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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Potty training regression turned into a battle of wills!

12 replies

GoldenSnitch · 10/02/2010 09:31

DS potty trained himself just after his 2nd Birthday. All of a sudden, he hated being wet or dirty and would ask to be changed and when we got a potty, he got very good, very fast at telling me when he needed to go. We dropped potties quite quickly and got a seat for the loo at home and a potette for while out and about (he used to worry about falling in) which he was akways very excited about using. Recently, he's been happy sitting on the big loo seat when we're not at home but likes his Thomas loo seat when we're here.

Fast forward to 8 weeks ago when his sister was born. He is now a month off his 3rd birthday....

He's regressed to at first weeing and now pooing in his pants again. He will not even mention that he needs to go till afterwards.

I've been calm and patient, changing him without a word and getting on with things.

I've been annoyed and changed him calmly but told him that he must tell Mummy when he needs to go next time.

I've been angry and changed him calmly but told him he was naughty

Yesterday, I even left him in his wet trousers for a while to show him how yucky wet trousers feel and ignored him so his wetting wasn't getting him any attention

He's chosen the kitchen table as his new area to go in. He'll run off and hide under the table to wee or poo then come back when he's done. If I catch him there then sometimes I can get him to the loo on time. I've gone back to using our training rewards of a jelly bean whenever we have a successful visit to the loo. I've gotten the potty back out and put it by the table so it's there if he wants to go. I've even moved the table as much as I can to make it less familiar and hopefully less inviting and at least given him head room to sit on the potty.

But this morning I found him on hands and knees in the kitchen doorway straining for a poo!!

I rushed in and whisked him upstairs and sat him on the loo but it was too late (thank goodness he still had his night time pull ups on!) We talked and I told him he should have told Mummy that he needed to go and that it was naughty. He wanted to watch Alladin and I've told him he can't because he pooed himself.

I'm finding it really hard to cope with his wetting and soiling himself on top of a new baby. I feel like we've failed. We tried really hard to prepare him before DD was born and read books and talked and made all changes well in advance so she was the only new thing - and he loves her, always wants to hold her, tells me if she's crying cause he's concerned.... Since she's been born, we've tried really hard to carry on as normal and give him attention. DH took 3 weeks off work to be with us so we could support him and I started driving 4 weeks after my section so we could get back into out normal routine asap. I even asked MIL to have DD on Monday morning so we could go to his swimming lesson without her and had a really nice time together.

But nothing is helping. It's almost as if he is doing it on purpose. I cannot give him more one to one attention than I am. As hard as I try, I do have an exclusively breastfed 8 week old to care for too!

Help me please! How do I fix this? It's driving me crazy

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GoldenSnitch · 10/02/2010 09:46

Should also mention. Sunday, his GP's who he adores, took him to see both his Aunties and their children - who he adores - for the morning.

He spent half the day being the center of attention because he is the baby of the family and came home happy and content. Nanny and Grandad stayed for dinner and we all played with him while DD slept.

At one point, he ran off and pee-ed himself under the table!!

He had 4 adults to himself and couldn't have been getting more attention!

Had a chat with him this morning and talked about how he must tell Mummy when he needs a wee. Went upstairs to get dressed for Toddler Group and noticed his trousers were damp. Asked him why they were wet and he said "I wee-ed myself"

I walked off.

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GoldenSnitch · 10/02/2010 10:33

Please someone help - I'm falling apart here!

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NellyTheElephant · 10/02/2010 11:46

I would suggest a week back in nappies / pull ups with absolutely no comment at all or asking about wees or poos or anything. Then when you are feeling a tiny bit stronger go back to potty training as if you were doing it for the first time (excited, rewards etc etc). I had a v similar experience with DD2. She potty trained quickly and easily just before she was two. She was clean and dry for over 5 months. Then not long after DS was born she regressed. I was going completely mad and couldn't cope with tiny baby and poo everywhere from DD2. After about 2 disastrous weeks during which i was losing it, I put her back in nappies. This lasted 2 days before she had a melt down about nappies and categorically refused to wear one, so i said if she wanted to go back into pants she had to start using the loo again. We went back to sticker chart and chocolate rewards for 5 stickers and within 2 days she was absolutely fine again.

Even if your DS is happy to return to nappies then that is fine too. Tell him the nappies are just for a short time and that in a few days you will go back to pants. Pressure off, see if he starts telling you again. If not, then after after a week or so start potty training again - it'll be quick and easy.

Same happened to my sil after her new baby, she also put her 2 yr old back in nappies for a week or so before slowly phasing them out again. It was her who advised me to put my DD2 back in nappies for a bit.

bubblagirl · 10/02/2010 11:57

my friend had this problem when new baby was born her older child wanted to revert back to being baby so could get more of mums attention

put him back in nappies for now and then start again in few weeks make some special time for you both and lots of praise when you feel ready start again

his still quite young all he knows is there is a baby getting all the attention and probably bit jealous quite rightly so really when there young they don't understand why there no longer centre of attention

just amke some special 1-1 time and then get reward going again and start again for now it'll be easier on you all to step back slightly its not unusual its very common

bumpybecky · 10/02/2010 12:01

I agree with both the posts above, time to go back into nappies for a bit

Lots of chats and stories about things that big boys do that babies can't do (eat proper food, read books, watch tv, bake cakes, painting, play in the park etc etc) with the aim if making him see the advantages of being 3 not 8 weeks!

Good luck

GoldenSnitch · 10/02/2010 12:34

Can't go back to nappies after 8 months!!

Plus, he knows he's going - he goes to the kitchen especially - he just won't tell me or try going to the loo himself.

He can do it - is doing it - he's just choosing the wrong place

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GoldenSnitch · 10/02/2010 12:45

He's just begged me to get him out of his wet bottoms!

And then told me he needed a wee and we went to the loo and did one.

Going back to nappies would just be a step backwards and allow him to wet more than he does already

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bubblagirl · 10/02/2010 13:32

to be honest i had to go back using nappies after ds being able for nearly a yr but by the time he was 3.6 he went to pre school in pants and was no looking back after that sometimes you just have to

if you do decide to stick it out then just ignore accidents if he wees take him straight to sit on toilet every time he wets himself and remind him this is where really big boys wee not in pants like a baby and remind him how big and clever he is

GoldenSnitch · 10/02/2010 15:54

I think nappies would make being wet too comfortable by pulling the moisture away.

He hates wet clothes so they're likely to be much more off-putting.

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GoldenSnitch · 10/02/2010 17:16

Whoo Hoo!! DS just said "Mummy, I need a wee" before he did one and we had time to get to the loo and everything!!

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NellyTheElephant · 11/02/2010 09:36

Really glad to hear it seems to be sorting itself out - but if it all goes pear shaped again don't rule out going back to nappies. I know it feels like a huge step back - I was ADAMANT I couldn't put DD2 back in nappies after nearly 6 months being completely accident free, but as I said in my previous post when I gave in put her back in nappies and stopped the battle of wills everything was completely sorted after 2 days. Truth is your DS probably has no more desire to be back in nappies than you have to put him in them. So by just saying enough is enough in respect of the accidents, putting him back in nappies and taking the pressure off it is likely that he will want to be back in pants and will make the effort (as my DD did).

GoldenSnitch · 11/02/2010 21:22

He was absolutely perfect today. Told me in advnace and stayed clean and dry all day.

He's like a different boy.

DH said he had a word with him this morning but I can't believe it made that much of a difference!

We've had a lovely day today - hoping for another one tomorrow

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