Please help- been potty training for 7 months!

[Lottie231]

I really need some help and advice with potty training. Long post but please help me mums out there!!!

We started in July and it’s now the end of December. I feel like we haven’t progressed at all really. My little boy is 3 in March. He is very clever and I thought he was ready as he was showing signs e.g hiding when he was pooing, messing with his nappy.

He is doing okay with wees but not great really. He would NEVER let me know he needs one, even 7 months in. I have to ask him repeatedly and every time his answer is “No I don’t need one” and gets quite stroppy… even if I know he will need one as it’s been hours! The only way I can get him to go to the loo is to bribe him with a reward or just totally distract him and get him to sit on the toilet whilst talking to him about something random. It’s a huge struggle and to be honest I dread it.

Poos are a complete disaster. I would say we’ve had less than 10 successes on the toilet/potty in 7 months. I ask him repeatedly if he needs to go, he says no. I watch out for signs (there is no pattern with timings) and put him on the toilet (with difficulty as above).. nothing. He has a few little ones in a day… smears.. then will often do a big one in his pants at some random point in the day. He will say nothing- just happily sit in it until I smell it. He knows it’s coming.. he hides!!

What am I doing wrong? I’ve tried all the obvious things, sticker charts, reading stories on the loo, going crazy when he does one successfully, offering him a choice e.g toilet or potty? I’m honestly at the end of my tether and feeling very deflated.

Advice needed!!!

Personally I would just go back to nappies and try again later. My son was very stubborn but when he was ready he was trained in a day. He was 3.5.

Thanks for you reply. Don’t you think I’ve left it too long though? It’s been 7 months 😢😢

I would probably stop asking for the wees and just tell them "it's wee time now". I'm always a fan of pre-emptive wees. The whole family knows if we are going anywhere they all need to have a wee before we leave.

Poos I'd go full bribery. Something high value. Try it for a week.

If that doesn't work then I'd put him back in pull-ups for a few months and try again in the summer.

I already have tried just saying. Time for a wee.. not asking. He kicks off! He’s so resistant to it it’s unreal.

😥

With the previous poster. I made a lot of mistakes with both my kids but one thing we nailed was potty training in that we just… didn’t. Week before third birthday son said ‘i’m a big boy now i don’t need a nappy’ and that was it. Instant.

Second child a year younger saw his brother and decided he was done too and that was that.

Everyone is different but my view would be don’t sweat it. How many 20 year olds have you met still in nappies x

wow! I wish I’d waited later. I regret it massively. I don’t know whether to just go back to pull ups until he tells me he’s ready. He can talk really well

I felt under pressure to do DS1 at 2.5yrs. Completely not ready and caused unnecessary stress.

If you're been trying for 7 months he is definitely not ready.

DS2 l waited till he was 3yrs.. dry within a week.

The bit in your post about smearing makes me think that he could be chronically constipated, and suffering from overflow rather than deliberately soiling? It’s SO common in toddlers, and would explain the wee issues also. When they get constipated, everything stretches and the poo just overflows involuntarily. Similarly, the stretching makes it much more difficult for their bodies to get the signal to go for a wee. Have you checked out ERIC resources? It’s excellent and will point you in the right direction. But definitely seriously consider constipation, as it’s an underestimated issue for toddlers struggling with toilet training and needs careful and swift management.

same as pp. left mine until one day they just said randomly they wanted the toilet. I was gobsmacked. They were about 3. Then I said they could have a mini egg every time they used the toilet and that was it. No accidents, completely dry from then on.

ime most children are reliably trained around 3. Those who attempt it earlier simply spend longer dealing with accidents, toilet emergencies and potties.

back in nappies, chill until they’re nearer 3.

being “clever” has no consequence btw. It’s a physical thing they have little control over. My mum was telling me dire stories about kids on tv who were going to uni still in nappies because their parents were “too lazy” to train them. It’s bollocks. Like pp said, unless special needs are involved they all get there.

I would go back in nappies, pull ups maybe. My son at 3 said he didn’t want to wear nappies anymore and was dry day and night from that moment on ✅

I tried 3 times over 6 months with DD, she understood, liked the potty etc but just refused to do it. Two months back in nappies and we tried again just before her 3rd birthday and she got it straight away, no accidents, was out of pull ups at night a few weeks after. It’s so easy when they are ready she obviously just wasn’t when I’d tried before. I think I was rushing it as DD summer born and was starting school nursery a month after her 3rd bday and they had to be potty trained to go. Have a break and try again in a month or so.

Long time ago for me but all my kids definitely turned a corner when they were ready - two of them over the age of three. Sadly they still had about six more months of regular accidents unlike everyone else who always comments on these threads but it was a world of difference from what you are describing which I remember well. Go back to nappies for a bit. Let them go naked sometimes. It won’t last forever. My child who got it sorted just over the age of two was the longest to be in night nappies of my three. It’s all developmental in my opinion.

