I am losing the will to live!

[Limelight]

I've been toilet training my DS (2.8) for over six months now (on and off) and we've hit a rut I think. We've tried sticker charts, chocolate buttons, running round the house whooping for every success, being calm for every accident, bought every character / colour big boy pant there is but we're still not there.

I think the problem is that he gets bored with it and won't quite commit in the long term. So we'll have a week where he's completely dry and we think he's cracked it, but then the following week we're back to square one. For example last week he had two accidents all week. In comparison this morning (and it's only 10am), he's wee-ed in his pants once, wee-ed on the floor twice, and done a poo on the floor.

There's def a bit of an issue with doing poos on the toilet fullstop (I don't think he's ever used our loo for a poo although he will at his childminders interestingly), and he's not great at telling us when he needs a wee etc. We're still reliant on putting him on the loo periodically. Every time is a fight until he gets there at which point it's the most exciting thing in the world. He loves his big boy pants and is horrified at the idea of wearing nappies again.

Do you know what? I think I've reached the point where I can't see the wood for the trees anymore and need a bit of kind MNer advice. My fixed 'never mind, let's use the toilet next time' grin is starting to look a bit fixed . Do I insist he goes back into nappies (he'll hate this) and start again in a couple of months?

Heeelllpppp!!!

Hmm well ok my DD took about 2 years to get to grips with Potty Training and she was 4.5 when it was finally all ok and no accidents (well about 1 a month or less). My DS on the other hand at 3.5 decided to be dry and that's that he is.

Does the childminder do anything different to get him on the toilet?
Would he prefer to go on the potty? We leave a Potty in the room DS is playing in and he uses it and then tells me afterwards so I can clean it up. He likes the fact that I don't have to help him.

With DD we found routine worked best (we tried all that you did) Set times of day that we would take her to the toilet/potty so that it became habit.

Would having a few nappies around remind him that it's toilet or nappies? Can you be a bit harsh and if he throws a wobbly say ok Nappy time then?

Part of me says leave it for now but the other part says that as you've started you may as well continue.

Good luck it's never easy to know which to do but just think it'll all be ok by the time they get to school!

hey limelight we have been pt our 2.7 ds since he was 2 properly that is. he is brilliant with wees not so keen on poos either though. he does 1 poo a day and hes trained himself to do it in his nappy in the morning before he gets out of bed. i see it as theres nothing i can do and he will do it when hes ready.
i dont think you should give up as hes obviously ready. if he has an issue it wont go away when you start pt again.
is it possible hes playing games with you/maybe a power struggle?
have a chat with childminder about every little thing she does with him. it could be something as small as certain words she uses that comfort him.
do use pull ups or proper pants? i personally disagree with pull ups as it still feels like a nappy.
could you go back to basics, whack the heating up a bit and let he go bare bum
does he see you going to the loo?
do you have any other children?
we started taking our ds out in car with no nappy and he seems to be ok so we started putting him down for his hr nap without a nappy too and fingers crossed its going to go ok too.

Hi! My DS - exactly same age - is going through the same thing. I have done everything in the same way as you, but have now started to get a bit grumpy when he keeps having accidents. We are on a 3 accident policy now - if he has 3 in a row, it is back to a nappy until the next day. I am heavily pregnant and just have not got the patience or energy to keep up with the cleaning/washing required!

Sorry that advice is not more helpful, but just wanted to sympathise with you! Hope you get him sorted out soon!

I am having the same problem, my son is 3 in April and I have been potty training since last August. Also tried charts, stickers, buttons, ect. He will use a potty and a toddler toilet seat, but will never ask, will say 'no, no, no', lots of fuss if I try to toilet him, but when I do get him on the loo he almost always performs, so he does want to go. If stripped below the waist, he will take himself, he is brilliant, if in clothes, he will just wet or poo himself. It wears you down, and I just wanted to say there are lots of us in the same boat. My thoughts are that you just have to persist, toddlers have a will of steel and in a battle of wills, you always have to win. You never meet a ten year old in nappies.

Hi Limelight, just wanted to say that I sympathise. I had much the same issue with my DS at a similar age - he is now 6 and totally clean and dry has been for a while. It can be so frustrating as you feel like it is taking over your life, it can become all consuming and the problem with that is your relationship with DS becomes about the toilet and a battle of wills.

Things started to improve for us when we took the pressure off the situation. We did not go back to nappies but gave him control by saying things, in the morning, like "As you are such a big boy, wearing pants, it is up to you to go to the toilet when you need to, mummy isn't going to keep reminding you". Then stick to that - resist the urge to remind - i only reminded before we went out. There were accidents of the wee and poo kind, but i did not say much just quietly and calmly issued instruction to him to take off his wet/dirty pants & trousers and get changed. I think by my non reaction and the realisation that there were consequences to not using the toilet, he did make improvements. At least there was no battle of wills and he could not use it as a control mechanism - so I felt calmer and it immediately became less of an issue.

It does not help at the moment to say that he will get it - but he will! Talk to the childminder as well so that you can be consistent. Most importantly don't let it rule your life - good luck!