE 3 DAYS AGO AND HE IS STILL THE SAME, NO TRAUMAS, NO NEW BABIES NO CHANGES, SO WHAT IS THIS?????

I work with children and have none of my own so I'm giving you advice based on chidlren I work with.

If they are having accidents at home then it's ebcause a) they don't want/know how to ask/where to go b)they are too engrossed in what they are doing activity wise c) nursery workers are not prompting them or missing the 'wee dance'.

If they are weeing at home it's generally for attention if they are otherwise dry but can be due to distractions / plain laziness (going to the loo is a pain in the bum, think how often you hold it in because your just doing something).

Make changes as boring as possible, don't tell off, get cross, etc just "oh no let's clean you up" no talking until after it's cleaned and no playing / watching TV during the cleaning up operation. Make clean up take as long as possible so that they learn if they have an accident it takes a long time to be able to play again. Do this by getting them to help clean up, get clean clothes, put on new clothes etc.

Some parents do this thing (I forget the name) where you are a bit mean without the child realising. So they have an accident at the table for eg, you go from the table to the toilet and make them have a wee (obviously nothing comes out). Then you put back on the wet pants, go back to the table so, "we can practice going to the toilet" and do 2 more practices. Then you change the wet clothes taking as long as possible. The theory being that although it might be faster/easier to pee in your pants it takes a long long time to get back to playing so in the long run it's easier just to go to wee!

This approach is quite hardcore and children do get upset so only do it if you've ruled out things with your GP and your child is consistently dry (6 months plus+) at another venue and if the above approach hasn't worked once you've tried it for 6 weeks.

Also if you think they need a wee make them go I know 5 year olds who do the wee dance and when you ask they don't need a wee then 2 seconds later are "bursting".

If that doesn't work your on your own!

HTH

excuse the typos I was typing fast as I promised myself an early night and am supposed to be in bed!

Is it full-day nursery or pre-school? DD2 usually has accidents late afternoon when she's tired, by which time she's always at home. I think they also have more of a 'toilet routine' at nursery where they all go at snack time or before lunch etc.

We have had this with DD (now 2.6). They started potty training her (without really telling us they were doing it before xmas and they told us that she was really good at using the potty at nursery. But if I tried taking her nappy off at home she would get upset and invariably wet herself. I asked nursery to back off the potty training because I felt she wasn't ready and she was getting a bit upset about it all.

I'm now potty training her at home and nursery and it seems to be going better (touch wood).

I do think it's a complicated business for little ones and there are all sorts of emotional factors at play. I think my DD wanted to be like the other "big girls" at nursery and she wanted to do wees on the potty like them. But at home she still wanted to by our little baby and obviously didn't feel ready to be a big girl. I also think nurseries are often quite structured about potty/nappy change time and the kids see other kids using the potty so often that it's a constant reminder to them that maybe they need to go too.

Don't worry. I think it's completely normal. Just don't push it. They'll do it when they're ready

Hi there, I am a nanny with 12 years experience and from my professional opinion, it sounds like a behavioural problem rather than anything psychological. Don't be alarmed by that as this is a good thing. Your son is displaying that he is quite capable of staying dry so he and you know he can do it.
It would be interesting to know how you react when he does this?
What I would recommend is regressing your training a little and instead of allowing him to decide when he needs to go, you routinely take him to the loo every 15 mins. Setting a funny alarm on your phone at 15 minute intervals will add an element of fun to it. Even if he doesn't have a wee give him lost of praise and encouragement. (stickers are great)
If he does have an accident, try not to make a fuss, do not display negative feelings, simply say oh dear and take him to the toilet and put him on the loo while you clear up the mess.
I hope that helps x