Potty Training, where to go from here?

[Rldowning]

My toddler is 2 years and 4 months and we have been on our potty training journey for a little while now.

We started going bare bottomed at home and it worked great, after a while she ran to the potty every time she needed a wee and a poo, but when the nappy went back on she would use it (even though without one she could clearly tell she needed to go) So, we started leaving the nappy off during waking hours.

Obviously we needed to think of where to go next, so when we went out we would put her in knickers and even did stints at home with them on, and with regular potty breaks (initiated by me) she will stay dry for the most part and wee in the potty (although sometimes with pants on she will start to wee and then go over to the potty)

Problem is the poo...with knickers or pants on she will just poo. Now, she has been back at nursery 3 days since starting her training and she pooed on each day! I know I shouldnt be embarrassed but I am a bit, even though they say its fine to bring her nappyless while she's learning.

She is also very quiet there and won't tell anyone when she needs to go. Please any advice on how to encourage her to go potty rather than in her pants? I am even trying incentives like "a piece of chocolate for poo that goes in the potty."

Kids often master the wees before the poos. I think as you’ve come to far it would be a shame to give up but I also think she doesn’t sound particularly ready. My dd was a whole year older than yours when I potty trained her (I had tried earlier but she wasn’t engaging with it and I knew she wasn’t ready). When we did it, she cracked it within a few days and never had any accidents.
What I’m saying is it’s sometimes best to wait until they are on board with it rather than subjecting everyone to constant accidents.
Have nursery said anything about it? I suspect they are used to it.

The nursery say its fine and not to worry. I have thiught she may not be ready, however, my HV told me she sounded ready and once I remove the nappy from her day not to put it back in as it will confuse her as to whether she is supposed to go in her pants or not...

Yes I agree it’s probably too late to turn back now so I guess you’ll just have to persevere and hope she cracks it soon.

There’s an amazing website www.eric.org.uk They have brilliant resources & a helpline too. Your issue is very, very common & will be resolved. I hope you find the website useful. Good luck!

It’s absolutely ok to take little breaks for your own mental . IE put on pull ups for a Sunday afternoon when you’re exhausted with the accidents and for a trip out as a back up. Obviously keep the potty out and encourage them to use it, but just knowing there won’t be a mess can give you a bit of a break.

This is the advice I wish someone had given me with my first. Going from starting training to fully dry is a long haul. It’s rare to get it all done in a couple of weeks. It was over a year for my eldest, my youngest was quicker but it’s never as linear as the books like ‘oh crap’ make out.

You’ve made loads of progress. Keep going but give yourself downtime too.

Dont put her in knickers - put baggy trousers on her for nursery (try at home as well) so she still feels relatively bear bottomed x

I should add the poo thing is pretty common. My youngest did it. She eventually grew out of it.

Be patient, don’t get cross. Put her on the toilet with a book/you/CBeebies tablet game any time of day which is common for a poo. Try not to be stressed about it - it will happen!

Thank you everyone. It helps just getting the reassurance that it can take a long time and it's not just us "not getting it"

Sometimes I feel like we are behind and we're just never going to get there.

Can you take a long weekend to work on it. Figure out what time she goes and ask them to check around then. Does she have a sign that she needs to go, lots of kids start dancing around a bit before. Watch some cartoons about it or read a book about it too and encourage her to tell you? If she can do it at home maybe make a game of yelling when she needs to go to the potty (for wees or poos) and see who can yell the loudest or something silly to encourage her to speak up too.

im not sure i believe in a point they become ready that you need to wait for. obviously if you wait long enough they’re old enough to understand and dress themselves and it may make it quicker. But lots of people potty train children under 2.
there’s no other new skill they (or we) learn and are expected to get it 100% right after that too. Think about mistakes you made after you learned to drive, or learn a new language, or times they may fall off their bike. I don’t know why we see this as different. It sounds like she’s doing great and nursery aren’t concerned.

Mine was totally the same, got the hang of wees but had poo accidents in her pants for quite a while.

All very normal, don't go backwards now!

I will keep pushing forward, thank you!

She doesnt go at regular times in the day so I cant really predict the poos.

Loose bottoms - eg cotton boxers like these https://www.next.co.uk/style/st023873/a86197
Or even just baggy joggers with no knickers if nursery will allow

Poo goes to pooland (google it!)

Poo routine - after breakfast and dinner every day set aside a specific poo time where she sits comfortably on the potty to do a poo. Even if she doesn't poo in this time keep the routine.

Incentives - chocolate buttons, stickers etc. Go to Poundland or a charity shop and buy a load of cheap toys and wrap them in shiny wrapping paper, display them in the bathroom. Every time she does a poo on the potty, give her a present.
Once she's pooing on the potty you can make the rewards for clean pants instead - all day with no poos in pants, get a present.