I remember reading something which said of you start at 2, it'll take a year; if you start at 2.5 it'll take 6 months; if you start at 3 it'll take a weekend. Obviously take with a pinch of salt but we waited until 3 and it took about a week. Can count the number of accidents she's had since then on one hand.

You started when he wasn’t ready basically. My youngest DD was 3 and 2 months when she agreed she was a big girl now and would wear knickers- potty trained in a few days, job done with no stress.
You have two choices, go back in nappies until he tells you he doesn’t want them anymore, or carry on as you are putting him on the potty regularly and eventually it’ll click.
The smearing thing makes me worry he’s withholding/constipated too, might be better in the long run to take all the stress away and put him back in nappies, you really don’t want to create poo withholding problems.
You can still put him on the potty regularly even if he is in nappies most of the time.

I thought my DD was ready just after she turned two. But I realised not after a couple days so stopped and waited another six months. I think yes it’s become such big issue I’d just stop trying. I might say (is this cruel?) ‘guess you’re not a big boy yet so back in nappies’. And then leave it.

Have you read oh crap!

I think at 7 months in you need to go back to nappies look closely at what you are doing and reset.

What i would say is when I potty trained my dd (also stubborn) we.did a lot of squash to generate high volume pees. But I was literally exhausted from watching her.
We success stacked and she got "prizes" for 10 wees and we did a lot of Big girl chat and she got "big girl privileges" I cant remember what but something fairly lame.. I think we let her play for 15 min after the babies bedtime.

You started too young for him. I’m amazed you’ve kept going through 7 months of him pooing in his pants every day! I’d have had him back in pull-ups after a week.

I’d put him in training pants and don’t ask him if he needs the toilet, just take him. Big praise when he goes. For the poos, a sweetie each time he does one in the toilet as well as a sticker chart and a huge reward for when he’s done 10 in the toilet. Something that he really wants.

No of course not, it's fine to go back to nappies/pull ups. It will probably make your life a lot less stressful, poor you for having to deal with all this. He will figure it out. I was very non-chalant about it all and every few weeks asked "do you want to wear pants today instead of nappies?" and eventually the answer was yes!

I tried a few times with my little boy, and was having a fair few accidents - decided to wait. Tried again after his 3rd birthday and within 1 week he was potty trained.

as other have said if he hasn’t got it after 7 months go back to pull-ups and try again at a later date it doesn’t sound like his ready. Don’t stress it to much

my other little boy will be 3 in May - he hides for a poo and I’ve tried with the potty and right now it’s just not clicking with him. So I’m leaving it a little longer and I’ll try again.

I came to say exactly this. Please check out ERIC, OP. Some of the general potty training advice won’t work or could even make things worse if this is the cause.

I would say he is too young and not ready. I would put him back in nappies for a while and try again after a few months.

We tried at Christmas last year, little boy was 2 and 9 months, only lasted two days as we had no successful wees in the potty (plus i hate being stuck inside when there was stuff to do for Christmas) even though we had been making him sit on the potty every time we has changed his nappy for the previous year.

I decided to try again at Easter so he was 3 years and a month, he cracked it within two days, had no accidents by the Sunday and started on the Friday. He has now been potty trained since Easter and we have only had 3 accidents since then, one was at nursery, another at the park where he told his Nanna he needed a wee but she didnt do anything about it and once at my brothers when he was too busy playing in the garden to come inside.

Thanks so much for all your advice everyone!! I’m going to go back to pull ups for a few months. Some questions- 1) how would you explain this to him? Say that as you are having alot of accidents we’re going to go back to nappy pants until you’re ready? 2) would you still get him to do wees in the potty or just give it a break completely?

I feel like he’s become really resentful of it and I’ve failed 😥

Mine were slow to train at night.

we had a deal. If they had dry nappies for 3 days (nights) we would try a day without. If they had an accident, back in nappies until dry for 3 days.

then it’s clear what will happen and they know it’s not a punishment or reward, it is what it is. I think in your case I’d maybe phrase it as temporary or as a solution- can you buy a different pattern or brand pull and tell him they are new ones that will help him?

Ask chatgpt/ gemini... it will give som helpful framing

Fwiw a break is the right shout.
You / your dh need to go away regroup get your plan / strategy straight and i'd say have another crack in april

He is not ready. We were guided by our very experienced nanny. She tried a couple of times and said not ready after a day or so. She tried again at just past 3 and our daughter got it straight away. Probably only 2 or 3 accidents ever (maybe less) when very distracted.

It shouldn’t be hard. If it is difficult, they are not ready.