Should we carry on with potty training or take a break?

[hm4912]

We are potty training my daughter who is 3 in two months. Nursery have told us that she is ready and she is very advanced in other aspects and follows instructions well. We’ve had a potty in the house for a while and she has sat on it a few times, read books with her etc.
We started training two days ago and put her in pants, set a timer for every 20 min and asked her to sit on the potty. She was happy to at first, then progressively got more irritated. Three times she ran off and immediately did a wee in her pants. We called it a day (I know, I shouldn’t have) and put her back in a nappy as she was getting fed up. We’ve tried again today and she has held her wee for about 5 hours, and she won’t sit on the potty for longer than 5 seconds and is getting upset when we ask her to use it. I’ve tried all methods, not putting pressure on it, setting a timer, reward charts, singing songs and reading books. I’m torn between carrying on or calling it a day?

I’m not a fan of using a potty, I preferred them using a toilet with a toilet seat for children. Lots of praise but I pretended I didn’t really notice if she wet herself just got her to help me clean up and help herself get changed. I deliberately made it a slow process and an inconvenience so she could see how quick using a toilet was. when she did sit on the toilet and wee lots of praise and a treat.

Thankyou, forgot to mention too we have a seat for the toilet so she has options

If you've only been trying for two days and have already given up once and tried all the methods, then you are chopping and changing wayyyyy too much and she's not getting a chance to find her feet with it.
If she can follow instructions and hold her wee for five hours then she's absolutely capable of using the potty/toilet. And that's all there is to being ready. Have some faith in her and persevere. It's a new skill.
We did the Oh Crap method and totally committed. Very intensive for the parent for the first day, but great fun for the child as they get undivided one to one attention. Both of mine were done in a day or two, with very few accidents after that. But you have to totally commit and see it through - if you're wishy washy or distracted she'll think why am I bothering and (surprise surprise) not want to bother.

I'd carry on, but simplify things. Two days is nothing and the weather is getting warmer. Every 20 minutes is a lot so she's probably frustrated about being interrupted.

Try: 1. A loo seat she helps choose so she associates going for a wee with being in the bathroom. 2. New pants she helps choose. 3. Putting the potty in the bathroom if she prefers the potty. 4. Cut out the timer and reward charts, which only add clutter and pressure. 5. Teach routine by going to the bathroom when she gets up, after snacks/meals, before going out and when getting home, and before bed. 6. Keep things low key, especially if there are accidents. 6. Let her see you using the loo, if she doesn't already.

Typo

I’ve tried all methods, not putting pressure on it, setting a timer, reward charts, singing songs and reading books. I’m torn between carrying on or calling it a day?

No. You've tried a lot of methods, but you haven't tried any of them consistently.

You're not going to get there on day 1, and let's face it this is day one, as you went back to pull ups after just a few hours yesterday.

She's learning a new skill and this takes time. You didn't stop trying to give her food when she spat it out the first few times, nor did you stop trying to get her to walk when she fell. Potty training is the same, it takes time and patience.

We started training two days ago and put her in pants, set a timer for every 20 min and asked her to sit on the potty. She was happy to at first, then progressively got more irritated.

This is an awful way to train.
Why are you doing this?

Im not surprised its going badly.

T shirt and tops only.
Potties in most rooms.
Lots of diluted juice and cartoons.
Prompt her when she shows visual cues Let her go when she says.
Dont force her to sit every 20 mins....

Read oh crap! And commit*

*commit = same method consistently for a minimum of 72 hrs.

I didn’t come here for negative comments. The timer method is common and is something our nursery use, as have many friends and have succeeded.

The nursery don't have the time or staff to watch for cues. They're dealing with a room full of children. Many who will be new to toilet training or still having accidents. So taking them at a set time is often the only way to approach training. You're able to do this 1-1 with your daughter, so there's no need for such rigid timings.

@SalmonOnFinnCrisp Has given you helpful advice. You've tried several mixed methods and that's going to be confusing things for your daughter. If you want to succeed then consistency is key.

I’ve trained 6: timer, loads of fluids … and a Rolo for a result. I never change my reward and it’s never let me down! Good luck - you’ll get there👍

Look take my advice or carry on as you are... timer method doesnt sound like its going brilliantly for your late to train daughter...

My dd was potty trained in 72 hrs / 4 days at 2y 2m using oh crap!
All my friends train at 2.5 or under using oh crap! method.

Timer method is for group settings and imo counterproductive for willful / non beige kids.

Good luck.
Potty training is very stressful

Unfortunately, your daughter is telling you she doesn't like the timer method and it's annoying her. So you need to find out what her actual pacing is and follow that. It could be anything up to 3 hours at her age and not be problematic! Start naked, watch her and whisk to the potty when she goes.

I'm training my DD atm, 2y2m on day 3 today and it's been an absolute turning point.
Shes taking herself without needing asked.
naked on bottom half last 3 days.
keep going

My daughter is not late to train. Let’s not tear other moms down when they are trying to figure out motherhood for the first time. **

Thanks all for the helpful advice and encouragement. ❤

I think the timer method probably works ok for younger children around 2. By the time you get to closer to 3 I think you tend to run into behaviour problems which might be what’s happened here. If she can hold for 5 hrs then clearly bladder control isn’t an issue.

I’d leave it a couple of weeks now. Then go cold turkey on the nappies, tell her what you expect and go naked from the waist down for the first day with the potty nearby. Then go for bribery. She’s a bit young for sticker charts really so I’d go for an immediate chocolate button or something similar. You might need to start with one just for sitting on the potty without a fuss if she’s now really resistant.

In the mean time I make sure she’s getting plenty of opportunity to go to the loo with you so you can explain what you are doing and she has a good idea of what she needs to do if she doesn’t already have an idea.

I wrote a similar post yesterday saying almost the exact same thing. We were looking for cues but he just holds it in and will not go. It's awful to see him in distress. I'm at the start of day three now and not sure whether to carry on. I feel like he's not ready. Having a good partnership with your husband helps too. We weren't on the same page because he did zero research and wouldn't discuss plans with me.

Consistency and commitment is key - I potty trained 3 including a set of twins solo. Giving up on day 1 isn’t great but you need to crack on with it and not go backwards. Drop the timer sounds like it’s not working for her. Stock up on fruit shoots and only do reminders and take her the toilet 20 mins after the drink. Commit to not leaving the house for several days. She isn’t “late to train” as someone mentioned - age 3 is pretty normal.

If she is able to hold it for 5 hours then I think every 20 mins is probably too often so I'd probably double that time, also you say your asking her to sit on the potty if make it non optional and when the alarm goes off say "it's potty time" and off you go, no child is going to want to stop what they are doing and do something boring like sit on the potty if given the option.
for 2 days she sounds like she's doing just fine, it took both my girls to day 4 to completely stop full accidents so stick with it!
sorry I haven't rtft so sorry if it's been mentioned but rewarding when my DD's actually managed to do something on the potty worked really well for us and got them to a point where it just clicked, we did one chocolate button for a wee and two for a poo.
good luck!