4 year old toilet issues

[MREED2025]

Almost 4 year old toileting

My almost 4 year old is toilet trained when going for a wee. But for a bowel motion will not go on the toilet and just does it in his pants. We have had to treat him for constipation as he went through a phase of stool holding after stopping nappies for bowel motions. We have tried everything, praise on the very rare occasion we have managed to get him to do it on the toilet, making it fun, rewarding, toys, books, videos. Even putting a portable toilet somewhere other than the bathroom but nothing works. We will literally sit him down 30 mins or so after every meal which has been advised by health care workers, he will just say I cant or I dont need a poo then 30 mins later will come and tell me he has done it in his pants. He dosnt appear embarrassed wont care where he does it. We feel like we have failed some how, we also feel bad for him as he starts school this year and I dont want children to be nasty to him. Has anyone got suggestions or had the same experience?

I’m following as I could have written this for my three year old

Blowing bubbles whilst sat on the toilet can really help. Sometimes it’s the feeling of water splashing them that they dislike. Try toilet paper in the toilet.
Look at the video Poo goes to Poo land on You tube.
The ERIC website will have further advice.

Following for tips and sending moral support.

My 4 year old is very similar. He's consistently dry during the day, but bowel motions are a very different story. He has recently started using the loo for a bowel motion occasionally at nursery, but will only go in his pants at home. He's recently started to show an interest in sitting on the loo and trying, but will get off the loo, pull up his pants and go in them instead.

We've tried "poo goes to pooland" (didn't work, the response was "but he can still go if he's tipped out of my pants"), bribes/stickers/sweets/praise (simply don't work) and talking about it (just feels like white noise now). He has the option of loo or potty, the loo seat has a small child seat attachment (and he's comfortable using it for a wee) and we have a step to make it easier to access. We've also tried blowing bubbles and just sitting on the potty watching TV. I'm 100% certain there's no issue with constipation.

Every healthcare professional I've spoken to has said that he'll grow out of it/get the hang of it, but I'm so, so tired of it now... I feel as though there must be something we're missing.

Bump...

Following - DD is the same and will hold all bowel movements until she has a nappy on, she starts school in September so I am hoping she grows out of it before then as it’s a right pain if we go out and she needs to go!

Have lived with one bathroom downstairs for about 27 years . It only got a bit too much when DS came back home after uni and spent over half an hour the shower . Other than that you will cope fine as you will have a spare !

Did you mean to post on this thread?

lol no ! Not sure what happened there . I was on a property thread

4 year old seems to have anxiety-

To start nursery has always been a touchy subject, she loves it one week hates it for the next few months after. She has been toilet trained for the last 2 years and has always done extremely well. She had a wee accidenr a couple of weeks ago and now refuses to leave the house unless she knows there’s a toilet there. She is petrified of having an accident and goes for a wee every 10/15 minutes at home. Me and my partner are both trying not to make a big deal out of it and be reassuring saying “it’s ok” “you can go to the toilet when you need to” “there’s no rush” etc but in reality it is ruling our whole life. I’m emotional for my daughter’s sake, I don’t know what to do to help her. She’s naturally shy, but this past year has come out of her shell amazingly, but this has turned her into a shy, nervous, anxious child again. Anyone been through this? Does it pass? Am I handling it wrong? Tia

Following for advice - we’re really struggling with this too.