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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Totally regressed at 3.1, absolutely at the end of my tether

11 replies

bluemousemummy · 27/01/2010 14:18

I am having a nightmare with ds1, 3.1. We tried 1st at around 2.6 with disastrous results and I put him back in nappies and tried again a couple of months later to give us all a chance to calm down. On the second attempt, it took a couple of months but we finally cracked it early November and he was dry and clean with no accidents at all for over 6 weeks.

THEN he had a couple of accidents out of the blue in the run up to Christmas - we put it down to all the excitement etc and also perhaps anxiety as he knew he was starting pre school in January. But it got worse and worse and now we are totally back to square one whereby he will wee and poo in his pants pretty much every time.

Now, the fact that I KNOW he can do it makes me unwilling to put him back in nappies, but I genuinely feel as though I have tried everything now and am finding myself trying to think of punishments, which i know everyone will advise against.

We have tried:

Rewards (both stickers, charts and chocolate)
Shouting (not a deliberate strategy )
Praise
Inviting other children over who are using the potty
Pretending not to be bothered (have been trying that for the past month...)

I also make him help to clean up afterwards, but I don't think that has any real effect.

I lost it today and threatened to take his comforter off him until bedtime if he had another accident

I am clearly losing both the plot and the battle.

What would you do??

PS He hasn't had any accidents at pre school, but he doesn't go whilst he's there either, he just hangs on ALL MORNING til he gets home.. so he certainly has the control!

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notnowbernard · 27/01/2010 14:20

I'd take the pressure off (you mainly, not him, as clearly he's not got 'issues' with the fact that he's wetting and soiling) and put him in a pull-up, and still try and encourage him to use the potty

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 27/01/2010 14:22

Pre school is quite a big change and this will have impacted on his training. My DD was 3.4 and dry when we had our DS and she took a huge step backwards. TBH, I did all of what you have done (including the shouting big!) and eventually found that stickers did it for her.

Is there a reason he wont go at pre-school. DD often had wet accidents when she needed a poo (bowel pressing on the bladder). Is he scared to ask someone to take him or go alone?

notnowbernard · 27/01/2010 14:24

The only thing that worked for dd was ignoring it, but it usually improved after a few days - not sure I could've ignored for longer!

Original poster

bluemousemummy · 27/01/2010 14:40

I don't think he is scared to ask someone but I may suggest to them on Friday that they tell him to go every half hour or so.

We did try stickers the first time but it didn't really work. When he has been difficult by not eating the only thing that has worked is pretending not to be bothered, and I really thought that that would work in this instance but it has been over a month now.

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Original poster

bluemousemummy · 27/01/2010 14:40

I don't think he is scared to ask someone but I may suggest to them on Friday that they tell him to go every half hour or so.

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notnowbernard · 27/01/2010 14:42

I know it doesn't feel like it now (have been there!) but it will pass

He is only just 3. A wee babby

Washersaurus · 27/01/2010 14:53

If you have ever read any of my MANY posts on this subject, you will see that it took DS1 until he started school in September (4.2yo) to keep his pants clean and dry (and we still have some problems at weekends).

At school they tell him/take him every 15-20 mins or so and also reward him with stickers on his sticker fish for doing a whole morning/afternoon with no accidents. When fish is full of stickers he gets a pencil or similar as a prize - seems to work for him anyway.

Do pop him back in pull-ups though if you are feeling like you are fighting a losing battle, it does no harm for you both to take a breather and then restart afresh in a week or so.

For the sake of your sanity, you need to stop thinking that he CAN do it (because that way madness lies). He is only still little, so just assume he isn't able to control his bladder/bowel yet and then be nicely surprised when he does .

You also really have to take the drama out of any accidents too - make no comment, just hand him clean clothes and ask him to get changed.

Most importantly, ignore the gasps of horror from the MNers who believe that the parents of children in nappies past 2.5yo are useless and totally to blame.

Original poster

bluemousemummy · 27/01/2010 20:50

Washersaurus... but the point is, he really CAN do it, because he DID do it for over 6 weeks! And that's without reminders, and on long car journeys, and whilst staying with relatives, out shopping, the lot. He had cracked it. Now for whatever reason he has decided that he doesn't want to do it any more, although in fairness most of the time he will remember to use the potty or toilet if he is not wearing pants/trousers (so it can't be anything physically wrong).

Sorry you've had a tough time with it as well. Am impressed that your school have been so understanding.

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Washersaurus · 27/01/2010 22:02

It isn't uncommon really y'know, there were lots of boys especially starting Reception with DS1 who were in the same position.

DS1 could do it too and was fully clean and dry for a few months before we started having problems.

You honestly just have to forget that and carry on expecting him to have accidents, otherwise you risk beginning to feel very negative about the whole thing....which as I discovered, only makes it worse .

DS1's problem was partly due to constipation that he had suffered since being a little toddler. The withholding of poo put pressure on his bladder meaning he couldn't stop weeing himself almost continuously.

kwaker5 · 28/01/2010 10:50

I don't want to sound doom and gloom (am just about to post on the subject) but my DS regresses (on the wee front) about every 3-4 weeks. I think he is just really affected by any sort of stress/change. First time was going on hols, then his 3rd birthday, then it was Christmas and this time it's been a few new kids starting at pre-school and one of the carers going on maternity leave. He has also had balanitis once and I am taking him back to the docs for a quick check today after the latest setback.

He is 3.3 now and we started training at 2.11.

I am a bit fed up with people who have had no problems being a bit with me as though I must be doing something wrong. I have tried everything but have reached the conclusion that his emotions really affect his bladder. I do feel for you with the poo though. Must be hard not to lose your rag.

notnowbernard · 28/01/2010 13:13

I remember feeling v similar when dd1 was that age (the just 3 mark)

The constant accidents are irritating, esp when your DC seems to not be remotely bothered it's happening

But believe me, in a couple of years time you will look back and think "WHAT was I getting so stressed over? They were just a baby!" And wonder why the Hell you just didn't stick them back in pull-ups for a while (I am convinced if I'd done this dd would've got dry again with no problems - the constant hassling just perpetuated the problem)

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