To give up or keep going?

[Strangesally20]

we Started toilet training my 2 and 7 month year old yesterday, done really well yesterday only one accident which he stopped half way through and finished on the toilet. All other pees he done in the potty, no poos yesterday which concerns me for withholding but he’s not showing any signs of being uncomfortable etc. today it’s been 50:50, 3 pee accidents and lots in the potty, the novelty has worn off and he’s fed up being told to go and is just saying no and getting frustrated which is resulting in more accidents. I’m starting to feel like it’s turning into a battle and I don’t know if I should just give up now because it becomes more ingrained or if this is just part of toilet training. My oldest asked to wear pants one day at 2.5yo and she literally never had a single accident, was dry day and night from day one so I’m a bit unsure what’s normal!

My DD seemed ready at 2yrs 7 months so I tried but it wasn’t successful, left it until she was about 3 years 2 months and it was a breeze and took hardly any time. He may just need a little bit more time.

I think my son was still in nappies at 3 or more. Definitely wasn’t a battle to toilet train him and he was dry pretty quick when we started though, so perhaps your son isn’t ready yet.

I really wouldn’t be too bothered about throwing the towel in, I have no problem giving it more time if that’s what he needs but he’s doing well enough that I’m not sure if it would be a shame to throw it all away but maybe not so well that I think we’re nailing it if that makes sense. Aaarggg potty training is a pain in the balls. He’s still not done a poo but hasn’t had any pee accidents since my original post.

@Strangesally20 2 years 7 months is young for a boy. I’d definitely wait for another 3 months. He just isn’t ready and you don’t want battles. I was told to avoid any conversations about it and I had to wait until DD was 3. Then it took a few days! 3 would be perfectly normal for a boy too. It’s definitely best to be led by them. Dc then engage and it’s not a battle. They will tell you when they are ready.

My child couldn't train when we tried at a similar age - which turned out to be due to additional needs, but does mean that toilet training is now my specialist subject.

I think you have excessive expectations based on your first child who got it unusually quickly. Most children take two weeks to get the hang of it. If you stop after the first 24 hours you're more likely to confuse him than anything else. You say he's already getting pees in the potty - so it sounds like he has the idea.

Things that might help

• a set routine involving a wee then a big drink (e.g. get up, wee, drink with breakfast, activity, wee, elevenses with a big drink, activity, wee, lunch with a big drink etc). Children mostly now take water bottles with them and just sip at them which means they are less likely to experience the sensation of a full bladder, evacuation, bladder re-filling.
• don't make accidents a big deal but do ask DS to go and get a cloth to help you tidy up (so that he gets the picture that if he chooses not to interrupt an activity to go to the loo, the activity is much more interrupted by having to clear up)
• Avoid things that irritate the bladder such as milk or dark chocolate and blackcurrant drinks (white chocolate is okay).
• there is no shame in running a white chocolate button / sweetie currency for successful poos.

We did have to give up and pause for a while but we tried for 15 months before giving up. That was probably too long, but I know children who have taken several months to get the hang of it but have got there.

@Strangesally20 Just to let you know, DD who trained at 3 got a place at Oxford university. I was perplexed by her lack of interest as she could do a lot of other things fairly early, except walking and potty training. Don’t waste your time on detailed planning. When they are ready, it’s a week or less. There’s more to his life and yours than repeated wet pants, a wet floor and following a strategy!

Thank you for all the replies. I think part of the problem is that he DOES seem ready, and we aren’t having loads of wet pants, over the 2 days he’s had a total of 4 accidents and 20+ in the potty and the accidents have been more “oh no I’ve started peeing!” And run to the potty to finish so he is getting it. He’s even been dry first thing in the morning and taking himself off to the potty when he gets up.

The problem is the poos, no poos at all and he just seems to totally point blank been refusing to do them in the potty, I don’t want him to be making himself constipated and that becoming a long running issue. When I say it’s a battle, I mean me asking him to go, he just says no and then I start cajoling, but when I say ok then and don’t try and force him, he does take himself off when he needs it but that makes me anxious! Thankfully my 5 year old who’s just a star is very invested in his potty training and he is much more receptive to her taking him to the toilet than me so that’s helpful! Ha.

I’ve decided if he’s still not done a poo after his lunch (which is his normal poo time) then I’m going to abandon it for a while, maybe try again over the Xmas break when he’s off nursery.

Pears and prunes help a poo come more easily. One of those purple Ella kitchen prune pouches often helps if they've not pooed for a couple of days!

I would absolutely carry on as it sounds he’s doing so well! I think what you’ve described with your eldest is probably quite unusual and what you’re experiencing now is a bit more typical. They need to have the accidents to learn but so many people think accidents show they are not ready and go back to nappies which confuses them so much. It makes toilet training much harder and more prolonged if you do that stop and start approach so keep going, expect days’ worth of accidents and just keep supporting him and he’ll get it!

Just to balance the above posters, you aren't training unusually early, and most kids can easily be trained at 2.5 - it's just that training has got later and later over the decades, because of good quality disposable nappies (comfortable for kids even when used, less hassle for parents).

If you want to keep going I'd go for bubbles and bribery (blowing bubbles is often popular when sitting on it, a smartie etc for every success).

When I had a development check for DD, it wasn’t said 2 years 6 months was average at all. It’s early for some and especially for boys. Who, honestly, has time for all this cleaning up and this little boy isn’t really getting it. I was advised by our GP to not talk about it to dd. Clean dd as standard and be led by her. As indeed I was with her reading! There’s no race though and save yourself all the mess and angst. When they are ready, it’s days. Not weeks and weeks of slow or no progress. And angst! My other DS was 2.6 but a very different personality.

I would wait until the evening and see if he does a poo when you put on his nappy for the night. My son trained very easily otherwise so we carried on and addressed the evening poo in the nappy a few months later.
If you don’t want to wait, try covering him up with toilet paper when he’s sitting on the toilet, letting him hold the paper. The feeling of air on everything seems to need getting used to. If that works, gradually reduce the amount of paper.