DD very keen, but will only let me help her...sometimes.

[dairymoo]

I am trying to potty train my my DD (2y5mo) as a week ago or so she started telling me when she had done a wee in her nappy, and demanding that it is changed immediately. We did a couple of days in nappies, but with her getting used to telling me when she needed to go (then nappy off, wee on toilet), etc. We then progressed to 'big girl pants' at the start of this week and only had one or two accidents on the first couple of days. We managed to get out and about and she proved that she can control her bladder as she waited 15 mins once to go - however, things have been slipping ever since. Sometimes she is great, tells me, we get there in time, I go crazy with clapping etc (as does her twin sister) and sometimes she has a complete tantrum when I ask her (gently) if she needs to go, or insist that she 'tries' before we leave the house...and then wees all over herself 2 mins later.

She was at nursery and with a nanny today and didn't have any wees in the toilet, they were all in her pants. She seems to be afraid of letting other people take her to the toilet, and just says she doesn't need to, then wets herself.

I guess I'm just looking for advice. She clearly understands PT, she knows what to do and will often have a whole morning dry. Then it just becomes a bit of a battle and all goes wrong. Should I admit defeat and try again in a few weeks or just keep perservering? I was thinking of putting her in pull-ups for nursery (2 mornings a week) but will that confuse her?

I'm so confused I really don't know what to do! It feels she is so close, yet sooo far. Oh and poos are a complete nightmare - always in pants, never in toilet/potty.

Please help!

Unless she can manage her own clothes and take herself, she needs other adults to help her. What do the nanny and nursery staff advise? Does she dislike the nursery toilets, or is it just strangers "watching her' that is upsetting? Could she take her own potty or toilet seat to nursery to use? That little link with home sometimes helps. Would she go if they helped her with her clothes and then stood outside the cubicle/bathroom while she went, and then helped her wipe and dress again?

It might be helpful if she could go at set times, joined by another child or two so that it isn't all about her. She might be more willing to comply with the staff stating rather than asking that "you and A and B are going to the toilet now" and this gets around the problem of her being afraid to ask.

You don't want it to be a battle, it would be a shame to go back to pull-ups, but I suspect that is what nursery particularly will suggest. Have you considered some sort of cloth training pants for use at nursery instead of disposable, will minimise the floods but still be "big girls pants" It's hard when they get to this negative stage! I don't know what to suggest about the poo problem, although I gather poo training seems to happen after wees are sorted (although my DS was trained for both at the same time) Some children hate the sensation of something dropping away from them, which doesn't happen pooing in pants. You could put a pad of loo roll in the potty base to shorten the drop or a cheap disposable nappy, or a folded cheap microfibre cloth (which at least you can wash and re-use.) But I suspect she just can't cope with it all at the moment, so wait until she stays dry first before you try.

Unless she can manage her own clothes and take herself, she needs other adults to help her. What do the nanny and nursery staff advise? Does she dislike the nursery toilets, or is it just strangers "watching her' that is upsetting? Could she take her own potty or toilet seat to nursery to use? That little link with home sometimes helps. Would she go if they helped her with her clothes and then stood outside the cubicle/bathroom while she went, and then helped her wipe and dress again?

It might be helpful if she could go at set times, joined by another child or two so that it isn't all about her. She might be more willing to comply with the staff stating rather than asking that "you and A and B are going to the toilet now" and this gets around the problem of her being afraid to ask.

You don't want it to be a battle, it would be a shame to go back to pull-ups, but I suspect that is what nursery particularly will suggest. Have you considered some sort of cloth training pants for use at nursery instead of disposable, will minimise the floods but still be "big girls pants" It's hard when they get to this negative stage! I don't know what to suggest about the poo problem, although I gather poo training seems to happen after wees are sorted (although my DS was trained for both at the same time) Some children hate the sensation of something dropping away from them, which doesn't happen pooing in pants. You could put a pad of loo roll in the potty base to shorten the drop or a cheap disposable nappy, or a folded cheap microfibre cloth (which at least you can wash and re-use.) But I suspect she just can't cope with it all at the moment, so wait until she stays dry first before you try.

Thanks for your reply girlywhirly. I do need to speak to the nursery about what they suggest, and also what's happening at the moment (i.e. is she refusing to go, or just not being asked). Good idea about taking toilet seat - we will try that. She def needs help with undressing/dressing/wiping so I will make sure that they are offering. Good idea about going with a friend too.

This morning it looked like she had a bit of the horrible novovirus as she did a particularly nasty poo in her pants, and so I put her in a nappy. The nappy remained dry all day (and she needed very little reminding, almost always told me first - including an outing to a soft play place for 2 hours) and so she really does understand what she needs to do. She wasn't particularly bothered about having a nappy on, so maybe we'll just keep on with big girl pants when I'm around, and a nappy at nursery until we can come up with a 'plan' that she understands. My DH is taking over toilet duties this weekend so perhaps that will help her get used to having someone else help her.

Anyone else with advice...?