Please, please, can anyone advise on major regression problem

[Nonicknamesleft]

I'm slightly reassured by the number of threads on this subject and have read others with interest, but am hoping for some personalised mumsnet wisdom...

OK, DD is 3.5 years old, been toilet training since November 2008, was doing not too badly but in last 2/3 months or so just seems to have lost it: leaking, having accidents, weeing on bathroom floor etc. Also won't tell us when has done poo, just pulls up knickers and carries on with life.

She keeps stopping en route to the loo to pick up entertainment to take with her, and in the delay wets herself. Having books etc in the bathroom doesn't help. Star charts and other rewards have no impact at all.

She is totally not bothered about the fact that any of this is happening. Dad (principal carer so main clearer-upper) blowing his stack about it a lot of the time which of course doesn't help, and I'm finding it hard not to be a bitch too as we're both fed up. She is mostly dry at night so bladder control potential clearly there.

Instinct tells me that it would be counterproductive to put her back in nappies, but what do people think/what have others done? I don't want to be cruel, god forbid, but she doesn't seem to get it and she doesn't care. Possibility of UTI has been eliminated already.

sorry no advice but i am also having this problem with my dd.she is just 3 but been potty trained for 6 months.the last few weeks she has wet the bed at night every night at least once sometimes twice.she also wets during the day.it is driving me mad.i just dont know what to do.i try constantly asking her to go to the toilet but says she doesnt want to then wets.at night she always does a wee just before bed but still wets.

One of mine was like that but only with her wees.

I think I threatened a smack - she was probably nearer 5 at this time so much older. Told her it was unacceptable and that she had to go to the toilet as soon as she needed it.

Has your dh tried making her clear it up so that she has the inconvenience of clearing it up and missing out on play?

having 3 of them who are well past potty training, I would say cool it.

Relax, tell her it doesn't matter in the slightest, if she prefers to use nappies then she can. Start putting nappies on, and wait. I bet she'll get the picture pretty quick but she will feel like it's her choice.

I know with my eldest at nursery they told her it didn't matter and it happened a few more time (again she was a year past training) and I told her it did and it never happened again.

The next one I told her if she wanted to carry on going to preschool she needed to keep her pants dry, again this work

Next one was the one who regularly left it to late. I could cope with damp pants but not the floods! The smack threat did work though btw although not my finest example of parenting.

Next one never regressed thankfully.