dd (3.2) has full control but never used potty / toilet

[annady]

Hello,
My dc (3y2m) has full bladder / bowel control but can't seem to physically bring herself to wee / poo on the potty, or toilet, at all.
She can go for hours in pants, and has never had an accident, but will eventually get in a panic when she needs the toilet, until I give her a nappy (or she'll even put one on herself) to wee in. Then she'll want it off again.
She'll sit on the potty / toilet okay, and I've even tried putting a nappy over the potty to reassure / encourage her that way. I've also tried making the connection with her weeing in the bath (i.e. no nappy there) but that hasn't helped either.
She wants to wear pants, seems ready / aware in every other way, but just can't seem to bring herself to do the toilet without a nappy as security.
I'm sure if she manages it even once it'll be easier for her but I'm not sure how to help this happen.
Does anyone have any experience of this?
Thank you,
A x

My ds1 was exactly the same... He is now 12 and it is all a fading memory but I can remember finding it very stressful especially as well meaning friends and family were convinced that he was manipulating me somehow.

He cannot really provide any more insight on the issue today than he could back then but he did not seem afraid of the toilet and could not wee in a potty either.

One day he really needed to wee in town and I didn't have a nappy available. I thought that it would be worth it to try in the public toilets and it worked.

Not too sure that anything I have said is helpful but you are not alone.

Have just been through exactly the same thing. DD1 could hold in almost all day - she would sit on the toilet but never did a wee. I was worried about bladder and kidney infections so I got her to sit on the toilet in a pull-up and do a wee in the pull-up - she had total control and could wee on demand. Then once she'd got used to that, I started to cut up the pull-ups so some of the wee went into the toilet. At first she would clench up and stop the wee the moment she heard it tinkle into the toilet but she got heaps of praise, sickers & a chocolate for every tinkle in the toilet. Over the weeks, we began to cut the pull-ups more and more until all her wee was falling into the toilet and she was used to the sensation. She was also by now used to weeing regularly throughout the day rather than holding in all the time. Eventually the pull-up was just a thin belt round her waist, just a crutch really to help get over her fear. So then I introduced a prize bag - lots of pink tat wrapped up in pretty paper - she could pick a present for any wees without the magic belt. She was highly resistant and so then we gave her a stern talking to - no more pull-ups for wees, she's a big girl now, she can do this and all wees into the toilet from now. And she did it! She now wees happily into the toilet! At some points last year i coudln't imagine ever getting here but in the end it just took a couple of months of gradually removing that mental block. Good luck with your dc - i know how frustrating and worrying this is. All the advice deals with children having lots of accidents - we hardly ever had accidents and couldn't understand where she developed this fear of weeing or pooing in the toilet.
Now we just have the crack the poos!