Potty training and nursery

[Notsleepinghelp]

We are having issues with our son and potty training at nursery. I’d like a sense check for what I can expect from his nursery before we push this further. He’s our first child and we don’t know what’s normal!
I’d like to know what does your nursery offer in terms of support:
Do they take children to the potty or do they expect them to initiate?
Do they stay with them and then help them clean up after they’ve used the potty?
If a child has regular accidents do they make more of an effort with that child to prevent them from happening?

We’ve had 2 nurseries, both have been really supportive.

1st one - did regular trips to the potty. Asked who wanted to go and would take them all together, if there was any they knew may not be forthcoming such as our DD, they’d say ‘come on then X let’s go to the toilet’ sort of thing.

2nd one - is Montessori so much more focussed on independence. The children are free to go to the toilet as they please and encouraged to ask for help if they need it. DD does need help & at times they’ve initiated taking her before meals for example.

All of them will help clean up if the child has an accident. I guess they’d be changing the child’s nappy if they were in nappies!

Whats the issue?

Ok that’s helpful to know. His nursery is more like the second one you’ve mentioned.
He’s having around two accidents a day (which they will clean up and change him etc), despite him being wee accident free at home (poos are a work in progress!). He’s holding it until he can’t any longer.
They don’t support them with trousers and pants coming on or off so he often just doesn’t make it in time (when we would just help him at home with that), and they don’t wipe them as standard (we’ve asked now that he is as we haven’t taught him how to wipe at home yet). He has never done a poo on the potty at nursery, it’s always been in his pants or nap nappy.
Several times at pick up he has been in wet (with wee) trousers so he is either not saying he’s had an accident (when he would do at home) or they’re ignoring him if he does.
Hes very upset about going at the moment and I think he’s incredibly anxious whilst there because he’s not comfortable using the potties there. They don’t seem to track when he’s done a wee (or poo) on the potty, only his accidents, so I’m worried he’s only having accidents!

What you have explained would annoy me a bit but it would make me want to address the independence at home too if possible. Can he pull his trousers and pants up and down? If not, maybe invest in some roomy/comfy jogger type trousers that will be easier for him. Also we had to do loads of education around wet and dry with DD to get her to acknowledge and tell an adult she was wet if she had an accident. Get him to feel things that are wet and dry and relate it back to having accidents, not in a shameful way just to ensure he understands. It’s a bit more tricky if he’s having no accidents at home as we got DD to feel her pants with her hand when we took them off. On one hand it’s worth buying cheap pants and telling nursery to sling them if he has a poo accident (it’s just awful trying to clean pants with poo in isn’t it!) but on the other, we invested in these which helped
https://www.upairy.com/products/potty-training-underwear?tw_source=google&tw_adid=742933677828&tw_campaign=22391941907&tw_kwdid=kwd-45129930&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22391941907&gbraid=0AAAAA9tOB-CV_1vC_nPbYoZPOYTlFzndj&gclid=Cj0KCQiAyP3KBhD9ARIsAAJLnnYAhuOTrlz55A-QIl1QwORE8QiuwSvc12HxJgUftAtjUf6yCWcNi8saAhRZEALw_wcB
the aim is that the child feels they’re wet but it is more contained in the pants. My understanding is the learning they’re wet themselves is more beneficial than someone else keep identifying it and dealing with it if that makes sense.