Potty training 4 year old - at my wits end

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My DD turned 4 two weeks ago. I've been quite chilled with the potty training, telling myself she'll do it when she wants to. I've also had a lot going on in my life for the paat year, so it kind of fell by the wayside.

I've had her in pull ups for around 8 months and try and encourage her to use the toilet, but she hasn't been. Last week, i decided that we really needed to get cracking with it. So i told her that she was now in big girl pants and had to use the toilet. She seemed happy enough with this. However she continues to use her pants like a nappy. I've told her she'll get a treat if she uses the toilet, she just doesn't care. I ask her every 15 mins or so if she needs the toilet, she says no. I sometimes just take her to the toilet. Sometimes she will pee but usually not.

I have no idea why she won't use the toilet but she's now 4 and surely should be potty trained by now.

Does anyone have any tips?

Incorrect - many kids aren't developed physically enough by then

https://www.mumsnet.com/articles/potty-training Have a look at the potty training diary, this is what we did

Many? Maybe a small percentage. But you’re wrong saying ‘many’.

18 months used to be the norm, before Pampers started their hugely successful ‘readiness’ campaign.

Thank you!

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Naked bottom half.

Isn't that a bit undignified for a four year old?

Solidarity comment right here. My DS4 has autism and is minimally verbal and potty training him has been chaotic to say the least. His additional needs have made it harder by a tenfold, and it feels we are going one step forward and 2 steps back.

I started properly enforcing the training over Easter, where it became clear he had a preference for the toilet over the potty. What really motivated him was a sticker chart! As soon as he knew he would be getting a big reward for competing his chart he was on the toilet all the time trying to wee so he could get stickers.

When he got the reward, he went back to nursery following the Easter holidays and continued to use the toilet but not the same as he was doing. They were reinforcing the need for using the toilet at nursery as well, but he just was put off from it. I was busy with work and my other kid and it just went to pot. Got him a new sticker chart now but he just isn't interested.

So, my advice would be, maybe try her on the toilet instead of the potty, and definitely try a sticker chart! But make sure you keep getting the sticker charts if it does work. Consistency is key! I just learnt that too late D: Will be following for advice!

In their own home with their mum and dad?

I’d say using nappies and have multiple accidents a day is more undignified.

The child in question could just wear a dress anyway for the initial training

I think pull ups can be confusing. Try knickers - then she knows when she's wet.
We had multiple potties around the house and took one in the car.

Thank you. I do also suspect autism with my DD but am 100% sure she has ADHD. I don't know if that's what has made it harder. We did try loose potty training around a year ago but she just wasn't getting the hang of it. I've spent the past maybe 8-10 months encouraging but not forcefully working on potty training.

I'll be buying a sticker chart tomorrow!

Absolutely no pull ups. I would stick to nappies at night time too. I don’t want you to be tempted to use the pull up “just this once while we are at the supermarket” or “just this once while we are at the cinema”!!!!!! Every time you do that you are confusing your child.

Stick to home at the moment. If she wants to go for a box of strawberries or an ice cream then you tell her she needs to do a wee first so she won’t get her panties wet. Then you do the potty dance and off you pop to the shops.

I disagree with the stick at home view... yes it can get messy and awkward but just have spare everything. She will learn faster if she wets herself in Tesco and its a massive faff.
My girls potty trained at 15 and 18 months. We always had knickers in our pockets and spare trousers.

No worries! Ah yes, would make sense - myself and my son's nursery workers are convinced he has ADHD, as both me and his dad do, as well - but of course, too early to diagnose. I have heard many people say that physical rewards work brilliantly with ADHD kids, so the more sticker charts, the better lol. Good luck!

I had issues with toilet training my eldest daughter and it did turn out she had an issue with her bladder however one of the things we were advised that she should be cleaning and changing herself for accidents (it’s easy when you do it and that’s attention) and attention should only be when she does a good job not an accident

We also spoke to the health visitor and went through with them and then the continence service to make sure we were doing everything necessary but not sure what you would have in Scotland.

If you suspect autism remember interoception is a common issue. She may be finding it difficult to feel or understand the signals. Just keep offering opportunities to use the toilet but don’t worry if it takes longer. We waited for readiness with all three of ours and they trained easily at different ages. However, I do agree pull ups cause confusion. Try no pull ups or underwear for a bit and see how you get on

Hmm I wasn't aware of the interoception issue, that's definitely something to think about.

Underwear feels like a nappy. Try going naked on the bottom half, then progress to dresses/skirts, then shorts or loose trousers. Going straight to underwear is hard mode, and it's been ingrained in her for a lot longer so it will take longer.

@wishingonastar101 They were not trained then were they? 15 months is crazy. My DD1 was barely walking by then. Competitive parenting or what?

She won't magically become potty trained.
You have to put in lots of work to get this accomplished.

Which is what I'm trying to do ..