Disastrous first day toilet training, is this usual?

[flowerybeanbag]

So we started DS1, 2.8, today. He has displayed signs of being ready as follows:

Weeing on the toilet every morning and bathtime. At first it was when put on the toilet, then when we asked if he needed to, and now he frequently asks to go on when he needs to (only when in the bathroom). He therefore definitely knows when it's coming. When he goes on the toilet he knows he gets a Bob the Builder sticker, which he loves.

He can hold it quite a while. He has asked to go at a very inconvenient moment (downstairs) when we couldn't get him to the toilet, but when asked if he could hold on, did so for about 10 minutes.

We got him some pants with fire engines etc on them, which he's pleased with. We've been talking to him about various other children he knows about his own age who wear pants, and he's keen to be like them.

So far so good. My hopes were high. But today he refused to wee on the toilet this morning, as he normally does. He has not done any poos or wees on the toilet today at all. It's not even that he's asked to go and not made it there in time, he's just gone in his pants without any attempt to tell us or go to the toilet. We've asked him at regular intervals during the day whether he wants to go, always no.

He then refused to go at bathtime, and in fact was just outside the open bathroom door with me when he went on the floor.

Because he had got so good at going on the toilet and knowing when he needed to go, it feels like a gigantic regression from the stage he was at before, and I'm not sure why. Is this normal? What should we do?

I don't get why he had to hold it for 10 minutes? That is a very long time for a 2 year old.

I would try again tomorrow and see how you go.

You are going to have accidents and even though he was doing it okay before it is official now and maybe that has pressured or confused him?

I didn't explain why he had to hold it for 10 minutes. I could do, but the circumstances are not remotely relevant and my post was lengthy enough as it is. The point I was making was because he did hold it on that occasion, a few weeks ago, I know he is physically capable of holding it, which I understood to be one of the signs of being ready.

Yes of course I appreciate we will have accidents. I was just concerned that he seems to have gone immediately backwards in terms of what he was doing already and was just hoping for some reassurance that doing so is normal, or to hear other people who have had similar and still got there with it.

Okay.

My DD knew when she was about to wee for MONTHS, maybe almost a year, before we started potty training in earnest. We still had three days of wet knickers and then all of a sudden she just got the hang of it and hasn't had an accident since, apart from once in the middle of the night when she was very very poorly. Hope your son gets the hang of things quickly. It does sound like he is ready and I am sure things will improve soon. If you find you are still in the same place a week on, then maybe just give him a break and try again when it's warmer and pants and trousers are optional extras. Do you have potties as well as the loo? Sometimes those seem friendlier at first.

Also, keep reminding him about the stickers and maybe offer a small treat (I used little cheap plastic figures of monsters and animals and biscuits) for when he's got five stickers or something. You can get a massive tub of tiny dinosaurs in ELC for about a fiver. A reward chart might not be a bad idea, either - five stars on the chart and then you get a treat etc.

I think treat tommorrow as a brand new day, forget all that has happened today, and move forward, i would not ask instead just say mummy wants you to sit on the toliet and just try, if he goes great he gets a sticker and if he doesn't pants up and off to play for half hour, or hour whatever you think is approiate.

He is def capable of it, he has shown you this already, sometimes when potty training starts, children can go backwards before they go forwards, but i think he will do well, from all that you have said.

Good luck

That's reassuring, thanks Horton, it's always nice to hear that other people have had similar problems! I know it's only day one, I just found it strange he seemed to have gone backwards iykwim? We don't have potties, I was hoping to bypass them because I know people who have had trouble getting children to transfer to the loo. He is very used to going on the toilet - he has a nice padded Thomas seat upstairs and down, so I was hoping that would be ok. I'll consider trying potties perhaps later if we're not getting there.

It's just a bit frustrating because we've been poised to make a big fuss of him, give stickers and encouragement etc, the first time he did it. It just feels like because he didn't do it once, we weren't able to focus on the positive at all, which is obviously best.

Early days though, see how things go tomorrow!

x-posts thanks cookielove. Is it better to put him on regularly regardless of whether he's asked then? Even though he has asked occasionally before? Maybe we'll try that tomorrow - I guess if it's more likely to get a positive result at some point so we can make the appropriate fuss that would be good.

It is good that he is asking, to be honest i am not a parent, but i work in a potty training room and have being doing this for years.

What we tend do, is tell them they need to try, they sit on the potty or toliet for 5-10 mins, if they do something thats great if they don't never mind, try again later, i would rather that i was asking them to go and they were suceeding, then waiting for them to tell me and it ends up in their pants.

Also what we find is children don't like stopping what they are doing, to go to the toliet, so you could give a warning in 5 mins we are going to go try to do a wee or poo! Children have more accidents when they absorbed in play, because they are not use to the feeling of having to go do a wee, so they need prompts.

