Is my toddler trying to scam me?

[PickledElectricity]

Only half joking.

DS is 2 years and 9 months and I've had a series of unsuccessful attempts. He gets distraught at losing his nappy so I've kind of put it down to not being ready. I also had a baby 9 months ago, so we haven't prioritised potty training.

DS is very anti potty (will not sit on it more than a few seconds) but has done a poo at nursery on the little toilet, apparently.

Today he told me the toilet at home is too big and scary. I asked if he'd do weewees on the potty if I bought a little potty and he said "I will try" which is the most progress/commitment I've seen from him.

I am wondering if I should take him seriously and buy one of those pottys that look like a miniature
toilet?

Any advice would be very welcome.

Sometimes a different style of potty does the trick. My DD held out for ages on potty training but eventually used one that frankly looked like a miniature throne. It was nice and steady.

That's interesting, he shuffles the potty around a lot, it doesn't weigh much.

My PDA’er said that he wouldn’t be giving up nappies any time soon and give over fussing about it. He actually said he knew where the big boy pants were and he was going to “be a pest and do wees on them.” It’s like negotiating with a terrorist. I gave it another few months and he decided pretty much overnight that he would use the toilet. And that was that.

Oh my goodness. How old was he when he relented?

Mine definitely scammed me. We did a sticker chart with multiple stickers leading to a collectible toy that they were very interested in.

They mastered the art of doing very tiny pees very frequently in order to obtain multiple toys over a relatively short period of time.

Did show they had excellent control when needed though.

We did this, I ended up with 5 or 6 different potties and 2 different toilet seats. Absolute scam, it made no difference 🫣

How about a small seat on the big toilet?

If it's not too much hassle, you can actually change the fixed toilet seat for one that has both a big and a small seat that both fold down. We did this and it was a good investment with 2 small kids in succession. DD2 pretty much went straight to using the toilet instead of the potty, as we already had the small seat for DD1.

Yes we have that. He refuses to use it as it's too scary.

We have all the kinds of toilet seat but DS2 still finds the Big Boy Toilet scary. He uses the little toilets at nursery and the potty at home. I reckon it is worth a try getting your DS a fancy potty, OP - mine would only use one of the potties we have at home initially, but now a couple of months later he is not bothered and we have finally stopped carrying the Chosen Potty up and down the stairs.

Have you tried getting him to sit on the potty with something fiddly to eat like a box of raisins, a book to look at ot a tv show? I used to sit mine down with a snack and put the TV on sometimes and get a result

I ended up letting him put stickers on the potty to make it "less scary".

I made a reward chart for him and a separate one for his stuffed stuffed animals. He's enjoying putting the frog etc on the potty.

We've had 2 accidents, a 6 hour stand off about wee, and several successful wees. One little poo.

I am exhausted.

I bet you are exhausted! A 6 hour stand off sounds like a long time. How is his understanding? If you said “wee on the potty and well then go to the park” would he understand?

Assuming you’re still on maternity you need to do it now.

Take away all nappies. They’re just not an option anymore. He’ll soon learn it’s more comfortable to go on the toilet than in his pants.

Yeah it was ridiculous. I've since learnt (it has been a LONG week) that he doesn't seem to need to go that often. Maybe he's not drinking enough, I don't know. I've stopped trying to encourage drinking water because he then digs his heels in and refuses to drink at all.

His understanding is pretty good. The stand off was I was going to take him to soft play and said we'll go after he does a wee in the potty. Needless to say we did not make it to soft play.

I now tell him to sit and try to do a wee, see if it comes out. This seems to be a better approach for him.

We haven't had any more accidents but he's not telling me when he needs to go and he's not engaging at all at nursery (he goes 3 days, wears pull ups as per their request) and at home he keeps doing poos in his pants, so that's my next battle.

Any advice or wisdom on that front? cc: @greywildocean

Ah so one of the accidents he had was because I stupidly told him he's needed to do a wee before nap time because I wouldn't give him a nappy for his nap. He obviously wet himself when he woke up. I can't face changing the sheets twice a day every day so he's getting a nappy for naps and bedtime. Not sure if that's confusing him but I read that night time dryness was due to hormones so it's not like you can train them before they're ready anyway.

Well the accepted wisdom is that boys potty train later than girls. My DD was done in 3 days at 2.5. My DS was done in 3 days at…3.5. Chocolate drops were involved. Stories on the loo were involved. Jumps of joy (ours) were involved. It’s ridiculous the song and dance we make over…using a toilet.

Also, I didn’t use a potty as (1) they’re gross (2) you still have to train them to use a toilet (3) I wasn’t going to cart a potty around with me (4) I don’t give in to terrorists.

You can't train night-time, my DS was dry at 2.5 in the day. He was 9 before he was dry at night, no big deal just have pull-ups at night, we called them bed pants

A tip if you struggle with nighttime dryness is
to put a mattress cover + sheet + second mattress cover + second sheet on the cot. Then you can strip a cot in the middle of the night and not have to make one.

What about the duvet? When he had his accident he managed to get pee on the duvet AND pillow as well as the sheets etc 🫠

He's terrified of the toilet. Cries, scrambles off/away from it, is inconsolable for ages after.

Then tells me the toilet is "a little bit scary".

I’d suggest he’s not ready for it yet, then, if he’s terrified of it. There’s no hurry (unless you have a nursery deadline?). The most important thing is to not make a big deal of it. And, for him to see other people go to the loo or at least tell him they’re going to the loo.

You’re nicer to your kids than I was to mine, they never had a duvet in their cots! A blanket at best, multiple so they could be washed in just such a situation!

Two of mine weren’t reliably dry at night until they were at least 7. Both boys. And both such heavy sleepers it’s unreal.

I wouldn't fight over the toilet thats another step.

My youngest was about the age your boy is now. Spent 3 days at home.
Friday 1 he was holding on and dribbling everywhere. But wouldn't sit on the potty.
Dad came home, plonked potty in front of the telly, the boy sat on it and filled it, massive wee🤦‍♀️

Saturday We got poo in the potty

Sunday We felt confident to take him out.

Ok there might have been some bribery chocolate buttons and OTT celebrations at getting anything in the potty inc poos 💩

I'd try to avoid pull-ups they feel like nappies and confuse kids. I had the odd accident from him. And within a few weeks he was getting up with a dry nappy in the morning so I ditched the night nappies too.