How much should I expect nursery to try with potty training?

[AmberHollow]

We began potty training my nearly 3 year old over the bank hol weekend and she took to it immediately. This is actually the second go after a try about 4 months ago, prompted by nursery saying they were ready, which ended up with a regression unfortunately.

This weekend has been brilliant, with regular prompts we got great engagement and only a couple of accidents.

One day back at nursery today and they’ve sent her home in a nappy and a bag full of poo filled clothes. The issue seemed to be that she wasn’t telling them she needs to go, but I had expected them to actually take her to potty as I have!

Am I abnormal here with my expectations? Nursery room leader seemed to be suggesting she should go back into nappies but…why?! She did absolutely brilliantly with what I would assume is a pretty normal level of support from me for potty training.

And if my expectations are too high, wtf does everyone do? Take weeks off work and nursery until I’ve got her completely independently trained? I’m so upset and need a sanity check on this from
other parents please. I really love our nursery and thought they’d be with me on this but it feels like I’m having to persuade them to try what in my view should be a normal part of their duty.

I imagine it's slightly nursery dependent - on handover, did you tell them her cues or how often to take her? It takes a while for most kids to be able to say they need to go with enough time it's actually useful. Early days everyone has to be pretty on it... I'd assume the nursery has many kids who come back after a long weekend has begun the process so they'd know they need to be on high alert to support you. How disappointing

I think your use of 'expected' is revealing. Different children behave differently. It sounds as though you didn't discuss with the staff what you would like them to do ie ask her periodically if she needs the potty etc. Please carry on though! She's made such a good start. My DD Sat on the children's loo seat (not interested in the potty) and did what she had to do on the first day but it took her weeks to reliably ask to go. Happy memories of going back to our rented apartment in Rome to wash soggy knickers.

Typo

Really good point and I probably could have broken down a bit more the approach I had taken at handover. I’ll have a chat with them tomorrow and try to be clearer at handover

YANBU - I would expect them to be doing all they can to keep this going and not end with another regression.

Is it a big nursery?

It’s not particularly big but it is certainly busy. I think having calmed down a bit and reflected, I need to have a proper meeting with them to talk about a plan. I was just so taken aback at the suggestion after one day to give up and revert to nappies…especially as I know she can do it with some help!

This is poor from the nursery, but also totally normal to get a back of messed clothes home at the end of the day. They should not have put her back in a nappy.

My daughter was having relatively few accidents at home, but still having 2-3 per day at nursery for months. Even 8 months after potty training and now taking herself off to use the toilet independently at home we still get 2-3 accidents per week from nursery - they have a large garden and she finds it a pain to go back to the toilet so puts it off. The staff know to prompt her or take her, when they are outside all day, but obviously that sometimes gets missed.

Just pack many more changes of clothes for tomorrow ... they'll soon realise that you are not going back, get fed up of cleaning up, and give your daughter more support.