He might be physically ready and able but that doesn't mean he's really got his head around the whole concept yet. Am I right in thinking you've fairly recently had a new baby? So it may all be a lot of change at once and today was his protest.

That doesn't necessarily mean give up though - perservere for a few more days and if he's really not playing the game, I would give up for a while. Everyone knows that it is the law that you can't wear nappies after your third birthday - you get a party and presents, and the nappies go. My DSs all fell for this .

Hmm, not exactly the same but we had a disastrous start to potty training (for most of the first week) despite showing all signs of readiness (DD is also 2.8). Either refused to use the potty or would sit on it for hours (seemingly) whilst being read stories etc (on her insistence, not ours!) - not do anything and then promptly wee in pants 10 mins later. However, over next week she just gradually 'got it' and then it all seemed to click 10 days ago - and now asks to go unprompted and has been accident free (don't worry - I am not expecting no problems ever again!). So I would say, it is worth persisting for atleast another 3 days - ideally more and only stop if really going nowhere or becoming a battle of wills.
FWIW (and I obviously don't know your child at all) 2 things that helped were bribery (stickers and chocolate buttons) and easing back on the potty trips (we were insisting she try at least every hr, or more if we felt she must need to go. When we just started prompting her 'do you need to...?' and accepting it if she said no, just saying 'OK. Just tell me if you do.'). I think giving her more control helped alot of the battle of will element.
Good luck. It is frustrating time! Have a glass of wine (or two)!

Another thing that happened with us was that DD sometimes got a bit wound up about having to go to the loo and then couldn't actually produce the wee she wanted to do because she was thinking about it too much IYSWIM. Potty in front of CBeebies with a nice big drink (or fruit if a poo was expected) seemed to take her mind off things and she could then relax a bit. It never took longer than about ten or fifteen minutes once her mind was distracted. BTW, we have had no problems with transferring from potty to loo. She still sometimes uses the potty but she has a step to get up to climb on the loo and will complete the entire process herself including wiping her bum at 3.3.

thanks everyone.

Yes Hassled, we have a 12wo DS2. DS1 was displaying all the signs I mentioned back in October, and iirc I think that was when he did his unexpected holding it for 10 minutes thing, so we felt he was ready then. However DS2 was due beginning of November so we decided to wait until DS2 had arrived and things had settled down before trying. I think that was definitely the right decision, but it may well still be having an impact though, I agree.

Yes

POtty training is something I found a complete nightmare. I would echo the treats thing - amazing but was the only thing that worked for us in the end. That and sanctions, when I knew she knew what she was doing (ie 'I would rather watch Peppa Pig than go and locate potty' . I think it is normal and just part of the whole hideous process! Roll on doing it all again in a year!

Disastrous days are par for the course with potty training, so just see each new day as a new day and don't think twice about the disastrous ones!

Stay calm, make sure you don't scold for accidents just be firm about it being a better idea to go in the potty.

Don't make anywhere inconvenient for him - have a potty wherever he is playing the most even if it means having more than one potty around, it won't help progress is he has accidents down to there not being a potty handy. Make it as easy as you can for him to get to a potty.

My little one is 2.4 and this is DAY 2!! Am swinging between moments of jubilation and complete despair - she has done 3 pees and a poo today, and 4 accidents!! Compared to no successes at all yesterday! It is very hard not to get grumpy with them when you know they need to go and won't! I would say based on my very limited experience of this to keep going, and maybe have a large glass of wine tonight!!

My DS was 2.6 and similar to your DS in that he seemed SO ready. He WAS ready but he was a bit scared of what was outside of what was "normal" to him, IYSWIM. We had lots of backwards days.
We really made progress when we started using a potty instead of the big toilet (although he had been using this in the morning and at night). Also, I would sit beside him on the floor and do a jigsaw or read a book with him which meant he was happy to sit for more than 5 seconds. It seemed to calm his fears.
After a couple of days he was really confident and relaxed with the potty. A couple of weeks later we progressed to the big toilet. We never looked back - he was even dry at night straight away.

Maybe your DS is having a similar crisis of confidence now that he realised that this is for ever and not just for fun before the nappy goes back on.

Hope my waffle helps!

I am potty training my DD this week, she's 2.10.
She's doing brilliantly at home, going to the potty herself, but that is because she's naked from the waist down whilst at home.
As soon as she has knickers on she has accidents, but I think it's because she forgets that knickers are not the same as a nappy. I am not sure how to get her to understand that she needs to ask to go to the potty when she is fully dressed... maybe it is the same for your DS?

we're at the same stage we've been at for months, ds loves using the toilet and will happily wee if taken regularly but never says he needs to go. 5 mins ago i asked him, he said no then weed 2 mins later