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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

This is starting to feel impossible! Training a stubborn toddler

5 replies

rosemarycait96 · 10/04/2026 22:06

We are nearly 9 months deep into this, and I'm starting to lose the will.

Our amazing boy turned 3 in February. He seemed ready to potty train last summer, so we cracked on and he did wonderfully at first. He understood within a few days, and was reliable enough to be out of nappies entirely within a month (except for nighttime). He struggled with poos for the first couple of months but is now pretty consistent with that to be honest, unless he's unwell.

Wees are the real issue. He has NEVER consistently taken himself to the potty or toilet for a wee. He has to be taken on a regular schedule, or he will hold it in and then leak until he wees himself. He won't say anything. He's happy to stay wet. If I ask him if he needs a wee, he will say no (even as the wee patch slowly forms on his pants). If I ask him why he won't take himself, he'll say he just 'doesn't want to'. He waits for me/dad/nursery worker to take him every time.

It's mostly because he doesn't want to stop playing. He gets really into what he's doing and will wiggle and squirm about to hold it in, anything but leaving his current activity.

He is an exceptionally strong-willed kid. We did reward charts and sticker, little toy cars, to reward him but he wasn't motivated. He doesn't seem to care about getting lots of praise.

We prompted more often but that just irritated him into resisting even more. Prompting less often leads to tonnes of accidents. Any minor change in his life, and he uses it as a reason to regress and pee himself regularly for weeks before going back to 'normal'. I have perfected the poker face and provide absolutely no reaction to his accidents. I make him clean himself up and put his clothes in the wash.

He is amazing with his poos and takes himself quite reliably, so we are probably well beyond nappies and I don't want to confuse him by returning to that.

What on Earth can we do to help him start taking himself? Anyone have experience potty training a toddler with a will of steel?

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newrubylane · 10/04/2026 22:33

My daughter was a bit like this. Hang in there, you will get there and you're doing everything that we tried!

A regular schedule helps, especially if you can time it with when he's probably actually got a full bladder. You could try a gradual withdrawal method - start by going with him and being in the bathroom, then by leaving him once he's on the toilet but waiting outside with door open, then you close the door, then you tKe him but just leave him there, then you take him to the top of the stairs, then you get to just prompting him, then no more prompting. Only move on from each stage once he's secure with it as it is.

Also, lots of modelling by verbalising when you need a wee, go to the loo etc. Tall to him about what needing a wee feels like. Make sure he understands that ignoring it won't make it go away. And talk to him about why it is so important. Point out that having to clean himself up takes longer than just stopping playing to go the the loo. He might respond to the logic more than the idea that he's doing it for a reward.

I found it improved more rapidly once she was at school and she could see other children taking themselves. And her routine fitted nicely into the school day.

Don't expect miracles, do expect regressions. He will get there eventually. Patience. I know it's maddening when you know they can do it! And we've still not cracked nighttime dryness - I definitely think there's an element of her not being fully attuned to the feeling of her bladder being full. Plus she's a very heavy sleeper.

LlamaFluff · 10/04/2026 23:12

My daughter too was very similar! We just accepted that we had to take her regularly. I stopped asking if she needed to go, just told her we gonna go use the potty now. She grew out of it eventually, some time during pre school I think.

marcyhermit · 10/04/2026 23:19

Is it a problem to just take him regularly at the moment?
I'd do morning, before going out, lunch time, tea time and before bed.

Contrarymary30 · 10/04/2026 23:33

Don't ask him if he needs a wee just take him or use a potty if that's what you do . I had 4 and also left it quite late ie three and a half rather than have it drag on for ages they got it very quickly . Just tell him he's a clever boy after he wees and don't make a fuss if he has an accident . No need for presents or reward charts , a little praise is enough .

rosemarycait96 · 11/04/2026 07:51

@marcyhermit not really a problem I suppose - I do that exact routine and take him at those times, but between lunch and dinner for example, there is about 5 hours during which he'll of course need a wee and have an accident if I don't take him myself.

I suppose I just find myself wondering if he will ever 'get it' and stop relying on adults totally - it's leading to regular accidents at preschool but mostly at home too.

@LlamaFluff I'm glad it eventually ended for you, hopefully we will get there eventually! I do just worry sometimes that I've created a reliance on adults prompting him as he seems totally in denial about needing the loo for a wee, but will happily run to the toilet for a poo (even if it is at the last possible moment, ha)

@newrubylane thank you! I like the idea of withdrawing gradually. At the moment we're at - I prompt, ie tell him he needs to do a wee, then I tell him to go to the bathroom and he will usually go (whilst shouting at me or huffing and puffing that he doesn't need it).

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