2.5 year old refusing potty training

[TheLostMum]

2.5 year old daughter uses potty to basically perfection at nursery, asks to go etc, pull ups nearly dry according to nursery staff. However refuses to use potty at home. How can I get her to do it?? She’s capable but messing me around basically. Background- had second baby 4 months ago. We’ve been trying potty training for the last 8 months though. 2 months ago had a break through as started sitting on potty and weeing/ pooing, however I was in midst of breastfeeding an 8 week old, asked husband to try and manage it and he basically let her wear pull ups whenever she asked. Today I lost it a bit, told her no more pull ups, she just weed through knickers multiple times and refused to sit on potty. How can I claw this back? Can’t see a way out! We’ve tried sticker chart, choc raisin for reward for using potty, told her she can have peppa pig big girl duvet once potty trained- none of it has worked so far.

It s the baby.
Keep telling her she is a big girl and do big girl things with her that baby cannot do.
Dont get stressed.

I also think it's the baby. She wants to be babied too.

You need to be patient imo

I also think it's the baby. She wants to be babied too.

You need to be patient imo

Are you sure they use a potty at nursery? It can feel very different to use a proper toilet.

But generally, yes it's the baby. And I know she seems so big, but she's 2.5. She can do it at nursery, so you can be fairly sure she'll have cracked it before she's a teen. I'd relax and do what you need to do to get through the day without accidents right now.

I don't think it's the baby. I think it's eight months of mixed signals. Potty training while in pull-ups is always a bad idea. Then she makes a break through and Daddy can't be bothered to keep it going. They'll inevitably be different processes at nursery to at home. It's all over the place.

Tell her the nappy fairy is coming as she's such a big girl now, get her to help bag up all the nappy stuff and leave it out. When she wakes up in the morning then nappies are gone and she has some new big girl pants, stickers to decorate her potty, sticker chart and a bag of Percy Pigs (or other sweet treat) that she gets each time she uses the potty. From that moment on, she's in pants or bare bum but no nappies/pull ups.

I also have a 2.5 year old who is using the toilet at nursery but refuses to at home. I am due a baby at the end of the month and have decided to take a break from it until spring summer time. I have also been told by other parents if she refuses to use the potty / toilet at home to not force it.

Firstly, 2.5 is really young to have grasped potty training fully. My DD is the same age and we have been potty training since the summer with some days/weeks that are better than others. My 4 year old DS has only been completely reliable since turning 4 in September despite also potty training him at 2.5.

Have you got steps and a toddler seat for the toilet? My DD prefers that to the potty. You also need to commit to getting rid of the pull ups during the day and just don’t stress over all the accidents. I’d also stop promising her big presents in the future. She’s too young to really grasp the concept and you’d be better off with immediate rewards - like chocolate/sweets/toys. You might have to up your game on the rewards - mine would not do it for 1 chocolate raisin but maybe for a bag of them. Where is the potty kept? Mine did better with the potty in front of the tv (we have hard floors) and they’d be allowed to watch their favourite show while going.

Don’t force her so she doesn’t withhold. I would stop and try again in one month

Nuffsaid I think you’re totally correct, we’ve been unforgivably inconsistent with her. I wasn’t thrilled by the pull ups but nursery suggested them, wish we had steered clear now.

I’m keen to try and push it with her even though that seems against some advice- one reason being can’t take the MIL’s snide comments on her Xmas visit when daughter is still in nappies, but also all her little friends at nursery are now potty trained and I feel like we should have cracked it as I’m 99% sure if we’d capitalised on her breakthrough 2 months ago it would be done by now.

If I go for it and say no more pull ups but she refuses to sit on potty, should I just keep letting her have accidents and she will eventually cotton on? Weirdly she never says when she has wet herself even though it must be uncomfortable.

As you’ve been trying for 8 months without success maybe have a complete break until the spring.

Yes, she'll get it. Within a few days I would think, given that you know she CAN do it. She's just choosing not to.

I would keep her bare bummed as much as possible, if it's too cold put loose trousers on, but no pants so she doesn't feel like she's wearing a nappy. Find her Kryptonite and reward any successful trip to the potty with this. For most it's sweets, but it could be stickers/a small toy/a treat activity.

If she has an accident, be disappointed (in the situation, not her) but never cross. You're a team tackling this so when it fails it's one for the team to deal with (you and her) not something to blame or shame her for. Make sure that an accident is more hassle for her than a success. For example, if she has an accident make a big deal of getting her to stop what she's doing and help clean up. If she goes on the potty make a big fuss about how you now have time to play/bake/watch TV because she went in the potty and you don't need to spend time cleaning up.

I'd also talk to the baby (within her earshot) about how good she is at the potty. For example, while changing baby's nappy, "Did you know that I don't need to change DC1's nappy anymore? She's such a big girl she's goes on the potty now! She used to have nappies like you, but now she's big like Mummy/older cousin/friend" or "When you were having your nap baby, DC1 did a wee on the potty! Isn't she so clever?! You're just a baby, but she's such a big girl now".