Wits end with stubborn nearly 3 year old

[Clockbook]

I’m at my wits end. My son will be 3 in 6 weeks. He is the most stubborn, head strong child I have ever come across. We are on our 3rd attempt at potty training. He knows he needs a wee. He will hop on the spot and even say he needs a wee. But he just will not sit on the potty or the toilet. Kicks and cries and screams if we try and carry him over. Will not be bribed with anything. We have persevered the last 3 days and we are all miserable. He just refuses and refuses and refuses until he eventually wets himself. He is now stool withholding as well.

My eldest was easy and was done by age 2.2 using oh cr*p method. This is just something else.

Does anyone have any tips? He’s a nightmare to feed at the best of time so the thought of trying to get laxatives into him is making me want to cry. The only option of childcare we have in September is a school nursery which he needs to be dry for, otherwise we are screwed.

What's his Kryptonite? Something that he absolutely loves that you could bribe with.

Honestly at one point today I was offering every snack under the sun, a new train for his trainset and unlimited TV (usually only allowed an hour a day with big brother). Still didn’t budge 😮‍💨

This is why you need to find his Kryptonite, all the bribes in the world won't work if they're not right.

Can he actually see the bribe? They’re not good at thinking about the future, even if that future is 10 mins away.

Show him a handful of smarties, and tell him he can have one when he’s sitting on the potty. Then progress to letting him have once while he’s doing a wee (gross, but needs must…)

I dont think bribes are the way to go. My son was potty trained at 3y exactly, because he was ready. My daughter is only just trained now 3y 11m, because she wasn't ready/refused up till now so i left it.

Reverse psychology. Stop for two weeks, don’t talk about it at all to break the stand off. Then find something exciting for your older child to do. DS could do it too, but sadly it’s only for big boys who don’t wear nappies. Don’t make a big deal of it, just shrug and walk away. Don’t be drawn into tantrums, discussions, promises, bribes. Just calmly repeat ‘As soon as you’re a bit bigger and know how to use the toilet then you can (go swimming, go to soft play, whatever).