Potty training a defiant 2 year old: persist or pause for now?

[navigatingthestars]

I'm struggling with potty training my DD (2 and eight months.)

She started well, had a wee in the potty and then started to poo, got her to the potty and in it went, lots of praise. Since then it’s been very hit and miss.

I totally anticipate accidents but whether it’s related to potty training or to just a phase this week she’s been exceptionally defiant, sassy and silly, refusing to eg put on her coat, running around laughing when we have to go somewhere, her eating has been very poor and general non compliance I guess would be the term! I feel like if she was in a compliant mood potty training would be a breeze but she isn’t and she is refusing to sit on the potty (I do give choices, would you like to sit on the pink potty or the ladybird one) but she just says ‘no potty’. She also isn’t motivated by bribes seemingly - she isn’t really interested in food. Sometimes making a big fuss of what a big girl she is and so clever has worked but then she just sits on the potty and doesn’t always perform (I do praise that.)

She tells me when she is wet and when she has pooed and we have had some wees /
poos on the potty, so part of me is a bit loath to give it up but I’m also concerned it’s becoming battle of wills and I don’t want that to happen. Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions.

My dd was mega defiant / strongwilled.

You can absolutely use it to potty train. I was done in a long weekend.

Read oh crap! We put her in a tshirt with bare bum for for 48 hrs.
Then after the 4 day weekend put loose trousers that could easily be pulled up and down (size up and no leggings) then we added knickers 2 or 3 weeks in). Also put these on for outings on day 3 and 4! We went out for a short trip immediately after wee

Give juice to get fluids going.

Dont force her to "try" be there ready to lunge with a potty i think we had 3 potties in various rooms.

We did stickers at first byt she couldn't have cared less...
So then She got a small chocolate button after a wee or poo
I didnt tell her just gave her one.

I wouldn't do any big chats and emotionally be neutral.
We night trained separately

I’m not massively keen on Oh Crap. I read it with my first and I found it didn’t really work. Plus since she is my second we do have to leave the house sometimes, if only for the school run. Besides, the author thinks we’re doomed anyway IIRC, as she is over 30 months.

Personally I think they either understand when they need to go or they don't. I'd only prompt for a "try" before leaving the house and then brace myself for a travel potty wee.

Also followed oh crap and trained at 2yrs 9 months - he got it in 3 days, out and about on the second day. No bribing needed.

Leave it. She knows it’s an option. Tell her you’ll go back to pants when she feels ready. Both mine potty trained wees&poos, night &day in under a week when they asked. DS was 2y9m, DS was 2y4m. DS had had a couple of false starts, DD just said “pants today” one morning.

Thanks. I really don’t think OC is going to work, if I tried to force her on the potty she would resist and that would definitely turn it into a battle. It’s hard to know what’s best. She has had some success but in all honesty it’s limited, I’m maybe having one successful wee on the potty a day and a lot of accidents.

My 2yo (now 3yo) was so defiant. We perservered, i think she was about 2.5yo when we started and she finally started saying she needed a wee just after her 3rd birthday.
She was ok at nursrry. Just very stubborn at home. We would take her to the loo every hour and give her choc buttons (we tried a star chart but she didnt give a toss). So pleased that is over!!

DS1 was a breeze and was largely potty trained within a week.

I think persist. What does she really like as a reward? We’ve used a mix of chocolate buttons and a little bit of tv as rewards, or baking. Things that’re high value that they don’t get a lot. The potty training cartoons on YouTube helped motivate them

Maybe I need to re-read it, but I thought the entire point of oh crap was to tell them where the toilet is, ensure they have easy access for the first few days and let them figure out when to go. You don't take them to the potty. They are supposed to initiate it themselves.

Point being, if she continuously resists or ignores the urge to go to potty properly then she's not ready and I'd go back to nappy pants.

You’re supposed to have them sans pants and grab when you see they start to pee.

Personally I would leave it because you don’t want a battle of wills. My youngest was 3 years 2 months but because she decided herself she didn’t “need nappies like a baby” it only took a few days and she never had an accident after that

Thanks. It’s really difficult. She refused the potty all morning and then finally I put a nappy on her and she had a wee and got upset.

Sure for like, the first day, maybe two, to help them understand the sequence of events, but after that they are supposed to get it? I must have interpreted it v differently. Ok, nevermind. Some thoughts in case they help.

I know mine had a few accidents after getting too involved in playing, could that be happening here?

I didn't make a big deal of accidents at first, but once I knew he understood, I could be a bit firmer and make him change himself, put the wet clothes in the washing machine, get showered and then into new clothes. I think it helped him realise the easier and faster option is to just do it properly first time.

I’m potty training my stubborn second child currently, he completely refuses to sit on the potty and won’t give into bribes either but I know he’s ready in every other way. (My first child was done so easily before he was 2.5 with the 3 day no pants method!)

I’ve just had some potty training pants arrive which are meant to make them feel wet so I’ll try those on Monday and let you know how we get on! 😅

Yes but if you can’t get over that first day it makes the rest a bit redundant. Anyway, it doesn’t matter as we aren’t doing that method.

Those training pants are OK for little wees but not for floods!

So - we’re still struggling massively. She has a skirt on with nothing underneath but it isn’t helping; she just keeps peeing and pooing all over the floor.

The only thing that’s making me hesitate is that when she does have a nappy on (for bedtime) she gets upset when she has wee’d in it. She’s clearly trying to hold on. And she can hold for hours but if she’s refusing the potty I don’t really know what to do!

Just to give hope to anyone struggling, I think we’ve cracked it.

I just kept encouraging the potty and got into the routine of having a wee in the morning. She then asked for big girl pants and then it’s been so much easier.

So relieved as I really hate potty training!