Am I expecting too much from nursery

[PanickedFTM]

Hi,

For background, my DS is 2 years 9 months and has a speech delay. At the moment there are no other indicators of SEN and his comprehension seems fine.

I’ve been considering potty training for a while but knew it would be more difficult as he couldn’t tell us he needed to go. We finally bit the bullet this week after a few nappy free days in the heat wave and honestly I couldn’t be more proud. We started Monday with a few accidents but since then there have only been 2 accidents everything else on the potty.

We are basically just keeping an eye out for his signs that he needs to go and putting him on the potty. His bladder control seems really good and he knows he’s not meant to have accidents as he will try to clean it up himself without me.

The thing is nursery have made comments about “we’d usually say wait until they’re asking to go” “it’s going to be difficult if he’s not telling us he needs to go”. I understand that, I’d love DS to be able to tell me but I don’t think that’s a reason to leave him in nappies. I’m not asking them to take him the toilet by the minutes. Just to keep at eye out for signs he needs a wee (grabbing himself, crossed legs) and take him then which would be 2/3 times over the course of his nursery day. And I know there will probably be more accidents there than at home.

Has anyone else had experience with this? Am I expecting too much of the staff?

Thank you.

That doesnt sound like you're expecting too much to me.
I'd expect nursery and parents to be working together on something like potty training, especially if your child is showing signs they're ready. Consistency between home and nursery can make a huge differnce.
But nurseries are often juggling lots of childrens needs at the same time, so it might be worth having another chat with them to understand exactly what support they're able to provide and whether you can agree a shared approach.
On a slightly related note, a friend of mine recently shared a free school readiness guide. One of the areas it looks at is independance and self-care skills - I found it quite intresting as a parent:
https://www.schoolfirststeps.co.uk/
Hope you manage to get things sorted with nursery.

I don’t think you are asking too much but can also see it from their side. When he starts showing signs of needing a wee will he be able to hold it for a while or will he need to we within seconds? Also I think if he only needs to go 2/3 times a day at home and has no accidents maybe nursery are overthinking what you are expecting from them. When toddlers start potty training some of them will be prompted every 30mins to avoid accidents so maybe they are expecting to have to be constantly on the lookout and be taking him to the toilet.
I would suggest clarifying with nursery your expectations but also consider if nursery don’t always see the signs and he has more accidents there will it be distressing to him?
Hope you sorted it anyway, sounds like he’s doing amazing!

youre not asking too much; they sound unsupportive.

No they sound really inflexible and unhelpful. Our nursery did timers every 30 minutes and sat our kid on the potty then extended the timers until they could go more reliably. This can’t be the first nonverbal child they’ve had during potty training, surely?!

Theres a simple Makaton sign for “toilet” which you could teach him and then teach the staff! It’s so lazy to say a child has to be able to vocalise .

I worked in a preschool and we’d toilet a new learner every 30 minutes. And a clutch on the crotch is a pretty clear indication! It’s so very easy to make excuses